Books of 2024

 Hey all! I know I am quite late on a lot of things. Here are all the books that I "read" last year.

Audiobooks

Ebooks

Physical Copies

I am slowly making my way through the Anne of Green Gables series and the Saints series. I don't remember anything from Our Ancient Faith and The Cure for Burnout. Honestly, I was way too entrenched in the burnout to really get anything from that book. I ended up just quitting my job. And I am so much happier for it. 

Most of the books are great for general audiences, but a few have slightly more mature content (but not explicit intimacy except for maybe a paragraph that I skipped in Bound by Ravens but I'm not exactly sure because I skipped it). The Scarlet Alchemist is fairly dark. It has a lot of death and gruesome images described, so if that's not your thing, don't read that book. I thought that it was fascinating though. 

Archangel Down is an interesting concept of the book. It's part of a series, and I started the second book, but I didn't finish it because it had too much jargon I didn't understand, too many characters introduced for me to remember, and too much happening at once. So, I was just confused most of the time. I wanted to like it, but I just couldn't.

"Jack of All Trades, Master of a Few"

 Hey Peeps!

It's been a long, long while. I haven't posted something substantial since July last year. I just wanted to give you an update of my life and what my hopes are for my blog for the foreseeable future. (And also give you all the quotes from 2023.)

For an update on what I am doing with my life, I am following my Recreation Therapy professor's modified phrase of "jack of all trades, master of a few." To start with what I am a "master" of, I work in mental healthcare. I am a PRN (as needed, just picking up shifts here and there) Recreation Therapist at a mental/behavioral health hospital. I also work with the City of Chandler as a Recreation Assistant. This one's a new job, and I'm still learning some of the ins and outs of it, but this one is my fun job. I get to go on outings, such as fishing trips and hiking. And my regular, but least amount of time job is being a piano teacher. I picked it back up in February last year. (If anyone is thinking about taking piano lessons, I currently charge $18 per 30-minute lesson, once a week. I usually teach beginner to early intermediate students. If you're already a pro, please don't come to me.) I also have a t-shirt "business." I screen print shirts and have sold a few. So, that's my job situation right now. I don't have a super consistent schedule, but I do consistently have work each week. So it's fine.

Also, what I am doing with my life (besides work) is trying to be a good wife, sister, daughter, and slightly fit/healthy person. I currently live at my dad's house in his mother-in-law suite. So, yeah, I'm the 30-year-old still living with her parent’s house. At least it's not the basement. And at least I'm not just gaming all the time (I rarely game, and it's usually when my brothers need a third player.) My goal is to start traveling a little more to see my siblings because they always come here, and I rarely go to them. I should probably also start just calling them more often. That would be good to do. I've been married a little over a year, and I am learning a lot. I am working on my communication skills (being nicer and more understanding).

In regards to this blog, I am going to try to write more. I want to do my Sunday thoughts at least twice a month. These will be a bit more "church-y" and spiritual, but they will go under the Sunday Thoughts label. If you want to look at what I am writing for those, you can access them through that label. 

So here we go on another adventure. We'll see how long I can keep this up. Also, the shirt in the picture is one of my screen printed ones. If ever you want to check out my shirts, I have them here.

2023 Reading Goal

 Last year, I had a goal to read 12 books, so basically 1 a month. And I wanted to read the physical copies, so even though I listened to audiobooks, I didn't feel like I had met my real goal. (The books I read can be found here.) So this year, I set the same goal for myself. I wanted to read 12 books instead of listening to them, even though I still wanted to listen to audiobooks. This year turned out to be an adventure because I ended up going down a giant rabbit hole that increased my usage of e-books (Kindle and Apple books).

So, if you would like to know the books I have read this year, they are the following.

Audiobooks

Physical Books

E-books

Books I read that I would NOT recommend:

*Uncomfortable Conversations with a Black Man--not very well organized and left me with more follow up questions because some of the original questions posed weren't actually answered; it's super short and doesn't have a lot of content

*Dotty Dishes the Dirt--A lot of errors that made me reread sentences several times to understand what was happening, but some of it might just be British English

Other warnings for some containing adult material (i.e. drugs, language, abuse, and intimacy):

*Karamo Brown--little bit for being a very real biography, mostly language and drugs

*Princess of Thorns--right at the very end and not necessary for the story, not super explicit but still unnecessary in my opinion

*The Children's Blizzard--associated with one particular character and not a lot, but there are a few sentences that are questionable

*Odessa, Odessa--dealing with abuses during Pale of Settlement and emigration

**I try to not read explicit intimacy in books, and I often put books down because of it; so, this is a list that I have deemed might still be too much for other people

**I work in mental healthcare and get told lots of rough and horrible things, so sadly I might be a little more de-sensitized and/or interested in some topics

The Dole Whips of Marriage

Sorry I've been gone for so long (as if anybody stays up-to-date on my blog). If you have actually stayed in the know, I wrote about The Dole Whips of Singlehood a while ago. (It's been two years.) I said that I would get myself 7 dole whips if I was single during my family's Disneyland trip. The old blog post explains how that did and didn't happen. But my sister tried to convince me to get 8 if I was married on that trip. Well, I finally had my "8th" Dole Whip.

My "8th" Dole Whip

I got married in March, and my reception was held at my aunt's sister's backyard. I had an idea of what I wanted to have as food for the reception, and it became a "potluck" of sorts for my aunt's family. I did not know that there would be Dole whips. I guess it was a last minute thing that happened. But it was perfect! So many guests loved the treat. And my older sister was so happy that I finally got to have my marriage Dole whip.

Also take a look at these cuties who had some with me.

Here's my new family member

Yes, that's a Team Cami shirt

2022 Reading Goal

 I had a goal this year to read 12 books (about 1 each month), which is not much in the reading community. I love reading, but I don’t have a lot of time because I’m doing so many different things all the time. So I thought I could read one book each month. I did not do that. I read 10 books. But, I also listened to 11 audiobooks. So count what you will. I really wanted to read read the 12 books. Here’s my list with a comment or two for each book.

This is a good book. It's historical fiction. It follows a slave girl as her mother escapes and gains freedom. I've read better books about this time period, but it's still a good read. 

This series is pretty good. If you like sci-fi-esque fairy tales, this is pretty good. It starts with cyborg Cinderella, which was a great way to start. It follows four fairy tale couples trying to overthrow the government. And there was really only one couple that I hated and was annoyed when reading about because they were just too lovey dovey.

Great book! For the most part, I love a lot of what Brene Brown says whenever I hear or read her stuff. It was fun to hear her narrate her own book. 

I finally listened to The Hobbit. I did not get to The Lord of The Rings books though. Maybe next year?

This one is so dry. The concept is quite interesting, but I had to renew it a few times to get through.

The Twisted Tale collection is pretty good. I love fairy tales. And they are all pretty easy reads. Maybe I like them because I am just a 12-year-old in an adult body. Some of them get pretty dark. I thought the Aladdin one was the darkest. I liked the concept of the Once Upon a Dream more of these two.

This one's good. I don't know what else to say about it, but it really is good and makes you think. 

This is a good short two stories. I wanted to actually go through the Legend of Sleepy Hollow around Halloween time because I hadn't ever heard or read the original story. I've just seen the headless horseman in different shows. 

I loved this one. If you are religious, it really makes you think. But, it also makes me want to take hold of my dreams and aspirations more. It's quite inspiring.

I love A Christmas Carol, so I had to listen to the classic. I also went and saw it on the stage. I feel like I haven't been to very many performances in the last few years, probably because of COVID. So it was a great way to get in the Christmas spirit.

It's an easy read. Easy to follow murder mystery. If you want something really easy to read and a not-too-dark murder mystery, this is the book to read.

I have to say this is one of those series that I was pulled in by the first book, and the rest of the books kept my interest here and there. The first book is great though. I could hardly put it down.

This is also a great book if you're religious. It also made me think a lot. I basically read it in one day (while I was on a plane). So it's an easy read.

I have one more book in this series to finish. I started the last book though, so it will be the start of next year's list of books. The second book took me a lot longer to read. Once again, I was drawn in more by the first book. Maybe it's the author? 'Cause it's the same author as the magician series.

Quotes of the Summer

About the above picture

Griffin: This is America.
Emmett: It's having 60 siblings.

Cami: Did they treat you like you were dumb?
Griffin: I don't know.  They didn't really talk to me directly.
Cami: So yes?

Josh: Weekly goals--pee on Kit's carpet.

Emmett: I've had nachos every day this month.

Griffin:  Hair is weird though.  I have a bush in my armpit.

After his phone buzzes
Griffin: Who texteth me?

From the what if game...
What if Cami was the next Mary Poppins?
We would know that people really aren't as nice.

Kolby: Ellany! You don't charge family.  Unless it's mom.

Griffin: If you were sad, and a fish had a saxophone, what would you want it to play?

Emmett:  If they don't announce Animal Crossing at E3, I'm just gonna play a Tamagotchi until I die.

Grandma: He's single, and he's lookin'.
Cami: Is he good-lookin' or just lookin'?

Cami: I am so bad at making friends that my sister has to intervene.  From another country.

Kid at work:  Hey Cami, where did you get the ugly a** shirt you're wearing?
Cami (under her breath): Your mom.

Josh:  Aaaaaahhhh!  I have a bruise there.
Cami: I know.  I saw it there and touched it.

First Third of 2019 Quotes

I finally got some quotes on for the year.  These include January through April.

As Josh pulls on Emmett's arm hair
Emmett: I'm not hairy for you.  I'm hairy for survival.

Cami: When I write a story about my life, half of it will be about your flatulence.  When I write a story about your life, the whole thing will be about your flatulence.
Griffin: Well, it proves it's not all about video games.

My dad wishing for me to marry a specific boy as he blows out a birthday candle:

Cami:  I'm gonna take a personality test!  It's called Preach My Gospel Christlike attributes.

Cami:  If I'm not married by the time we go to Disneyland, I'm gonna buy myself seven dole whips.

Cherise: Sorry my burps are so nasty.
Cami: Well mine are too.
Cherise: Was that your burp I'm tasting or mine?
Cami: Probably mine because I'm tasting mine right now too.
Cherise: Eeeuwww.

Cami: I know I'm bad at life.
Cherise: No, you're just an experience.

Cami: I'm sorry I fake yelled at you.
Cherise:  Okay, I fake forgive you.

Cami: Why did Mom like black names so much?
Cherise:  Maybe she was secretly transracial.

Cherise: Do people think I'm lesbian?
Cami: No, because you're married to a man and like to make out with him all the time.
Cherise:  Ooh, a boy likes me!  Ooh hoo hoo.
Cami:  Ugh, Kenna just says that I'm asexual aromantic.

Talking about Cherise's baby
Cami: Can't you just have one more of these?
Cherise: It hurts...just thinking about it.
Cami: But it's worth it.  For me to be an aunt.

Cami: This one time, I went somewhere with someone.
Cherise: That was really specific.

All because I named a few things Gertrude when I was a teenager
Cherise: Cami always picks the ugliest names.  Her kids are going to be named Penoolope and Chicken Nougat.

Dad: I still need to see automan.
Cami: Aquaman?
Dad: Yeah.
Cami: Automan.  He works on cars.
Dad: He turns into a car.
Cami: That's Transformers, Dad.
Emmett: That's bumblebee.

Cami: And then I stayed in Utah, and that was stupid.
Emmett: Was it stupid or was it an experience?
Cami: I guess it was just an experience.

Emmett: I believe in streaks.  ...on Bing.
Cami: Oh, I thought you were going to say on your undies.

Times of Change and Being Intentional

A few years ago, I started reading How to Win Friends and Influence People because I thought it could help with my lack of friends.  I read two pages, which contained anecdotal human interactions, to which I thought, "These people are stupid."  At that point, I thought, "This book is wasted on me."  I never finished the book.

Almost two months ago, I started The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.  I'm about halfway through.  Do you know how hard it is to read boring common sense?  It's hard.  Especially for someone who is already excruciatingly slow at reading AND can't focus.  I am uncomfortable when people have to watch me fill out forms because how long it takes.  Also, one of my roommates with ADHD laughed at me for taking two months to read a book that she read in two days.  So, yeah, I would say it's difficult.  Besides not being done, it's been a good reminder to become better.

Although the two books aren't the same, I would clump them into the same category: improve your dang skills books.  Or minimize ineptitudes books. Or don't be dumb books.  Any of those categories.  Any will work.  I think for the first book, I just wasn't ready to change.  If we look at the stages of change, I was in the precontemplation/contemplation area for the winning friends book.  I knew that I wasn't good at making friends, but I didn't really think that I needed to make any.  And now, I am on the contemplation track with self-improvement.  "Should that be a good idea?" said 4-year-old Griffin.  I think it should be.

Anyway, things need to change because I am a jobless, homeless (of sorts but not really), single millennial.  I could just say that I'm a millennial, and then people would be like, "Well that's your problem.  Too bad that can't be changed."  Adding the other three words just makes people even more irate or censorious.  I should just resign to my misfortune.  (Or my plight.)  Okay, sorry, sometimes I just get these ideas in my head, and then they come out into my writing.  Mostly, I need to get a job and a place to live because being single and being a millennial are useless worries.  And I just added them to make the problem more tantalizing.  (Attention-seeking much?  I dare say yes.)

The whole idea of this is that I am trying to be more intentional.  I want to set better, more achievable goals for myself.  Not only to get a job, but to be a better neighbour, sister, daughter, etc.  I think because of the way my life has awkwardly turned out in the last 6 months, I am finally able to realize how much I actually need to change and what I want to/need to work on first.  Getting a job.  And intentionally talking to strangers.  I don't do so well at initiating conversations based on some unhelpful beliefs about myself.  So that should be a good idea to change.

It's hard being intentional.  I set goals and don't do very well at keeping them.  So, I guess keep a head's up for a new social experiment that I will put together in the next month.  I'll let you know what my goals are and how I plan on talking to strangers.  Excited?  Probably not.  Because I am really my only reader, and I am not excited.

Making Plans for One's Life--What a Joke

My closet has been a suitcase for the last six months.  If you have seen me in that time and thought, "Wow, Cami's clothes are even more wrinkly than usual," it's because they've been stuffed into a suitcase.  I'm here to tell you that I don't know how to make plans for my life, and when I do, they just get destroyed anyway.

My plan was to go to school at ASU and most likely study architecture.  Granted this was when I was in 8th and 9th grade.  That didn't happen.  I went to BYU and studied Recreation Management.

My plan was to go on a mission when I was 21.  That just got bumped up by a year, so I don't know how much that one really counts.

My plan was to do my internship for my Recreation Management program in Arizona or Hawaii and then stay there (or somewhere besides Utah).  Mostly, I was trying to escape Utah (specifically Provo) for the almost six years that I was there.  My internship and following jobs were in Utah.  So, that escape plan failed miserably.

My plan was to find a job as a Recreation Therapist in Arizona and find a place to live away from my family.  And now my closet is a suitcase.  Because I didn't get a job, and I didn't find a place to live.

So why am I writing this?  Because I don't know what I'm doing.  And only two people read this, so what does it matter?  Those two people include me and . . . I couldn't think of anyone to write because my aunt doesn't even read this anymore.  I know because she asked me if I was going to write anything on my blog, and I realized that she hadn't read the last five posts.  So, I'm writing this because sometimes writing things helps me realize that I really am just a bump on a log.  It's exciting.

The awesome thing about where I am right now is that I have several ideas of what I want to do to be a productive member of society.  I have three business ideas, and one of them I could start super easily.  And another could be started super easily.  And the other one is probably not as great, but it's fun to talk about because it's a bakery specifically for people with diabetes who can't eat sugar and carbohydrates.  We have had quite a few good names proposed for this bakery.  What are your name suggestions?  Sorry, rambling, I got excited about the Diabetabakery (Cherise's name suggestion).

I have hope for the future.  Maybe misplaced hope, but I know that someday I won't live out of a suitcase.  I am looking forward to that day.

How to be Extremely Plain

1. Don't Improve Your Talents
On Sunday, while at work, one of the boys asked me what one fact was the most important for people to know.  I told him that I was mean.  Then he told me that it had to be positive.  He dived into an interrogation that left me remembering that I am just some boring, little life form that has somehow existed for the last 20-something years.  He asked me if I was athletic.  Nope, not that. He asked me if I was smart.  Not that either.  He asked me if I was musical.  Well, kind of, but if you think about the musical capacities of all the people in the world, I would be pretty low on the musical talent.

2. Don't Go Anywhere
Pretend you are going to go somewhere and then don't.  Want to know how many travel plans that I have made and never actually gone anywhere?  Lots.  All the time.  In fact, that's pretty much what I did all of yesterday and today.  Just stay stuck in a little, old college town that drives you crazy.  That's a real good way to stay plain.

Notice the gold stars.  I was gonna go on a trip, and it never happened.  (Actually, I have been to Vegas quite a bit.  Call me a sinner, but I love them card games.  The card games like "Uno" that I played with my cousins when they lived there.)


3. Just be Plain-looking
All my siblings tell me to wear makeup, so I can get married someday.  I gave up a long time ago.  I think I gave up before I ever started going on dates.  Apparently people have to be attractive to be married, so I gave up.  Now before you start telling me, "Cami, how can you think that?  You are attractive" or "Cami, you are so cute," just understand that I am more likely to agree with all the people saying, "With that attitude, you aren't going to get married."  Also, something you should know is that I don't think I am pretty, but I don't think I'm ugly either.  I am merely plain.  There is nothing about my appearance that says, "Woah."  I look like a human.  Wonderful.  I don't make any of the other girls envious, so they feel comfortable talking to me.  I don't make the boys nervous, so they feel comfortable talking to me.  So, really it is kind of nice to look plain.

4. Deny Anything You Do that Could Seem Interesting
It's actually quite easy.  Just say no whenever anyone asks you if you do anything?  Another phrase I use to answer questions is, "It doesn't matter." Now this could have a few different results.  People could become intrigued that you won't tell them anything and think you are cooler than you actually are.  People can also just realize that you have nothing of importance to share and move on.

So, I hope this was helpful.  More likely than not, it wasn't.  My instructions are vague and uninteresting, so good luck with trying to be plain.  Hope it works out for ya.

When the Answer is "Patience"

It's frustrating.  When the answer is "patience," it's frustrating.

Since April, I have been agonizing over my future.  I have been bogged down by trying to figure out what I am doing next and where I am going.  I can't tell you how many times I would write down the names of different states that I was willing to look for jobs in just to cross them all out because I didn't feel right about any of them.  There were a few that would make the cut every now and then; however, when it came down to actually deciding where to apply, it was nowhere.  I didn't want to apply.  One thing was for sure: I didn't want to be in Utah.  I wanted to move.  I wanted to maybe travel for a little while.  And I kind of did that.  I took a month off of work and visited family in a few states.

I applied to jobs in Washington, California, Oklahoma, Arizona, New Mexico, Texas, Utah, and Hawaii.  I interviewed with a few of them as well.  I always ended up ending my application process before being offered a job.  Somehow, I narrowed down my applications to two states: Utah and Arizona.  Why?  Beats me.  As you all know, I stayed in Utah.  Why?  I don't know.  I have asked God over and over and over and over again.  The answer: "Patience."

What do I need to learn here?  Patience
What lack I yet?  Patience
Why don't I have any courage?  Patience
Why am I not progressing the way I want to?  Patience
Why won't you tell me anything?!  Patience

I have accepted that answer and been okay for a while.  I haven't known how long I should wait because how long does one be patient?  One month, two months? A year?  And I never know when God's gonna say, "Okay Cami, I will give you something now.  I will let you have some of the answers you are wanting."  So, I would wait a little bit and ask again.

Patience.

Then another month would go by, so I would think, "Maybe I should ask again.  I don't know when exactly the answer will change."  And when the answer stayed the same, I got angry.  I got irritated.  And, I would stay irritated for the evening.  I would go to bed and in the morning be okay.  I would be okay with waiting.  I would be okay with trying to figure things out on my own for a few days.  And I did try to just make a decision and go with it.  One day I decided to move to Arizona.  The next I was going to stay in Utah.  The next Arizona.  Utah.  Arizona.  Arizona.  Arizona.  Utah (bleh).  Arizona (definitely).  Utah.  Arizona.  Utah.

I don't know how to make decisions.  And I told God that and asked for help.  The help he gave was, "Patience."  Do you know how frustrating it is to receive the same, not comforting answer for months and months?  Probably.  I know I'm not the only one.  But something has happened; I've been forced to know/decide who I am and what I want out of life.

I know that I am a child of God.  I know that I want to get married and be a mom.  That's truly what I want.  And it's stupid and cliche, but that's what I want.  And if I don't get that, at least I can be a recreation therapist.  And maybe go back to school.  Perhaps become a college professor.  (Or an absent-minded professor.)  I have a plan for my life that doesn't depend on me getting married.  I know what I want to do and where I want to go, but I am also willing to rely on the Lord and listen to His council.  Because He loves me.  Even when I doubt.  Even when I can't hear him or am told to be patient.

Like my grandma, my faith is not dependent on outcomes.  I can learn the dreaded lesson of patience.






P.S.  Here's a random note.

End of the Hugging Experiment
I didn't get nearly as many hugs as I thought I would.  Most likely, I just imagine that people want hugs more than they actually do because I am so adverse to giving them.  Or maybe people just like asking me for hugs when they know I don't want them because they think it is funny.  During the 15 days, the most I hugged any one person was thrice.  And I even had people tell me that they would not be giving me hugs.

I think my thoughts on hugs are mostly the same.  Hugging people didn't really give me any added joy.  I don't care for them much on a regular basis.  So, I think I will just go back to my regular hug-denying self.

The Guilt of Not Dating: A Passive Aggressive (Slightly More Aggressive) Note to my Fans (Just Me)

For someone who hates dating so much, I talk an awful lot about dating.  Sorry, I'll try to stop.

My Invisible Man and Me

As a single adult in a church that has a high emphasis on marriage and family, sometimes one can feel a little overwhelmed, out-of-place, and as if he/she is letting down God.  Now, let's get this straight, I am merely 23, so I really shouldn't complain.  I haven't had a lot of experience to make me feel down.  I should remember that I am still young.  Guess what! I do feel young, and sometimes that's the thing that keeps me from dating.  I forget that I am old enough to get married.  Weird.  Below are some of the things that I have heard (whether or not they were the real words of the people talking to me).

"What was wrong with the boy?"  Nothing.  "Then you should have kept dating him.  He liked you." Okay, I get it; I messed up.  For the most part, I just felt like our personalities didn't match up or that the boy moved super fast or I panicked and shut down, and then I said no.  All of the guys that have asked me on dates are super nice guys.  They are great.  But, I just didn't feel like we fit.  Or I panicked.

"You could be married and have three children by now."  No, I could be married and unhappy.  And maybe one child (that I give more attention to than my husband).  I don't want to get married just to get married.  I want to get married to be with someone that I can be with forever and care about always.  I want to get married in order to raise kids in a household where the parents love each other and love their children.  How would I be able to teach my kids to love others if I really wasn't in love with their father?  I want a friend, a best friend.  I want someone to do activities with (bike riding, hiking, raising kids, laughing, etc.).

"Don't you know getting married is essential to your salvation?"  Yes.  "Then why aren't you trying to do so?"  Because I don't have courage.  And yes, I feel guilty for letting this hold me back.  I often feel that I am not doing my part and am letting God down.  I know that I need to get married and raise kids well.  I know without a doubt that I need to be a mom.  I know that I can accomplish a lot as a wife.  I know that you know that I'm missing out.

Also, because people push the idea of marriage onto me so much, I push back and say that I don't want to get married.  But, deep down--deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down--I do want to get married.  I also have quite a few reasons that I shouldn't get married, some of the being the following:
1. I've already failed at being a mother figure.
2. I am so selfish.
3. I am immature.  Think 3-year-old inside an adult body.
4. I don't trust people.
5. I don't know how to be a good friend.
6. I say a lot of bad things.  And, I'm mean.
7. I punch people.  I'm surprised no one has really fought back yet.
8. I don't say, "I love you."
9. Okay, I should probably stop with the negativity.

Basically, everyone has their own timetable.  Yes, I feel guilty a lot for not being married or dating.  I ask God often if I am even doing what He wants me to do.  He says, "Patience."  So, then I wait and try to do what's right.  What's that scripture about being anxiously engaged in a good cause?  Yeah, I just try to do that and follow the commandments.  It helps me stay happy.

So basically, Cami, get off my case.  I'm trying to be a good person, and that's an imperative start for me.  Stop letting guilt rule your life.  Let it go.  Just let it [insert expletive] go.

Also, if this doesn't detract people from dating me, I need to up my game.  The game is called "How awful can I make myself sound?"  Did it work?  Can you resist me now?

And if you are thinking of commenting about how someday some man will sweep me off my feet and there won't be anything I can do beside fall in love with him and marry him, I've already heard that at least once a week for the last four years.  Maybe a little more.  Sure, maybe someday I will fall in love.  But let me do it on my own time.  And let me believe it on my own.  Stop trying to make me think things.

I'm over it.  I don't want to get married, but I do at the same time.  That's pretty much this entire post in one sentence.  I'm just going to go back to my awkward life now.  Have a wonderful week.  Hopefully you can get over this too.  Just let it go.  Forget about it.  It was just a waste of your seven minutes.  These are not the droids you are looking for.  Go back to your daily routine.

Dragon Warriors

Recently, I posted a picture of some of my notes from General Conference.  Which is just this drawing:

I thought I should explain why I drew this, and how it came up.  I was listening to the talk of Elder Hales.  He was talking about kindness and compassion--loving those who hate you.  As he was talking about this, my mission came to my memory.  I had many companions.  And they did NOT like me.  (Okay, maybe two liked me.)  Why was I dwelling on the past?  As I thought about the past, I had a quote come to mind that has been attributed to many people, but the following picture shows who I imagined it coming from:

This reminded me more of my mission.  We had a member of the quorum of the seventy come to our mission, and he was telling us that we determined whether or not we would be good missionaries.  This reminded me of the part in "Kung Fu Panda" where Po's father tells him

I decided to be a dragon warrior.  I can let the past determine the future or not.  (I'm still working on that one.)  But, the greatest thing is not that I have any special talents or awesomeness.  There is nothing that makes me more special than anyone else.  I can be a dragon warrior because I work hard and fight for what is right.  This became a theme for my mission.  And, I still think about after.

This is why I draw dragon warriors.  I can be a dragon warrior.  Anyone can be a dragon warrior.

How to be Super Single at BYU: A Self-Help Guide for Practically No One

In the past semester, I have had lots of random thoughts that I think are hilarious.  Others may not think that they are funny, but I do.  I just thought I should share some with you in the form of a "How To..."  My random thoughts are in italics.  Have fun.

Becoming Super Single

1. Realize Your Potential
You may start out with thoughts that you may want to date and find a future spouse.  But, let's not get too hasty.  Remember that your worth does not depend on your relationship status.  Remember that there are so many great things that you can do.  There are many things that you can be.  You have the ability to create or lose relationships.

One day a boy will think, "Hey, this girl might be fun to be around."  And then he'll ask me out, and I'll decimate that belief.  I think I already did that once.

There is a lot of power in showing people how "fun" you can be.

2. Remember Who You Are
After you realize your potential, live up to it.  Whenever a temptation pops into your head, remember the progress that you have made.  Remember what you have decided to be.

The other day, a boy had a picture quote on his Facebook that sad boys like it when girls sometimes text first.  I wanted to text him just because of that post.  But he would probably think, "Uh! Not this girl."  Be careful what you wish for.

3. Dress Modestly
This step may seem a bit confusing because people are told to be modest even if they do want to be in a relationship.  But, you need to go the extra mile.  This step is especially for girls.  You need to wear clothes that don't hug your curves.  I'll give an example, with this picture.

Oh hey, that kid has the same shirt as me.  Oh, wait.

If you thought the person on the left was a boy, you are wrong.  That is me.  And, I am definitely a girl.  So, dress like a boy.  This is definitely one way to not get asked on dates.  If they don't know what gender you are, they won't bother.

**The other girls look like girls.  Maybe you still thought that I looked like a girl.  I don't know.

4. Be Grateful
There will be people all around you that have boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, or engagees.  They will talk to each other about them.  These people are showing gratitude for what they have.  Although they may be in a different relationship status than is desired, you can still learn from them.  I was able to do this the other day as I was sitting in class.

When classmates open their computers and have pictures with significant others as their home screens, I just think, "I've got poptarts!"

Gratitude will help you come closer to your goal of super singleness.

5. Spend time with Family
Your family right now is all that you need. No matter what other BYU students say, you don't really have to have another relationship.  Family is so great that you should spend lots of time with them.  And then, post pictures together on social media.

Also, if it is your sibling that is the opposite gender, you should especially post those.  But don't tag your sibling or mention anything sibling related. People might think that you are in a relationship and will leave you alone.  I mean, people who want to be in relationship with you will leave you alone.  People who want a wedding announcement will not.

6. Work Hard

Go to school and work to pay for school.  These two things can take so much of your time that you won't have time to develop a relationship (or find any friends for that matter).

I don't have time for friends.  I don't even have enough time to do my homework.

As you stay busy, you relationship status will surely stay at the single mark.

Staying Super Single

Eventually, you will come to a point where dating seems a foreign idea.  You will hear a conversation from the table next to yours about how one of the girls is having a hard time deciding what to do because she went on four dates last week, each a different boy.

People go on multiple dates per week?  Wait.  People go on multiple dates per semester?

Then added by my brother:

Wait, people go on multiple dates?

At this point, you can finally realize that you are completely cut off from the ideals of BYU dating.  You have probably been single for a while now and plan on being that way for another while.  You have reached Super Singleness.  Congratulations!

Although you are Super Single, you constantly be bombarded by the need of other BYU students to be in a relationship.  You will be bombarded by the need of other BYU students to know your relationship.  They will want to set you up.  They will ask you your type.  They will ask you if you think anyone is cute.  They will tell you to flirt (which by the way, shouldn't come naturally to you now that you are super single).  If this gets into your subconscious, don't worry, it happens to the best of us.

I had a dream last night that I was getting married.  Then I woke up and was like, "Whoa whoa whoa, I'm note even dating anyone."

Your dreams do not define who you are.  (Else, I would also be married to a jedi.  And, my family would have been eaten by a tiger.)  Don't worry.  As you continue to follow these steps, you will remain super single for the entirety of your BYU years.

I congratulate you and wish you the best of luck.


P.S. It might also help if you wear shirts of sharks in space while pretending to have a lightsaber in grocery stores.  That could help your singleness.

Or if you are the annoying person who presses all the buttons in the elevator.  That could also help.

Another Week, Another round of Lunch with Cami

This week, I had three participants in my game.

The first was Jocelyn.  After we played the game, she told me that she tried not to laugh.  I didn't realize that anyone would actually take this game seriously.  She told me that once she saw me she had to hold down her laughter.  I guess it isn't my personality that is humorous, it's my looks.  Bummer.  (Jocelyn said that she wasn't laughing at my looks though.)  And, obviously we love taking pictures together.

Next was Chalese.  This lunch is the record breaker for the most laughing.  I must have been more boring during the other lunches. 

Fumi and I ate lunch together last this week.  Fumi was another tough contestant.  I think she almost won, but we had a few good laughs about the adventures of wedding planning.  Sadly, her fiancé couldn't eat with us this week.  Hopefully soon.

If anyone else would like to sign up, there is still lots of time.  If you are too afraid that you will lose, don't worry, you won't be alone.  Come challenge my wit.

I think that I don't have a lot to say this week. I hope you are well.

Dear Everyone,

Two words: rough. week.

Sometimes the Lord lets us struggle.  And it's irritating.  We could not come up with back up plans.  We sat for minutes during daily planning just trying to think of people.  And we would go through all of our potential investigators, former investigators, less active members, etc.  We struggled to pick people to see.  And, this was the week for back ups.  Almost all of our appointments decided not to show.  So, we ran out of back ups and had to just think on the spot of where to go.

On the bright side, during studies this week I thought about honesty.  God is the source of all truth.  He will not lie to us.  It is not in His nature to lie.  So, during my studies I just thought about a phrase that is cliche for women, and this was my reply: "I dare you to ask God if that dress makes you look fat."  And now, I probably will be punished for making light of this subject.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

Instant Gratification--I like it when I get it.

Dear Family,

I was pleasantly surprised with an email from Sister Boucher this morning.  She is still in Dunn with Sister Olive, who she trained.  But, I was so thankful for the note that she sent:

"You will never guess who got baptized this weekend :)))

I hope I follow you to Durham. You plant good seeds." 

It followed with a picture of a boy before his baptism.  The boy baptized is Emanuel.  His mom is a less active member that I had the privilege of teaching.  She was actually visit taught by Dorinda, Grandma Hunt's sister-in-law, a few years ago.  I am so thankful that I get to be a gardener.  I don't get much harvest, but I am thankful to hear when others do.

It was great gratification to me to get this email.  I am a little narcissistic--that's why I shared it.

Oh yeah!  I have a new companion.  Sister Doty successfully arrived in Nevada last week.  So, Sister Judd is here in Durham.  We are already making plans for our being split next transfer.  It isn't because we don't like each other.  It just is that we have talked a lot about what we have hoped to have happen on our missions.  Our predictions involve her training in Durham, and I will open South Boston.  She hasn't trained yet, and she has 3 transfers left. And, I really really really want to go to South Boston.  I know I could do the work of the Lord.  I could plant some really good seeds.  But, I will do what the Lord asks of me.  I don't know what the future has in store, but I know it has to work out.

I wanted to share something that I read in my studies this week.

Moses 7:48  And it came to pass that Enoch looked upon the earth; and he heard a voice from the bowels thereof, saying: Wo, wo is me, the mother of men; I am pained, I am weary, because of the wickedness of my children. When shall I rest, and be cleansed from the filthiness which is gone forth out of me? When will my Creator sanctify me, that I may rest, and righteousness for a season abide upon my face?

I found a lot of similarities to myself in this scripture.  The hardest part about being a missionary is seeing all of my weaknesses.  I am tired of making mistakes.  I see the pain that I put people (mostly companions) through, and I hate it.  I know that is a strong word, but I have strong feelings towards this.  When I am discouraged, it is because I have made so many mistakes.  I realize that I need to fix the problems that I have caused between another person and me, and I end up making it worse.  I get tired of being unintelligent and annoying and rude.  I have been like this for 21 years.  That is too long.  I end up crying to my Heavenly Father wondering why I have to have so many faults and weaknesses.  Why do I have to keep making these mistakes?  Why am I so contentious?  As I read this scripture, I thought about the Earth being put into a fallen state because of the fall of Adam.  It is a curse of the earth to have weaknesses.  It is going to take a really long time (in mortal terms) to be free of my weaknesses and, forgive my language, stupidities.  I cannot wait for the day that I finally become like Christ and am perfect.  This is the hardest part about being a missionary.  I constantly see my weaknesses, and I don't have instant gratification for trying to improve.  It is slow and painful.  But, it is necessary.  I will eventually be a better person.  I am really going to love that day.

On a better note, I really am happy.  The Gospel of Jesus Christ is changing my life for good.  The Atonement is real and changes my heart.  The Atonement comforts, strengthens, stretches, and perfects us.  It allows us to be people that we would not otherwise be able to be.  It allows us to make positive changes in the world.  It allows miracles to happen according to our faith.  It is the glue that holds our lives together.  I love the Atonement.  And, I love learning about it.  I am so thankful for the Savior.  I love that He loves me.  I love that He loves my family.  I love my family.  I love Jesus Christ.  I love a lot of things, like oreos.  I love to open mail from family that talk about all the miracles that are happening in their life.  I love to hear about what others are learning.  I am so thankful to be a missionary.  I am thankful that I am changing even though I have a really really really hard time seeing it.  I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  "I know who I am.  I know God's plan.  I'll follow Him in faith." (children's song)  I love all of you.  I love North Carolina.  I love planting seeds.  It's dirty work, but allows others to reap.  It blesses the kingdom of God.  And now, that I have said all of this, my closing testimony, I think I can pass away.  Just kidding!  I probably shouldn't put that, but I have a morbid sense of humor.  Let's see who reads all the way and actually gets to this part.  If I were reading this, I would probably just skim and miss it.  This letter is way too long.  I will probably have two sentences next week.  I love you.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

P.S. Sorry it is so long.  I can just rant sometimes.

The Side Effects of Being a Missionary

Dear Family,

There are a lot of things that happen when you are a missionary.  A lot.

First, we get bad tan lines.  Sorry, the picture might be a little disturbing, but I had to share my scary feet with everyone.  The tan gets worse on the weeks without the car.

Second, I got attacked by fire ants.  Hence the little red dots on the right foot.  The picture wouldn't have been as bad if I took the picture at the beginning of the week.  We were riding our bikes on Thursday, and we stopped at a red light.  The light turned green, and as soon as I lifted my foot to pedal, my foot itched.  I looked down and had ants all over my foot up to mid -calf.  So, I pulled to the side, hopped off my bike, pulled my shoes off and started whacking my shoes on the ground.  It was so itchy!

Third, we often draw the plan of salvation.  It is so wonderful to know that there is actually purpose to this life.  I don't know what I would do if I didn't have goals.  Which is number 4: we make goals always.  We always have a plan for what we are doing next.  And, if we don't have a plan, we soon come up with one.  We have direction in our life.  We have something to work towards.

Fifth, we learn the scriptures very well.  We are constantly comparing scriptures to ourselves.  This week was 1 Nephi 16.  In the chapter, Laman and Lemuel and parts of Ishmael's family "humble themselves" four times.  I was getting really annoyed when I was reading it.  I was thinking, you just did that!  But, I thought about many people in my life that do that (including myself).  It is a lot easier to be patient with people when you love them.  I haven't yet developed a love for Laman and Lemuel, but I love so many people out here and at home that humble themselves constantly.  They make mistakes and have to repent frequently.  Love is so important in the work of God.  Love makes the work so much easier; we have so much greater desire to see people progress.  I am so thankful for the wonderful example of my loving Heavenly Father and my family here on this earth.  I love all of you.  Thank you.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

Members and Missionaries: What's the Difference?

Answer: Missionaries wear Sunday clothes every day.

Dear Family and Friends,

Yesterday was regional stake conference.  It was all about hastening the work, in some form or another.  So, Sister Mayfield and I have been talking about how to get more on the same page as the members.  This is going to be a great month.  Our Stake has the goal of 228 baptisms for the year of 2014.  That means 12 baptisms per companionship this year.  We are extremely excited to get this rolling.  That means we have to find people to teach.  We are going to have to work with the members every second of every day.  We can do this!

Also, I got a call on Saturday from President Bernhisel.  He asked if I would accept the challenge calling of Sister Leader.  I accepted.  I guess I didn't mess up enough last time.  We'll see how it goes this next transfer.  It should be rather interesting.

I hope you are doing well.  Sounds like it has been a fun time.  Lots of fun.

Go with God,

Sister Turley