A Season of Hope and Joy

Today I wanted to share some things that give me hope in this world. This is what has gotten me through life and has helped me through some of my darkest days. Also, it is very fitting to share this because it's about Jesus Christ, and the present day Christmas celebration is about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Christmas Day #4

I want to share with you The Book of Mormon. To request a copy of the Book of Mormon, you can click here.  In the introduction, Joseph Smith is quoted to say, "I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book." I have experienced that this book has gotten me closer to God than anything else. 

There are lots of questions about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And there are sometimes doubts that come up, but whenever I do doubt or have questions, The Book of Mormon helps me. I believe this book to be true, and all of the rest of the stuff rests upon that.

If you need more hope and joy in your life, this book is for you. Recently, I have talked to a few people that are so depressed about the state of the world. They just want peace. Or hope. Or love. And that all comes from Jesus. This book brings you closer to Jesus.

I know I mentioned a few places helping during natural disasters on the first day when I mentioned American Red Cross and The Salvation Army. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also has helped in so many ways. We have the helping hands, Bishop's storehouse, service missionaries, giving machines, and more. I have seen so many people helped from this church. People's lives have changed when they have read the Book of Mormon. I'm not joking. I've seen people who are so low and don't know how to get better to having a job and a clean home and a smile on their face. I've also participated in Bishop's storehouse which helps provide food for people in the congregation who might be struggling. Part of my mission was to do service. I helped at hospitals, assisted living centers, people's yards, and a few other places. The church encourages helping others. It's not just limited to this book.

Keep Moving Forward

I want to say that life is so interesting.  And it's an adventure.  There are a ton of times when I think that I have nothing to show for how long I have lived on this earth.  I think that I should already have my career and have something stable in my life.  And I just don't.  My life has taken so many turns in the last two years, that I just feel like I have nothing.  And the thing about life is that I'm gonna be reading my journals 20 years from now, or maybe even 5 years from now, and I'll think about how all this fretting and worrying and believing I have nothing was worthless.  I will have gone through these struggles and realized that God was there the entire time and made me do these things that are scary because He knows that I need to be tougher.  He knows that I need to grow up and actually become what He wants me to become.  And 5-20 years from now when I'm reading my journal, I will be cracking up about all the little things that I was worried about.  (And because I'm funny.  My journals are hilarious.  But that's besides the point.  My sister can vouch for my weird journal entries though.)

God is mindful of you because you are His child.  He has called you to do a great work because He believes in you.  I loved a thought that was shared in a fireside tonight by Elder Alliaud, that we feel inadequate because we are.  And God calls us to go through things even though we have inadequacies and sometimes because of our specific inadequacies.  And I think that is truth.  God knows our weaknesses, and He intends to use them for our good.

God has a plan for you, and it's different from your own plan.  'Cause guess what: this girl from 2009 thought she was going to graduate with an undergraduate degree and then be a math or science teacher for the rest of her life.

And this girl in 2019 was working on a Master's degree in Parks and Recreation Management.  And she had taught kids how to ski, snowboard, and rappel, which is something that girl from 2009 didn't even know how to do.

And in 2029, I'll have done who knows what, but maybe I will finally look like an adult.

I can tell you one thing that has been consistent all my life.  God has always been there and has always been willing to hear and answer my prayers.  His answers have often not been ones that I wanted and often delayed, so I can learn something.  And I hate it.  I've always had an interesting relationship with God, but I have learned more about Him and myself by finding where He wants me to go.  I haven't found that God has ever turned me away when I have sought Him.  And He has never told me I'm not allowed to find peace, even on the days when peace is hard to find.  God's there.  Talk to Him.  He wants to hear from you.

General Conference Brings All the Emotions

My friend Jake was talking to me about my blog today, between sessions, and asked a question pertaining to me writing about General Conference.  I commented that I felt that I incorporated it into many of my posts.  And then I thought about how I could write a post about General Conference.  That is when Sunday Afternoon session hit.

In the Sunday Afternoon session, President Russell M. Nelson announced the deletion of Visiting Teaching.  If you can recall my last blog post "Quitting My Calling," you can probably guess my reaction.  I jumped off the couch, yelling "Yes! Yes!" My notebook went flying to the other couch and my pen to the wall across the room.  I landed and slowly sank to my knees: "thank you."  Next came the texts:

As I helped my roommate load stuff into her car during Elder Holland's talk, I thought about what a great day and age we live in.  We have so much work to do.  We are to minister to the people around them and, as Elder Massimo De Feo talked about, have "pure love" for those around us. I thought the words, "I have a work for you to do."  I looked up the phrase on lds.org, and wouldn't you know it, there is something from the previous General Conference about this phrase.  Elder John C Pingree Jr talked in October 2017 about each person having a role in building up the kingdom of God and developing our talents and relying on God to do so. Below is the very beginning of his talk.

There were lots of themes: covenants, temple work, family history, service, loving others, and others.  I still haven't seen the Saturday Morning session.  So, I'll be working on that.  Probably for the next 6 months.  I just finished the October 2017 General Conference a week and a half ago.  It was awesome.  And Neil L Andersen's "The Voice of the Lord" was incredible to listen to right before a new General Conference.  He talked about how each talk is inspire of the Lord and how the talks are not usually assigned.  Each conference contains themes that are much needed by the world during that time.  And with that said, I think the themes from this conference call for a lot of action and change, at least I know I need to change a lot.

And just for fun, here are some of my unofficial Conference Notes:

I invite you to read or watch the Conference messages for the next 6 months.  Do better than me.

Does God Love Me?

Growing up Christian, I heard a lot about Jesus being crucified for the sins of the world.  When we would talk about it at church, I often heard people say that God must have been so sad and heartbroken to see His Son, Jesus Christ, assaulted and killed.  It always made me wonder, "Is God not sad or worried about the rest of us?"  I knew that God loved Jesus Christ--His Beloved Son.  But, did God love me?  I took it upon myself to find out.

At the age of 12 or 13, I started doing Personal Progress--this weird value program that helps teenage girls become stronger in the gospel.  (It wasn't my favorite thing to do.)  I started with the value of Individual Worth because I did not see my worth.  I didn't fully believe that God loved me, and I thought this would be one of the best ways to find out.  I completed a project on family history.  It taught me a few things.

Just ignore the little "Add Husband" rectangle.  I mean, if you have any suggestions, I'm open.

As I worked on family history, I realized that there are so many individuals on this earth.  And God counts all of them.  He cares that each person is accounted for.  He knows all of His children.  (Moses 1:35)  As I read Doctrine and Covenants 121:45 and John 13:34, I understood that as we serve God's children, we will feel His love for them.  Of course, there is also the scripture that everyone knows from sporting events: John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Prayer
One of the greatest ways that I have come to know that God loves me is through prayer.  If you pray to God, He will let you know that He loves you.  Prayer is the way that we talk to God.  He will put feelings in your heart and thoughts in your head that will confirm His love for you.  Often my prayers take the form of a children's song--A Child's Prayer.  Below are the words that mean most to me.  I tried to create pictures to show the spacing of the words that give me the most meaning.  I truly feel God is there when I sing/say these words.

God is our loving Heavenly Father.  It's the thing that we must learn for anything in this life to mean anything.  Sadly, I sometimes forget this.  I find myself wondering if I mean anything to God.  Moses 1:39 says, "This is my work and my glory--to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man."  God's whole purpose is to help his humans.  You give purpose to the greatest Being.  You give purpose to God.  You are not nothing.  He loves you.  He loves me.  And though you may forget it and may fall short of expectations, you are still loved.

The answer is yes.  God loves me.

The World's Okayest Dad

I want to tell you about a man who I have thought about quite a bit in the last few weeks.  Maybe this will make up for the fact that I only called him for a few minutes on Fathers' Day and that was it.  I want to tell you about a man who has taught me a few things.  I'm not saying he is the best dad in the world.  In fact this is the mug he has gotten for a few Fathers' Days.

There were a few years that I felt that he wasn't around much: my junior and senior year of high school to be exact.  But, I don't really think you can blame him.  He isn't a bad dad.  I want to tell you about the things that I have learned from this man.

This man calls himself the Dominator.  I gave a little shout out to him in my post about winning a national championship.  I've adopted this need to dominate.  No one actually calls him the Dominator, though he writes it on his cup every time we go to my grandparents' home.  He likes to talk smack during all the games we play.  (Another attribute that I have adopted.)  Yet with all this smack, he can still get people to play games with him.  He knows how to turn everything into a tournament.  Speaking of which, I won the two March Madness bracket competitions that I entered this year.  Domination!

This man loves Christmas.  Let me repeat, loves Christmas.  Loves it.

Every June 25, he has a halfway to Christmas celebration.  He sometimes puts up a tree and puts a gift under for each person in the family.  Often he has a party and desserts.  Which reminds me, that he also likes to have parties.  With close family and friends.  I've learned that there is never a such thing as listening to Christmas music too early.  In fact, it is perfect for lightening the mood and for when one is stressed.  I have adopted this practice as well.

This man has also taught me about enduring to the end.  Once upon a time, this man had a wife.  And then she died.  He didn't give up.  He tried to be a dad that was around more.  Yeah, there were a few rough years that didn't go the way that everyone thought they should.  Yeah, he made mistakes, but everyone does.  Yeah, my dad and I had a terrible relationship.  But we don't anymore.

This man was trying to raise five really weird kids.  We were all going through hard things.  I don't think any of us were seeing eye-to-eye with any of the rest of us.  We all were dealing with things in the best way we know how.

This man taught me that God is the number ONE in our lives.  We can't make it without Him.  He is the bearer of peace.  To quote O Holy Night, "And in His name, all oppression shall cease."  I think my dad understood this a long, long time ago (he's old (kind of (actually, he's probably younger than your dad))).  I am thankful that my dad understands that the world isn't going to get better by rejecting God.  I am thankful that I know that God is the source of peace.

This man taught me that the temple is the House of God.  And by following God, we can enter in this beautiful building and make our families last forever.  He has taught me about the power of God.

So, even though my dad and I are still building a better relationship, I have learned a lot.  And you can probably guess that I am a lot like my dad.  'Cause yes, I think I am a lot like my dad.  The good and the bad.  But hey, we've got God with us.  And that is what will make us awesome.

The Worst Adventure Ever

Four years ago, I was in North Carolina.  I was starting my mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  If you are Mormon, you have probably heard the saying, "The best two years."  This refers to a person's mission being the best years of their life.  My mission was anything but my best years.  As I see Facebook posts about people remembering how awesome their missions were, I find myself trying to forget things that happened on my mission.  I tell myself to let it go.  I tell myself to forget my mission and move on with my life; it's holding me back.  I guess this post is a way I am trying to do that.  I need to let the memories stop haunting me and enabling me to feel pity for my past.  Bad things happen to everyone, why should I let mine keep me from being happy?  Why should I feel bad?  I am not an exception.  People move on, so should I.

Before moving on, if you are contemplating serving a mission, I just want to remind you of one thing:  you will be a representative of Christ.  This means that you will be "despised and rejected of men" and "acquainted with grief" (Isaiah 53:3).  Are you ready to be hated?  Because I can promise you that you will be hated.  You will be told to go to Hell.  People will slam doors in your face.  But, I also want to remind you that as a representative of Jesus Christ, you are also charged with the care of a companion.  This, my friends, is what I want to share with you.

Again before moving on, I want to apologize to all of my companions.  I know that I can be difficult to live with.  I don't love people in the same ways that others love.  I don't give hugs and say, "I love you."  I tried to be better.  I know that some of you did not feel love in the way that you would have wanted.  I am sorry for that.  I do my best to love everyone and treat them as human beings.  I apologize if I failed.  I want you to know that I did not hate you.  Okay, now we can move on.

If you don't know already, as a child, I had a lot of suicidal thoughts.  The thing that kept me from killing myself was a fear of Hell--and then later, knowing that Heavenly Father loves me and has a purpose for me.  These thoughts were common in junior high and slowly faded away throughout high school.  I was greatly blessed with these thoughts being taken away.  Not everyone will have that.  Some people have these thoughts persist their entire lives.  Somehow I was lucky.  Anyway, by the time I got my mission call, I wasn't having suicidal thoughts anymore.

My sister served a mission at the same time as me.  She had started her mission 6 weeks before me, and ended 6 weeks before me.  When I saw her for the first time after my mission, we embraced and I said to her, "I hope your mission was better than mine."

During the last two weeks of my mission, I prayed every night that the Lord wouldn't let me wake up.  I prayed that it would be my last day.  This is how I had come to deal with my suicidal thoughts.  I thought that instead of acting on these thoughts, I should put it in the hands of the Lord.  I knew that if He kept me alive, there was still more that I needed to accomplish in life.  If he let me die, I would finally be taken from my miseries.  Here is why I had suicidal thoughts on my mission.

I felt that my companions hated me.  I felt this way because I was told that I was unlovable.  I was told I was like a ball and chain, "I hate you," and that it was my fault that things went wrong.  I was reminded that it was my lack of faith keeping us from finding people to teach.  (Which also made me question my faith.)  I was accused of being "trunky" (a word which here means mentally AWOL while being physically present) because I mentioned death near the end of my mission.  In reality, I had had three family members die while I was on my mission.  So death was just something that I thought about.  Often.  It still is.

The doubt and awful feelings for myself increased throughout my mission.  I questioned my faith.  I questioned whether or not I was actually a good person.  I began to wonder how I was such a terrible person that all of my companions hated me.  I tried to serve my companions to let them know that I was trying to not be awful.  I tried to get out of their way when I knew that they hated the way I did things.  I just didn't understand.  I didn't know how when I tried so hard, I still ended up hated.  I still couldn't do things right.  The harder I tried the worse I was.  I was nothing.

Serving a mission is hard.  You have to constantly think of others and serve them.  You have to be willing to be hated.  During those 18 months, I told myself over and over, "I am not serving my mission for my companions, I am serving it for the Lord."  The Lord is the one who trusted me.  I forgot to see that.  I learned a lot about Jesus Christ.  I learned to love people.  My mission taught me that Jesus Christ is there in every small thing.  He wants His children to know Him.  My relationship with Him increased.  Even though I failed at trying to be kind to companions and loving them in the way they feel love, Jesus Christ loved me and them.

My mission is something I try to forget, but I try to remember my relationship with Christ.  When I forgot about myself and remembered what I was doing, I was truly happy.  Serving God's children is one of the best callings ever.  He knows what He is doing, even when we don't.  I would totally recommend serving a mission if you want to know God.  Just know that serving a mission comes with a price.  Are you willing to pay that price?  I'll let you know that the price is much less than the worth.  God loves you.  He knows you.  Even when you feel worthless and that you can't get better, He loves you.  He will help you be truly happy.  His happiness is like no other happiness on earth.

Go with God

Eternal Families Awareness Month

May is here again.  And you know what that means: Eternal Families Awareness Month.  Okay, maybe you didn't know that that is what May meant.  And, I didn't really think about it until on the 1st of May when my brother sent a text to the family saying, "Happy eternal families awareness month!"

Sometimes I pretend like this month doesn't really affect me.  I actually wanted to start this blog post by saying, "Why I don't have feelings."  But, as I thought about it, I guess I do have feelings.  But, I don't think the feelings are quite what people would expect.  I don't really know how to miss my mom anymore.  In fact, I don't even remember much about her.  She's been gone for so long, I don't really remember what it is like to have a mom.  So, the sad feelings aren't really there.  Which probably sounds really awful, but death just doesn't phase me anymore.  Death has become hope.

Death is hope.  That probably sounds really awful and slightly suicidal.  Let me tell you why death is hope.  First, here is a video.  Want to know how many times I have watched this?  I don't even know; it's too many times to keep track of.

Because of Jesus Christ, I will see my mom again.  I will see my grandma again.  I will see my aunt again.  I will see my great grandparents again (yeah, all except one was alive when I was born, so I got to know some of my great grandparents).  I'll get to see my friends again.  My family members will get to see their friends again.  Basically, death is the most awesome family reunion you could ever imagine.  Just joking, you can't even imagine it.  Unless you are a lot more righteous than me (which isn't hard to do.)

I also believe that through Jesus Christ, we have power on this earth to keep our families forever.  It is through the temple that we receive this promise and are able to use this power.  My family has done so, so I know that I will be part of my family still forever.

Death is hope.  This doesn't mean I actively try to die, but when the time comes, I will openly embrace it and thank Heavenly Father for my time on earth.  I will say thank you that I will be able to see my family again.  I will say thank you for taking care of me and taking care of my family.  God loves you.  Don't you forget it.  He knows what He is doing even when we have a hard time believing so.  He wants us to feel His love.  He loves you.

P.S. I promised myself I wouldn't draw attention to struggles May brings in my life, but I think this message is good.  I want to share the hope that I find in May.

Leaving BYU

What?!  Why are you leaving BYU?

'Cause I'm graduating!  Even so, I am glad that I am done with BYU.  I am glad to leave.  And for this gladness, I have a not so great reason and a kind of awesome reason.  I'll start with the not so great, so you can skip it if you want.


NOT SO GREAT
I have a problem with BYU/Provo Culture.  It goes a little something like this: You better date and get married or you're dumb. People expect to find their "soul mates" at BYU.  And they expect it of everyone else at BYU.  If you didn't come to BYU to find a spouse, then why are you here?  Every conversation includes marriage as a topic--it's inevitable.

I once was in a group of about eight girls.  All were married, engaged, or about to be engaged except for me.  One girl decided that each girl should tell her love story to the group.  I was hoping that my invisibility skills would kick in, but nonetheless I was seen and asked to inform the group of my beautiful tale of romance.  I simply stated, "I'm single."  And the group just stared at me as if I was broken.  Their sad faces were just that--sad.  I had broken their fragile hearts with my sad tale of woe.  I had added a drop of depression to their pleasant, pretend perfect day.  I ruined it.  I ruined their happiness.  And I think they thought I had also ruined mine.

This is why I hate BYU culture.  Just because I am single doesn't mean that I am unhappy or worth any less.  Just because I didn't get married while at BYU doesn't mean that I didn't fulfill my purpose there.  My life is more than just finding a man.  Yes, it is pleasing to God when people get married.  Yes, I am pretty sure God wants all of His children to have lasting and loving marriages, but I can still improve my life while I am unmarried.  I can still become a better person.  And when I do finally meet that person and decide that I'm okay with dating, I will be better prepared.  Yeah, I'll still be imperfect and make tons of mistakes, but I will have learned a lot of things.  And guess what!  I am pretty sure that I have learned and experienced more than a handful of married BYU students.  I have changed lives, including my own, in ways that some of them have not.  So, why should I be sad about that?

To the people who have bet against my ability to make it through BYU without getting married: taste the awful bitterness of defeat.  Yeah, it may be a little harsh, but this is my life, not yours.  And I'm still imperfect and have much work to do in the kindness area.

KIND OF AWESOME

In the last three years, I have come to understand the meaning of "Enter to Learn--Go Forth to Serve."  We aren't meant to stay in school forever. We aren't meant to get an education just to soak it all in and never use it.

Because of my major, I have been shown a path that lots of people don't even know about.  I have been given opportunity to explore the world of Residential Treatment Centers (RTC).  As a staff in a few RTCs, I have been counted as a guardian for more than 50 kids.  Their safety has been in my hands, and it has been my responsibility to teach them and love them.  I have used the knowledge of mental illness and human development to fulfill these responsibilities.

Because I have come to BYU, I have seen the light in roommates' eyes grow.  I have been there to share my thoughts and my testimony.  I have used my knowledge of the gospel to give aid to roommates who were seeking help.

And now I am ready to go.  I am ready to keep serving and finding people wherever I may go that need some of the learning that I have gained from BYU.  That's really the purpose of higher education: serving in higher capacities.  Because I know more, I can help more.  I'm done with BYU and being in this bubble.  It's kind of like this meme I saw a few years ago.

I'm ready to spread out and stop stinking.

JUST SOMETHING INTERESTING
If you want to see how college went for me, here are some pictures.

First Semester:

Next to Last Semester:

At some point, my homework started being more reading and trying to comprehend it than solving equations, so my grades dropped dramatically.  Maybe I should have stuck with Chemistry or Math.

What Do You Believe and Why?

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about why I believe the things that I do.  First and foremost, I believe that God exists and that His son, Jesus Christ, came to the Earth to save all people.

I believe that through the power of God families can be together forever.  The building in the above picture is where God blesses families for forever. We make promises that connect our families together and to God.

I know that I can see my loved ones who have passed on again.  It will be one great family reunion.

Why do I believe this? Because I  have lost many people that I love and that have listened to me, I have had to find others who will listen to me and help me.  (To learn more about this, you can read Getting Married.)  And when God becomes the only one you can talk to, you get to know who He is and what He wants for you.  God has shown me His love.  He helps me be better than who I already am.  These videos express better the things that I have come to understand.

I would love to have you reply in the comments about what you believe and why.
Also, if you click the orange button to the left of this post, you can read more.

We Choose Each Day

On a run that I took this week, I listened to a General Conference talk by Kevin W. Pearson.  The talk was given in April this year.  He had two really great quotes that I wanted to share.

Quote 1

The first quote reminded me of a conversation that I had with my sister.  She expressed her displeasure of Mormons not being accepting of people.  The quote helped me understand why we don't accept the values of some groups or individuals and sometimes even stay away from those same people.  We should never stop trying to share the truth, but we should also be cautious of what we are taking in.  Elder Pearson said,

"Heeding those who do not believe in Christ will not help you find Him."

Quote 2

I just like that this quote is a reminder as to the constant need to work hard.  It always make a very lofty goal seem a little more attainable.

"Our daily discipleship will determine our eternal destiny."

Being Consecrated When it is Rough

Today in church, the theme seemed to be enduring trials.  Many people bore testimony of how faith has helped them get through hard things.  Many spoke about how they have see God's tender mercies in their lives.  God loves you.  He knows what struggles you are having.  I hope that you all know that a consecrated missionary is not one that baptizes a lot.  That could happen, but the consecration is dedication.  Are you dedicated to your Lord?  Is your will His will?  Will you do the work no matter what happens?  This is what I learned as a missionary.  Faith, for me, was doing the work even though I had a spiritual blindfold on.  I had a hard time seeing, but I kept doing.  I know this is the work of the Lord.


This is a video that I truly love.  It has helped me in many times of trial and questioning.  I am thankful for the hard things.  Because they make me tough.  Don't pick a fight with this girl. Okay, seriously, I know that my Heavenly Father gives me what I need.  We are here to understand our true potential.

For more videos visit mormonchannel.org

Being a Disciple of Christ

This was my update from last week that just didn't make it to my blog until now.

Hey Missionaries,

Sorry I didn't get a letter out last week.  Monday kind of came and left without me knowing.  I gave my Homecoming talk today, so I thought I would share some notes from it with you.  I never really write down my talks. I just write down some scriptures and some experiences that I might want to mention, so I don't have anything that is specific.

I shared some thoughts from Elder Rasband's talk "The Joyful Burden of Discipleship."  I read Doctrine and Covenants 84:88 (I call it the angel verse).  After reading that, I shared an experience from my first area, Wilmington.  I was teaching a man who had had a friend commit suicide that week.  We got to teach the Plan of Salvation, and I shared that my mom could possibly be an angel teaching his friend.  I know that angels surround us as we do the work of the Lord.

I read parts of Alma 26.  And then I shared some miracles that I had written down from my mission:

1/15/14  We set up a return appointment with Stephanie.

4/4/14  We gave a Book of Mormon to Tadarrius.

7/6/14  We got to talk with Rose Price.

9/15/14  Shykelah called us back.

10/25/14 We invited Jacqueline to church.

 I hope you are all doing well.  Keep up the good work. Thanks for all you do.

Go with God,

Cami Turley

Retaking ALP

Dear Family and Friends,

Well, I am getting transferred. I am being transferred to Arizona. Can you believe it?  18 months has come and gone. 

So, I wanted to share something that I have thought.  In Elementary school, I was in the Accelerated Learning Program (ALP).  I would miss a few hours of my regular class to go learn in a special class with fewer students.  In junior high school and high school, it was known as 'honors.'  But, the kids in the honors classes tended to care more about school and learning.

On my mission, I have found that my gospel learning and loving has been more dense than before.  I drew a graph once that looked like this to describe it.  X is time.  Y is learning and loving.  The red box is my mission.  The acceleration is much greater than the time before it.  (I don't really think my learning is going to level out like the graph shows, but I wanted to show that there is/has been a difference.)  

As I drew this, I realized that a mission is an accelerated learning program.  ALP!  I am in ALP again.  And, I have found that I am kind of in my ALP/honors bubble.  There are more people that care about learning and loving Jesus Christ.  They want to learn.  It has been fun.  I love being around people who also want to do this.  They want to live the gospel.  It is so great to go to missionary meetings because there is such a wonderful spirit.  Everyone loves each other and wants to help each other.  I am truly going to miss this.  I love being a missionary.  I love being a gospel tutor.  I really get to teach people on an individual basis.  It is so fun.

Thanks for all of the help that you have given.  I am thankful that I have such great support.  I am grateful for a such a wonderful gift to give to others.  I am thankful for this Christmas season.  Christmas seriously is the best--people are thinking about Jesus Christ.  I am thankful for my Savior.  I am thankful for his sacrifice, that we may live again, that we can become more than what we currently are.  I love the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.  It is the true church.  I am thankful that I get to continue to share my testimony.  I love you.  I hope you are all doing well.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

The Atonement and Obedience

Dear Family,

I have come to know on my mission that I cannot change in one day.  I simply have weaknesses that I must live with and work on for years and years and years and years and maybe a lot more years.  So, I have learned--especially in the past two weeks--that what is required of me is to be obedient to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  And as I do so, the Atonement will have a part in my life.  Jesus Christ can heal me.  It will be slow in my eyes and get frustrated that I am not changing, but without a doubt, I am slowly being changed.

I have also learned that this means that I will be a stumbling block for others in the process.  I will be their trial that helps them change.  I hate this fact, but 'tis truth.  I may not necessarily be doing anything that is rude, low, or malicious, but I will still be a stumbling block.  I have weaknesses, and I make mistakes.  Others are going to have to live with choices that I have made and will make.  They may not like what I do.  So, they will have to make choices based on mine and learn lessons that are in store for them.  This is the uncomfortable and unpleasant truth of mortality: we are weak.

Luckily, God will let us be perfect in the end if we are obedient to His commandments and rely on the Atonement.

"In a world where sorrow

Ever will be known,

Where are found the needy

And the sad and lone,

How much joy and comfort

You can all bestow,

If you scatter sunshine

Ev'rywhere you go.

Scatter the smiles and sunshine all along your way.

Cheer and bless and brighten Ev'ry passing day."

(Scatter Sunshine, LDS Hymnal #230)

We may have weaknesses but we can still scatter sunshine.  Smile--it's good for the soul.

I love all of you.  I want to apologize for being a hurdle sometimes.  I want to thank you for loving me still.  I am thankful that I have a family that is so kind and generous and patient.  I know that the Lord loves you.  I am so thankful for the Atonement.  I am thankful that I can be more than what I currently am.  I am thankful for infinite chances.  I am thankful for commandments.  I love being a missionary.  I love the people of North Carolina.  And, I love my companion even if she doesn't think I do.  I pray for her and her family every night.  I know that God is watching over them.  He loves them and wants them to be happy.  Keep moving forward, for forward is the best and smartest way to go.  I love you (LOTS). 

Go with God,

Sister Turley

I was a missionary this week.

Dear Blog Readers (You really don't have to read if you don't want to.),

What do you want to know about?

I think I have said pretty much everything that I can think of.  I can officially stop writing letters.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

p.s.  We are trying to find people to teach. 

The Book That Changes My Life

Dear Family,

​I got to finish reading the Book of Mormon again this week.  It was a great experience.  My mission president, President Bernhisel, invites us to write our testimony before reading and after.  So, I wrote my testimony.  I just wanted to share that with you this week.

I want to reiterate the words of Joseph Smith from the Introduction: "a man [will] get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book."  This is the the Book of Mormon.  And the statement doesn't take away from the fact that the Bible is the word of God.  The Bible and the Book of Mormon are both scripture.

I am happier than I have ever been in my life.  And that could be because I am a missionary and share the gospel every day.  But, I know that reading the Book of Mormon has helped immensely with that.  As I have read, I have come to understand my Savior, Jesus Christ, better.  I have learned more about His Atonement and what it means to me.  I love Alma 36 because it truly shows the affects of the Atonement of Jesus Christ in one man's life. "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me. . . "  "And oh, what joy, and marvelous light I did behold"

I have learned from the book of Ether that I can see God.  I can have faith to see Him.  God wants us to know Him.  Jesus Christ showed Himself to the Brother of Jared "and all this, that this man might know that he was God."  Jesus Christ promised in Matthew 5, "Blessed are the pure in heart: for they shall see God."  Alma 30:44 says, "all things denote there is a God" and "do witness that there is a Supreme Creator."

My eyes have been opened as I have read the Book of Mormon.  I can see God in my life more.  And God is the source of happiness.  Because I see Him, I am happy.  The Book of Mormon has allowed that to happen.  The Book of Mormon is truly God's word.  It truly brings me closer to Him.

I look forward to reading the Book more and coming even closer to Christ.  Below is the invitation and promise from Moroni.  Ask God.  He will tell you the truth.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

A Day in the Life of a Missionary

Dear Family,

Prepare for a story.  Sit down.  Relax.  This is going to be good.  Here is what I wrote in my journal about Tuesday.  I was on exchanges in Durham 1st ward.  Here goes.

On Tuesday, Sister Loftis and I woke up and did the normal morning routine.  Then Facebook and lunch.  Then we went to a woman's home to help her sort through clothes.  So, we went in service clothing. Then we were supposed to have a lesson with one of her neighbors, who I will call Kay.  I needed to use the bathroom, and Sister Loftis and I both needed to change back into proselyting clothes. I asked Sister Loftis if Kay's would be an okay place to change and use the bathroom.  Sister Loftis did not think so.  But, we decided to change in Kay's house anyways.  So, we took our clothes (in our backpacks) into Kay's house.  Here I will describe Kay's house: old, falling apart, stained brown and gray/black, lots of cobwebs, burnt bed from cigarettes, more brown marks, little pieces of who knows what on the floor, open boxes and wrappers of food, and more.  So, we changed in Kay's bedroom, but I kept my backpack between my knees so it wouldn't touch the ground. Oh, I forgot to mention that it reeked with cigarette smoke.  Poor Sister Kay also appeared worn down: greasy and matted hair, gray jacket with maybe throw up on the elbow, other spots of something on her jacket, brown and chipped teeth, brown stuff on her fingers (poop?), poop and pee on her pants, untrimmed nails, and a few other things.

Oh, and did I mention that the woman we were sorting clothes for had bedbugs?

After Kay, we went to the car.  And by this time, my bladder was about to burst.  Sister Loftis was going through her bag to find the car keys.  She didn't find them, so she looked in her backpack: nothing. So, she searched in her other bag.  So, I started walking around trying not to wet myself.  We both looked in the car to see if the keys were inside, but that proved futile.  Then, Sister Loftis resumed searching her purse.  Then, I did the unthinkable.  I peed my skirt!

Just kidding, I asked Sister Loftis about the member of the ward that lived across the street.  (Sister Loftis had mentioned her in Kay's house.)  I asked if her bathroom would be nicer than Kay's.  Turns out it was.  The member let us in and let me use her bathroom.  I was mighty close to wetting my skirt though.  The member, Sister Larson, chatted with us for a little bit.  We told her what we had done so far that day.  And explained why we had T-shirts on with our skirts (because we didn't feel comfortable in Kay's house and with the window's open).  Then Sister Larson helped us find our key.  She made Sister Loftis dump out the contents of her bags.  When we didn't find it, we went back to where the car was parked by Kay's apartment.  We traced our steps looking for the key. Then a man asked us what were looking for.  We told him.  Then he yelled to the members of his crew (who were destroying things in the apartment right next to Kay's) that he knew who the key belonged to.  So, they tossed him the key, and we got on our way.

We went to go contact a referral.  As were walking to the apartment, a twitchy, red-haired woman came up to us.  She asked us for money.  We , as politely as we could, declined.  And she continued to ask, but we still declined

Then she let us be.  We got to contact the referral.  It was a family, so the Durham 1st sisters have three new investigators.  We talked mostly  about the Book of Mormon.  We set up a return appointment and left.  When Sister Loftis and I got to the car, Sister Loftis couldn't find the phone.  So, we were once again digging through bags.  We were laughing pretty hard.  The twitchy woman came to us again.  She told us she had heard quite a bit of laughter.  She proceeded to tell us about a woman who feeds homeless people in the park.  Then she asked us for a dollar.  Once again, we declined.  We tried to tell her that as missionaries, we are not allowed to give money.  She told us that she already saw the dollar, so she was trying to convince us that it was our obligation to give it to her since she already saw it.  We just stood there.  Then she stomped her foot and blurted, "Ah hell (pronounced hay-yull), at least I tried!"  She gave us hugs and walked away.  That was disturbing.  We quickly got in the car and drove away.  We parked at Duke gardens to search once more for the phone.  Luckily, it was in Sister Loftis's bag.

We then drove to an assisted living home to help a woman in the ward sort papers. Her name is Sister S.  Sister Loftis was cleaning out a drawer, and I got to put different papers into a binder.  Sister S once gave me an envelope that had literally nothing on it.  It was supposed to be to send in a magazine subscription.  So, I handed it to Sister Loftis secretly, and she secretly threw it away.

Then Sister Loftis pulled out some toe nail clippers that had brown chunks on it.  Brown and orange chunks.  Sister S exclaimed, "Oh give me!  I've been looking for those!"  Then she grabbed them, saw there was something on them, and handed them back to Sister Loftis to throw away.  Sister Loftis promptly disposed of them.  When we were done and walking back to the car, Sister Loftis asked, "What was on those?!"  All I could reply was that there was a lot of yellow and orange and brown stuff in that drawer.

Then we went to our teaching appointment with the Gaskins.  Then we went to our dinner appointment.  We got ice cream!  Then we hurried home because it was time to exchange back.  And that, my friends, is a day in the life of a missionary.

How did you like it?

I am staying in Durham until December, so I'm looking forward to more adventures.  Being on a mission really opens eyes.  I am so glad that I get to share the message of the Restoration and the Atonement.  It will change to world, one little heart at a time.  I know that we all have work to do.  It may go slow sometimes, but it is work.  The Lord gets it done in His time.  Thanks for all of your support.  Keep moving forward.  I also want to say that I am thankful for hard times because it has really helped me find the good things even if they are small.  I am thankful that I know how to laugh.  I think it bugs my companion sometimes that I laugh so much, but I'd rather laugh that be grumpy all the time.  I am thankful for laughs.

Go with God,

Sister Turley

P.S.

This may not be what my story was about, but we do get to do some of this.  We get to do food orders every other Wednesday.  We get to help people get food when they cannot provide for themselves.

Once upon a time, I ate a hot dog.

Dear Family,

What should I write? 

Well, I was a missionary this week.  I got to try to find some people.  I taught at zone conference about not forgetting any ingredients in your cookies. It had to do with being consecrated missionaries.  When we are consecrated, we aren't missing any ingredients. (It was Sister Judd's epiphany.)  I got to watch "Meet the Mormons."  It was fantastic.

And, our investigator, Sara, came to church.

And we dug in the dirt a lot.  We helped people plant stuff a lot.  And, we cleaned people's houses.  We were in pants a lot this week.  Quite a relief.

And, I am still a missionary.  Always will be.

Oh!  I read about Alma the Younger today.  He was a terrible man.  But, he felt God's love.  He also felt awful bitterness.  I am so thankful that I have the Atonement in my life.  Because of Christ, I get to become more than what I am.  I love the Savior.  (My favorite about Alma the Younger is Alma 36.)

Go with God,

Sister Turley

Christmas music heals the soul.

Dear Family,

Most of my past and present companions don't like Christmas music unless it is Christmas.  So, I have't gotten to listen this year.  But, I finally just played some this week.  It was the best.  Let me repeat: it was the best.  I told Sister Judd that I usually start hearing Christmas music in July, so I have had 3 months of deprivation.  (I especially had to turn it on because the weather is becoming Christmas-like. It has been about 65 degrees the last few mornings when I have woken up.)  My companions have told me it gets them too excited for Christmas.  Then I think, Don't you want to be excited for Christmas? It's when we celebrate Christ's birth.  Plus, shouldn't we celebrate His life and birth all the time anyways?  I have to say that Christmas music is so wonderful.

I am so thankful that I got to watch General Conference this weekend.  It was a spiritual uplift that I desperately needed.

To comment on the area, the work, we are really trying hard to find people to teach.  We still have three reliable members that come out with us multiple times a week, but we are doing our best to meet more members and invite them to come with us.

It's almost Christmas!

Go with God,

Sister Turley

Meetings!

Dear Family,

Well, it is officially the start of meeting month.  I decided to buy a bag of jolly ranchers last Monday to help me get through.  Here is the agenda:

September 26 -- Combined Mission Leadership Council

September 27 -- General Women's Meeting

October 1 -- Zone Training

October 4 -- General Conference

October 5 -- General Conference

October 10 -- Zone Conference (and hopefully watching Meet the Mormons)

October 18 -- Stake Conference

October 19 -- Stake Conference

October 31 -- Mission Leadership Council

I don't think I forgot anything, but there is a high probability that I did.  (I forget everything.) 

I threw up this week. . . in the church building.  I felt amazing after it was out of my system.  I did have to wash my clothes in the bathroom sink though.  It was all over me.  Then, I ran down the hall --yes, I ran in the church--to help Sister Judd clean it up.  I was so sad that I messed up the church and that Sister Judd had to clean it up.  So, I tried to help as much as I could.  Then, I knelt to help out and realized I had forgotten to get the mess off of my shoes.  So, I got it on my skirt again.  So, I had to wash up, again.  But, we got it cleared up.  And then we had coordination meeting.  A few days after, we went to the church and could still smell it.  And on Sunday the smell was gone, but the carpet was a little bit lighter in that area.  I ruined the church.  I am quite upset.  I left nastiness in the building.

Other than that, our week was rather uneventful.  I mean, it was Sister Judd's birthday.  Maybe next year will be better.  I feel bad that I was her companion for her birthday.  I am terrible at being a fantastic birthday happy whatever it is that helps someone have a great birthday.  I didn't know what to do. I was going to hang up a sign, but then the people who check our apartments decided to come that day.  So, there wasn't a sign.  And, I am the worst--I didn't get her anything. We went to the first two meetings listed above.  The first was interesting.  I learned a few things that might help our investigator who doesn't believe that Jesus Christ is her Savior.  Then, I learned a lot about covenants and the temple in the Women's Meeting.  We need to be prepared when we enter and make promises to our God.

I hope you are doing well.  I am so thankful to be a missionary, even though I have so much I need to improve on.  I have hope that this week will make me a better missionary.  Diligence: I need to work on this one.  Happy September!

Go with God,

Sister Turley