A Season of Hope and Joy

Today I wanted to share some things that give me hope in this world. This is what has gotten me through life and has helped me through some of my darkest days. Also, it is very fitting to share this because it's about Jesus Christ, and the present day Christmas celebration is about the birth of Jesus Christ.

Christmas Day #4

I want to share with you The Book of Mormon. To request a copy of the Book of Mormon, you can click here.  In the introduction, Joseph Smith is quoted to say, "I told the brethren that the Book of Mormon was the most correct of any book on earth, and the keystone of our religion, and a man would get nearer to God by abiding by its precepts, than by any other book." I have experienced that this book has gotten me closer to God than anything else. 

There are lots of questions about The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. And there are sometimes doubts that come up, but whenever I do doubt or have questions, The Book of Mormon helps me. I believe this book to be true, and all of the rest of the stuff rests upon that.

If you need more hope and joy in your life, this book is for you. Recently, I have talked to a few people that are so depressed about the state of the world. They just want peace. Or hope. Or love. And that all comes from Jesus. This book brings you closer to Jesus.

I know I mentioned a few places helping during natural disasters on the first day when I mentioned American Red Cross and The Salvation Army. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints also has helped in so many ways. We have the helping hands, Bishop's storehouse, service missionaries, giving machines, and more. I have seen so many people helped from this church. People's lives have changed when they have read the Book of Mormon. I'm not joking. I've seen people who are so low and don't know how to get better to having a job and a clean home and a smile on their face. I've also participated in Bishop's storehouse which helps provide food for people in the congregation who might be struggling. Part of my mission was to do service. I helped at hospitals, assisted living centers, people's yards, and a few other places. The church encourages helping others. It's not just limited to this book.

A Christmas Feast

Who likes food? I do. I definitely do. So now we're gonna share some food. I have a few places that I want to share with you guys.

Christmas Day #3

The first place is a food packaging opportunity. Have you ever volunteered at Feed My Starving Children? It's a super fun volunteer project, especially for groups of people. I live in an area that has a permanent location, so they have multiple times you can sign up for each day. They make packing the food into a competition. I have gone with several friends, and we have tried to reach the all-time most packages per number of people. We have never reached it, but it's so fun to try and get the food packaged. We have often been the most boxes per table though during the session. 

The cool thing about Feed My Starving Children is that it feeds people around the globe. Most of the food packed is sent to other countries, but there are a few states in the USA that receive that food. Their food is meant to help people gain and keep weight.

If you're in Arizona, and want a more local way of giving food, I have worked with United Food Bank  (unitedfoodbank.org) several times. You can run a food drive for non-perishable food. I have also helped pack bags of the food, so they are easy to hand out to people in need. The location I have served at a few times is right next to a homeless/mental health shelter.

I also had the opportunity to hand out Thanksgiving dinner items at Valley View Community Food Bank with my then fiance last year. He worked there a ton during his mission. It was good to see the food going to people firsthand instead of just sending food off and never seeing it be placed in the hands of others.

On the Second Day of Christmas

 Hey guys! How is Christmas in July going for ya? If you want another easy way to give, I have a great idea for you. Also, if you like reading, this one's for you.

Christmas Day #2

This is Little Free Library. "Take a Book. Share a Book." I may have a problem where I love getting books. This year, I have gotten more e-books than before (most of them free). I love hard copy books. And I buy them pretty cheap at thriftbooks.com most often. I have a variety of ways of moving books around. I keep lots of books that I really love and may read again. Sometimes I give books to others (sister, stepsister, cousin, etc.) when it was a good book, but I probably won't read it again. I borrow books from my dad's house. I borrow books from my local library. And I also go to Little Free Library locations. Luckily for me, they are several in my area. I take books that I don't want anymore and leave them in the little library. If there is a book that I have been wanting to read or looks interesting to me, I will take it. It's a nice swap.

I had a book just this week that I took to the Little Free Library. I didn't want it anymore, and it is hardcover, so I couldn't donate it to my work. It was a book I would recommend to any of my close family or friends, so I put it in the library. There weren't a lot of books, so I didn't take any this time.

The goal of Little Free Library is to increase access to books and help decrease illiteracy. The reason I like this option is because there isn't a time restraint like a public library. At the public library, I can only check out a book for 3 weeks plus a few renews, and I am such a slow reader. And this gives me a way to get rid of books without having to talk to anyone as well. It's a simple book swap idea. They have an app, so you can find locations near you.

Christmas in July

I'll probably get a lot of flack for this. Actually, I don't know, since I don't have that many people who follow the stuff that I post or care about it if it happens to come across their feed. I missed halfway to Christmas on June 25, so I guess we'll have to celebrate Christmas in July instead. This is also prompted by so much hate that I see on my Instagram feed. I have a variety of people on my Instagram feed: different walks of life, religious beliefs, values, political views, physical and mental abilities, etc. There has been a big stir among my friends. Again. It happens more often than I would like. The people on my feed disagree. But it's not just a disagreement; it's a battle. At least one side, usually both, tries to tear the other side apart and show how stupid the other side is and how immoral the other side is. However, each conflict that emerges is so much more complex than only one side being dumb. But why does it have to be so hateful? Why do we have to be so mean?

Sometimes that arguments (especially the latest) are about how to help people. I've seen so many people get up in arms about how an organization is not perfect. So to be transparent, none of these organizations is perfect, but they are doing more than I could do on my own. In the spirit of giving, since it's Christmas in July, here are some organizations, items, ideas, (or people?) that have brought me hope or joy and help me share the gifts of life and joy to others. 

Without further ado, let's get the party started.

Christmas Day #1

I'm gonna start somewhere easy. At least it's someplace that I give often. Every few months (meaning 8+ weeks between times), I donate blood. I donate through the American Red Cross. If you would like to join me in donating, you can go to redcrossblood.org. I just donated this week and got the shark week t-shirt. For all my Gilbert and Mesa peeps, they just opened a new location in Gilbert, so it's easier to make an appointment without finding a drive. They're open on my days off, so it's super easy.

image from redcrossblood.org

The reason I give blood is because I have had a few family members who have needed transfusions during their stays in hospitals. There is a critical shortage of blood the last few years. I also think that if I can help save life, I will do what I can. This is an easy way for me to continually give the possible gift of life throughout the year. I don't know who gets my blood, but I believe in human life has value. There are many ways to donate. American Red Cross also helps in natural disasters. If you go to smile.amazon.com, you can set an organization for Amazon to donate to when you buy applicable purchases. I have mine set to American Red Cross. Maybe my few cents will help pay for some of the supplies used to collect blood or other supplies used in natural disaster situations. My Basic Life Skills certification also happens to be through American Red Cross. I usually just get that certification through my work, so that happens to be my work's current certification provider.

Obviously there are several ways that they have helped people in need. I am thankful for organizations who help others and myself provide care to other human beings. Like I said before, none of these organizations are perfect, but they do more than I could on my own. If you are thinking of donating blood, I know there is also Vitalant. I just have had a better track record with American Red Cross.  And another organization/church that helps in natural disasters is The Salvation Army. There are several resources that you can do research about to find where you would like to give aid.

How to Live a Hallmark Holiday Movie . . . But Only the Awkward Parts

Guys! I have been working at my job for a year now. This is huge! (Please don't say that in Trump voice.) I haven't been at the same place for a year since 2016. Let me tell ya that it's been an adventure since graduating with my undergraduate degree. Life does not go as expected. I wanted to do something big for this achievement because it has felt like it wouldn't ever happen again. So, here's my story, kind of like a Hallmark Holiday movie, but only the awkward parts. Sorry for any typos in advance. It's basically a novel.

Severely Poor Attempt at a Hallmark Holiday Movie Cover

Holiday #1

This story opens on a single, slightly down on her luck, mid-20s female who recently moved back to her home state and moved in with her dad, stepmom, and some younger siblings. It's the beginning of November in Arizona, so people aren't wearing all the cute winter coats, but they are starting to wear pants instead of shorts.

"Cami, can you pick up the kids from school? I have a previous engagement at that time," Cami's stepmother asked one afternoon.

"Uh, I guess, but I have job interview right after. But, I can probably make it on time," Cami replied hesitantly and with lots of second guessing going on in her brain. It was probably visible on her face that she was unsure if she would actually make it to the interview on time.

"Thanks! There's no way I can be in both places at once."

"Uh, yeah. You're welcome."

Stepmother exited the doorway of the bedroom Cami was sharing with her 15-year-old brother. Cami then bent over her small suitcase to find an outfit that would be at least slightly acceptable for an interview. She steamed the outfit to get out the wrinkles, hurriedly changed, and hopped in the family mini van to go retrieve the high schoolers.

Cami's two brothers were already waiting on the curb and hopped in the car as soon as Cami pulled up.

"How was school today?"

"Mmmm," grunted brother #1.

"Okay," said brother #2.

"Okay," Cami responded. She didn't ask any more questions because she knew that the answers would be similar. The brothers and Cami sat in the car not speaking for a few minutes until younger sister showed up and got in the car. Cami dropped off the younger siblings back at home and zoomed away (well as fast as Cami ever goes, which is usually the speed limit). 

The interview was for an assisted living center. Most of Arizona's Recreation Therapy jobs tend to be with geriatric populations. The interview went well, and Cami was able to answer all of the questions confidently. They had a good chat; however, the employer was hesitant because all of Cami's experience up to this point was in adolescent mental health. Cami didn't end up getting the job or ever even hearing back from the company.

After several job applications, interviews, and rejections, Cami applied for some temporary, holiday jobs because you know, 'tis the season. After being rejected for several of those jobs as well, Cami finally got an interview for a sportswear retail position. During the interview, the interviewer didn't ask many questions and kept giving signs that they were desperate, including stating that they were desperate and still needed several holiday positions filled. Cami then left with a job.

About a week later, Cami started the job on Thanksgiving afternoon. Cami had zero training and was told just to return clothes to their original spot after they were moved or put in the dressing room area. Cami was flustered and was following around a lady who had already tried on seven coats and put the coats in random spots as well as the hangers. It's a good thing Cami likes to play hide and seek with hangers because she got to do a lot of that during the evening. As Cami was rushing around in a flustered, semi-spastic manner, she bumped into a male customer, about 6 foot tall, dark hair, and gorgeous smile.

"I am so sorry," apologized Cami, "I was in such a rush, I didn't see you walk over here."

"That's alright," grinned the handsome man.

Cami gazed into his eyes a few seconds too long. The handsome man just smiled back.

"Oh! Is there anything I can help you find? I can give you information about lots of ski jackets, rain jackets, or fleece items."

"No that's alright. I'm actually just here with a friend who's getting stuff together for a trip he's doing next week. He thought he could get some good deals for Black Friday."

"Yeah, but it's not even Friday yet," Cami responded a little too quickly and a little too judgmentally. Then she added, "I mean, there are lots of deals going on right now. The best deals are on our fleece items today. And tomorrow, we'll have more deals on our ski gear. If you do have any questions, let me or another associate know. We'll help you find what you need."

As Cami walked back to the women's coat area to hang up the miscellaneous scattered coats, she smiled and thought about the man's beautiful deep brown eyes. Little did Cami know, she would see that man again later that week randomly at the park. And then they would start seeing each other a lot, and they would have a wonderful holiday romance.

Just kidding, none of that stuff with the handsome man happened. Cami just ran around super flustered and irritated with the lady who wouldn't stop hiding the hangers. If this was a Hallmark movie, that would be where the guy made his debut. But he didn't. Just some annoying ladies who tried to tell the staff they could use seven discount codes at a time.

When Cami got back home that evening, she trudged up the stairs, into the bedroom, and flopped on the bed. She asked her brother how Thanksgiving evening was.

"Mm," responded brother #1, "How was working?"

"Mm," responded Cami.

Cami changed into PJs and brushed her teeth. She and brother #1 read scriptures silently and separately on their respective beds. Once they were both done reading scriptures and saying prayers, they turned off the light and went to bed. They slept soundly and rose to another day.

In the morning, Cami got up and went to work again for actual Black Friday. It was about the same as the night before, but now she had one shift's experience. Cami continued to work at that job throughout the holiday season. She spent Christmas with her family and played in a Christmas orchestra. The temporary, holiday job ended in January, and Cami got to go live with her sister for a few months. Later that year, she got a job as a Recreation Therapist at a Residential Treatment Center for adolescents.

Holiday #2

Cami had worked at the Residential Treatment Center for about 5-6 months when she stopped by her aunt's house on her way home from work in early November. Cami always loved visiting with family, and Auntie always wanted to feed anyone who came over. Cami and Auntie talked over some burritos and chips and salsa.

"How is work going these days?" asked Auntie.

"It's okay. Today was rough. The cops were already at the facility before I showed up today. It's been getting really bad lately. Usually the cops come sometime while I'm at work, but they were already there before me today. We just don't have the staff power to handle the kids. All the staff are temps from some third party company, and they don't know what they're doing."

"Is there any way you can get more staff? And get them trained quickly?"

"Not really. No one wants to work there because the management is so bad. I want to get a new job. I think I'm going to give myself until January 15 to find a new one."

"Are you still looking to do the same kind of thing?"

"Yeah, I still like working with adolescents and in mental health. It's just this facility is awful. I really want to just start my own business. I would love to create a private practice, where I treat the family as a whole rather than just one or two individuals."

"That would be amazing. I'm sure people would love to come do Recreation Therapy with you and their families. You're so fun and have a way of sharing truths with people in a nonthreatening way." Auntie was always reassuring and liberal with compliments. She has something good to say about everyone.

Cami headed home after the dinner and talk, ready to start applying to jobs again. She hopped on her job application profile and looked at all the saved jobs and job applications from the year before. If only applying to jobs got you money, Cami would have made bank over the last two years. Cami applied to one or two jobs that night and went to bed. She had to get up early for a mandatory meeting for all staff at her job the next morning.

The next morning, she woke up and headed to work, hours before her actual start time. She made it to the mandatory meeting, dreading the long day ahead. A bunch of higher ups were in the meeting. People she had never met but had seen their names on emails to the whole company. The supervisor over this particular facility started the meeting:

"About a year ago, this program was taken in by our parent company to try to save it. We have been working hard over the last year to make positive changes to this program. We've changed schedules and created new positions. We've hired experienced professionals. Today, however, we are sad to say that this program still just isn't cutting it. This program will be closing on the 1st of December and then will be reopened as a different program early next year. We have no need for any of the staff in this program unless you are in a Director position. If you choose to leave before the final day, we ask for notice as quickly as possible. If not, your last day is the 1st of December. HR is here all week for any questions you may have. And we give our best wishes as the holidays approach."

And then the meeting was over. Cami walked to her office with a sense of relief and the realization that this was an easy out. However, this meant she was walking into a holiday season unemployed and struggling to find work. Good thing she had started applying to jobs the night before. This was Cami's chance to start that business that she had been thinking about for a few years. She now had all the time in the world because she wasn't going to have a job in a month. (Which also meant she would no longer have insurance. They don't mention that in Hallmark movies.) Cami had been designing and re-designing her business idea. She was even doing an online Masters program focusing on Recreation Management and how to develop a business plan.

If this was a Hallmark movie, this is the part where Cami would volunteer to help with some big family activity for someone in the community. Some random lady would see that Cami can do great activity planning and implementation and then ask for Cami to do an event for her family, becoming the first customer in Cami's new Family Recreation Therapy business. However, Cami just continued to do her graduate classes and apply to jobs.

Holiday #3

Cami had been working for about 7 months for an adult day center. She was enjoying the less stressful environment due to not working with adolescent mental health. She was not enjoying the more stressful environment due to a virus that had created a pandemic across the globe and the new precautions instituted in the company. The attendance had been increasingly low due to the virus, and the center had closed for about 6 months, during which Cami and the other staff had to do online activities for their seniors and participants with Traumatic Brain Injury. They also had helped with re-painting the center and putting together new tables. At this point (the beginning of November), the center was open again.

Cami was attending to one of the participants.

"You know what we should do with this apple juice?!" exclaimed Participant and then continued with several reassuring nods, "We should let it sit out and make moonshine. I have ingredients that we can add to it to do so. Just give me the word, and I will help make it for everyone."

Cami responded, "We don't make that here. We're not gonna make any of your alcoholic beverages. I don't know what kind of establishment you think this is."

"Okay, we can keep it on the down low, and we have to tell anyone that we're making moonshine," suggested the participant.

"How about you just drink your apple juice? I'm sure that's also a good idea."

"Well, it was worth a shot." Participant went back to eating his lunch, and Cami walked away to go help another participant.

As Cami was walking away, her supervisor pulled her to the side and said, "We have a mandatory meeting for all of the day centers in our company. It's at 3:00, so the last 30 minutes of your shift will be in the meeting. Don't worry about staffing, the nurse and the receptionist will still be in here to take care of everyone. They'll take care of snack and cleaning up."

At 3:00pm, Cami and the rest of the staff (besides the nurse and receptionist) went to the large office for the meeting. At this point, Cami could already guess what was happening. The company had been struggling to continue providing services for their fewer and fewer participants. Cami knew this was the end. The group was told that the center would be closed for real this time with no intention to open it anytime soon. All participants would be going to one central day center, which was not the one Cami was working at, so she was entering another unemployed holiday season. Good thing she always had her job search site handy with saved jobs she might apply to.

Cami faced a few decisions. She had graduated that summer with her Master's degree and with a completed business plan. The hard part about deciding to start your own business is that you need money. And Cami did not have money. And another thing that Hallmark movies don't show when their lovely, blissful protagonists finally get their happy ending is TAXES. Taxes are so hard to figure out for a new sole proprietor business. You have to just guess, and if you guess too high, you don't have money to eat. And if you guess too low, you are penalized. So, it's cool. As Cami thought of her options, she applied to a job that evening. She faced the option of starting her own business for real this time.

A week later, Cami had an interview with the one job that she applied to and got the job. She started the week before Thanksgiving. There was no break between the two jobs. In fact, she had to use three days of PTO from her old job to cover the three days that the center was open, but Cami was in training for her new job.

Holiday #4

That job was as a Recreation Therapist at a mental health hospital. Cami has now been working that job for a year. She enjoys her job. There's a bit of stress with the content of the job; but she is doing well. This year, she did not enter the holiday season unemployed. She didn't get the boy like in the Hallmark movies. And she didn't start her business. But she has a job, so she's happy about that. She did run a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. She got first place for women in her age bracket (19-29). So, she did win a contest of sorts (which is a very Hallmark movie thing to do). She was, however, the only woman in her age bracket (which is the "but only the awkward part"). 

Throughout the four years, of course there were also the awkward parts of family members telling the protagonist what she's doing wrong in dating. Hallmark movies at least get that awkward part right. And that, my friends, is how you live a Hallmark holiday movie, but only the awkward parts. 

If you made it all the way through, I am so sorry and hopefully enjoyed some of it. As a reward, here's another picture that I took while trying to get a good picture for the movie cover. I tried to do my best Hallmark hair curl. I don't do hair, so that's that. I was also really getting into the 90s kid school pictures, so here is my favorite.

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you have a job, or are secure with money and insurance. The Hallmark movies really don't talk about insurance, which has given me grief over the last few years. I hope you have a great holiday season and that you have peace and hope. God is good and takes care of us. If this is a season of trial, my heart goes out to you. Holidays can be hard. If you need someone to talk to, I am an open ear. I love all y'all.

Second Week a Success

This week featured siblings that live in Utah since they came back to Arizona for some holiday cheer. My contestants this week were Sarah and Schuyler. Apparently, we were all a little iffy about how the game went.

Just kidding, we had a great time. We all made some good (and also some bad) jokes. (It was mostly me making the bad jokes. I've got a few insensitive jokes that stay tucked away in my brain for the most part.) We shared stories about making tin foil dinners, scout camp, and girls' camp. Sarah said that if I laughed, then I lost too. I always lose if that is the case. I laugh every few seconds, I'm pretty sure.  Thank you to Sarah and Schuyler for playing my game. It was a good time. Thanks for sitting around the fire with me and chatting about good ol' mission days.

The Redeeming Power of God's Love

 Lately, as I have prayed to God and have received my daily chastenings, I have noticed a common pattern.  And I hope this is a pattern that others find as well. Near the end of my prayers, chats, complaints, grievings, or ponderings with God, I usually ask the question, "What else do I need to know at this time?"  The answer is usually something along the lines of, "I need you to know I love you."

I need you to know I love you.

I don't really know what else to say except that I know that God's love has the power to change people. I would not be the person I am today without knowing that God loves me. Granted I still have much work to do and many things to improve, I would say I have come a long way. And it's possible for everyone. My hope is that all can feel God's love. And my hope is that all can have the desire to change because of God's love.

I know that I'm not the best at helping others feel God's love, and I would like to change. If there is anything I can do to help others, please let me know.  I know people read this blog, but sometimes I feel that it's just pretty words (or lots of times, not so pretty) that just sit around. If you have someone in mind that I can pray for or reach out to, please let me know. I would love to spread God's love as far as I can.

And because it's Christmas time, how great of a time to share this love.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Alma 36:18 "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me"

Alma 36:20 "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold"

"Unto one of the least"

Comeuntochrist.org has some of the best Easter videos that I watch any time of the year.

As I watched this video this morning, I felt an overwhelming need to re-see a situation that I have been put in and have made worse for myself. For years and years and years, I have struggled to forgive someone that came into my life even though I truly did not want them to. I have watched as they hurt people I love, constantly belittle them, and belittle me. I have struggled with forgiveness, what that means, and how I can release unkind feelings for this person. How do I not let this person hurt me and people I love anymore?

"Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me." (Matthew 25:40) The way that I treat this person is as if I am treating Jesus this way. Would I really slander Christ? Would I really ignore or mock Him? How could I do that to my Savior? How could I treat my Savior so poorly and still expect Him to love me and rescue me? I have wronged Him by the way I have treated this person. I should treat the person with love and serve him/her. I should show compassion.

With that said, I don't think we are meant to allow oppressors and abusers to continue to oppress and abuse. We are also "the least," and God would not have us treated as garbage. So what would Jesus do to His oppressors and the abusers of His people? He died for them and invited them to repent. He remained silent when being accused. He healed them. He threw them out of the temple. He commanded them to stay their hand. He rebuked and chastened them. He came to their aid. He called them out for being the hypocrites that they were. He offered them help.

What would Jesus do? Jesus would do a number of things. Today, I would like to offer an invitation. Look around you and see what you are doing for your neighbors. What are you doing well? And what could you improve? How do people feel when around you? Have you asked that to anyone lately? Have you asked anyone around you what you could be doing better? Talk with people and listen. Don't talk at them. Don't tell them what to do. Ask them what you can do. I need this invitation as much as anyone. I know I need to change, and I can do better.

Christ didn't die for us to stay the same.

Your Mom

Last year, I did a survey about Mother's Day.  There were two questions: 1) Do you like Mother's Day? and 2) Why?  Twenty-five people answered my survey, and about 1/3 of people said they did not like Mother's Day, and two people said they were indifferent.  I wanted to share a few insights from that survey.  All answers were anonymous, so I don't even know who wrote what.

Disliking Mother's Day

• "I have a terrible relationship with my mother."

• "My mother passed away when I was six. The day represents loss for me."

• "I feel it's a mockery when my mom is dead, and my stepmom is manipulative and doesn't give a damn about us."

• "Everyone gets so caught up trying to value motherhood as a universal truth for all women. Not everyone will be a mom or wants to be a mom. For that group of women, mother's day sucks."

• "Because I miss my mom. A lot. And the constant reminders that she isn't there kinda really hurt."

• "It makes me sad and feel insecure as a Mother"

Liking Mother's Day

• "It's the day we're encouraged to celebrate the people who are so often the invisible foundations of our lives."

• "My mom is one of my favorite people on this Earth. I appreciate any day that I can shower her with some of the love and presents she deserves."

• "People don't often show appreciation for their mothers and take them for granted."

• "Because moms are the best"

• "Because motherhood is something unique. When you become a mom your world is not the same and you no longer belong to yourself."

• "Motherhood is so selfless and too many people look over how important it is. Even for those who do not have good biological examples of motherhood, there are so many women who help mother us and should also be honored and recognized for that."

Take it as you will.  There was only one thing that I wanted to address that was brought up among someone who likes Mother's Day.  They said that people who have lost children make Mother's Day feel less special when they also want to be celebrated.  I whole-heartedly disagree with this.  If a mother has lost a child, that does not take away any of the work that that mother has given.  That does not erase the fact that she is a mother.

With all that said, I feel that I have grown quite a bit since last Mother's Day.  Last year, I believed that my mother hated me.  And so I had very hard feelings toward my mother last year.  And because she is gone, I cannot ask her.  This year, I don't believe she hated me.  I believe that I was a rough child to have, but I don't think she hated me.  I think as we live life, there are just things that we have to learn and that we eventually can overcome through time and help.  I still am not the greatest fan of Mother's Day, but I'm not as depressed about it this year as I was last year.  I'm still going to have to grow more to be okay with Mother's Day.

I appreciate everyone's honest answers.  I hope you are all doing well.  

Genuine Kindness

I know I'm not the daughter that my mom wished of having.  I'm still a mess.  I'm still the wild child, the daredevil with cuts and bruises, the kid who says inappropriate things and makes jokes at inappropriate times, and the kid who riles her siblings.  However, I would hope that someday I could emulate at least one of my mom's attributes: genuine kindness.  My mom tried to be inclusive of everyone, no matter what they said, what they looked like, or what they believed.  My mom sought out the forgotten and encouraged her children to do the same as well.  My mom reached out to those who needed a little extra help, comfort, or compassion.  And I try to do the same.  I believe that all people are deserving of kindness.  You never know how much someone's life will change because one person believed in them or showed them that they are worth of being loved.

My mom strove for genuine kindness for others and inclusion for all.  I know my mom wasn't perfect, but she was a good person.  Happy Birthday Mom!

P.S. This is literally the only picture I have of my mom and me.  If anyone has digital copies of pictures of my mom that I can have, could you send them to me?  Please and thank you.

My Study Abroad

My bucket list only has one item on in it: travel outside the United States.  I've completed that, so I guess I can die now.

I've been living in New Zealand for a few months.  And since I am still taking my online classes, I sometimes call this my study abroad.  But because I do a lot of babysitting my nephew, my sister calls me her au pair.  Whatever this time is called, I thought some peoples would want to know what it's like.

I came to New Zealand with my dad and friend from Utah.  My sister and her husband have been gracious hosts.  The beach is so close.  And I love beaches.  If you wade in the bay close to their house, there are often crabs scurrying across your feet or away from them.  The last time I saw so many crabs was in my neighbourhood in Wilmington, North Carolina.  And they would be in the gutters after a large rain.

 We live across the street from the marae.  I've been able to attend a powhiri for one of the teams participating in Te Matatini.  They stayed at the marae across the street.  And Te Matatini was awesome, even though we only watched some of it on TV.

One of the classes I was taking while being abroad was a diversity in recreation.  And the class was mainly about race, ethnicity, and the struggles of participating in recreation if a person is not White.  It has been awesome to hear various sides of relationships among different races and cultures and to see differences in how people participate in life.  However, so many times while reading the textbook and thinking about my experiences, I think people are really the same.  We have the same needs and desires.  Some of us are just raised a little differently.

I have had roommates who are Chinese, Indonesian, Belarusian, Argentine, Mexican, Polynesian, Nigerian, Colombian, and more.  We have the same basic needs.  And living in New Zealand, we still have the same needs.  During my class, the chorus of Depeche Mode's "People are People" played over and over in my head.

Now that my study abroad rant is over, I'll share the joys of being an au pair.  I'm not a real au pair; all I do is babysit my nephew for a few hours a day.  I get baby snuggles every day.  What could be better than that?  My sister and I used to joke that I would come live with her and be a stay-at-home aunt while she worked.  That would be awesome, but eventually I'm gonna have to leave this cute baby.  And then I'll have to be a real adult.  Boo.  Guess I'll squeeze in as many snuggles as I can.

The Mutual Game Part 5

Happy Thanksgiving!  Let us all be thankful that my awkward phase is over.  Just joking, my awkward phase will never be over.  However, the awkward picture phase is over on Mutual.  I am putting up new pictures.  And I only have to have these ones up for two weeks, so yay.  The score to beat is 6.  I only have to get six matches within the next two weeks to have gotten the same number of matches as the four weeks of unflattery.  We'll see if all the boys have already down-swiped me.  If I haven't down-swiped them first.  Haha! Just kidding.  I'm just kind of done.

Want to know how I swipe?  I usually am fairly truthful for about two accounts.  And then I get bored and just start swiping down on everyone super quickly.  Obviously this isn't going to work.  Funny story, if you run out of accounts to swipe, you can reset all your down swipes, so it's like you haven't swiped them yet.  I did that once because I apparently swipe down a lot.  So basically boys don't really get an honest answer unless they are the first two.  I hate Mutual.  It's so dumb.  If I ever get married, it's gonna be a miracle.  Honestly, I probably would have to be best friends with a guy for a while and then somehow we both think we should get married.  Except, my best boy friends like girls who aren't me.  So that's fun.

Now that that rant is over here is what you would currently see if you ever ran into my account:

Now, you're probably thinking, "Cami, those pictures are still awful."  Well, sorry.  I can't change my face.  It's just how it's gonna have to be.  I just have a bad face and a bad personality.  (That's really gonna get 'em.  No one can resist that.)  Don't worry, I will have these up for two weeks, and then I'm quitting Mutual.  Because then I'll have found a beau.  Just joking, me getting married means that the end of the world is upon us.  And I'll give you my theory as to why next week.

My Favorite Type of Music is Christmas

In honor of halfway to Christmas, I wanted to share my love of Christmas music with everyone (with a hint of ranting).  My family listens to Christmas music whenever we feel like, whatever day of the year we see fit.  We don't wait for the Christmas "season." All year is our season.

This doesn't make us any less interested in the other holidays of the year.  Take the 4th of July for example.  I love the 4th of July.  I love my beautiful home of The United States of America.  I love that I have the freedom to live here and write my blog with whatever I want on it.  I have USA shirts, socks, and a hat.  I always put my hand to my heart and face the flag when the National Anthem is playing.  I love patriotic songs.  I listen for most of July.  (With a hint of Christmas music here and there.)

Take Thanksgiving for another example.  I play that music every now and then.  There are like three songs.  Maybe if there were more Thanksgiving songs, people wouldn't get so mad at me for playing Christmas songs.  I would totally play Thanksgiving songs.  I was going to write some, and then that didn't happen.

Anyway, back to people being mad at me for playing Christmas music.  Do you know how mad people get when they hear that I listen to Christmas music whenever I want?  So mad.  People get really defensive.  They have to tell me just how wrong it is that I do that.  They tell me I'm not allowed.  They tell me that I'm weird.  They go into their grand arguments about why I can't listen to Christmas music unless it is December.  People have told me, "It makes me too excited for Christmas."  This one is somewhat understandable.  I, too, get excited for Christmas.

But fun, jolly, present opening and Santa seems to be the only thing that people get out of Christmas music.  When I say that I listen to Christmas music all year, I definitely don't mean Jingle Bells, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and all those other weird songs.  I don't even really like those ones too much.  I'm talking about Jesus music.  I listen to Jesus music.  When I say Christmas music, I mean And the Angels Cried, Joy to the World, and others like Angels from the Realms of Glory.

People don't believe me that I like to listen to Jesus music.  Who are they to judge how much I love Jesus?  Yeah, I have been rude to say in reply, "Sorry you don't like Jesus."  That was rude of me to say.  I just get upset when people think they can judge my relationship with Jesus.  It's true that people who love Jesus will be better, nicer people.  And maybe I'm not the nicest, but I love Jesus.  And I'm working on it.

Jesus saved me.  And not just from my sins.  I have been in some really dark places in my life.  And I have thought so many times that my life is not one that is worth being on this earth.  I have been so alone so many times.  I haven't been able to trust people around me for years at a time.  I have felt abandoned and hated.  I have been mocked and bullied.  I have had to take on responsibilities that I was not ready for.  But Jesus saved me.  He told me I was worth living.  He told me that He would carry my burdens.  He told me that He is the Light.  He is the Way.  And He is one of many guardian angels.  Have you ever heard any words sweeter or more filled with hope than the hymn "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"?

And in despair I bowed my head:

"There is no peace on earth," I said,

"For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing, singing, on its way,

The world revolved from night to day,

A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,

Of peace on earth, good will to men!

When people mock my joy of Christmas music, they mock the words that have given me strength.  I don't expect anyone to have the same love of Christmas music that my family and I have, but I just wish they would stop mocking.  I say it sometimes as a joke, so that other people don't have to make it a joke for me; it really is my favorite type of music.

Also in honor of halfway to Christmas, here are some awesome videos.

For They Did Feed Me

Matt 25:35 "For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat"

If the gift to be fed was a spiritual gift, it would definitely be mine.  I wanted to give thanks to all the people who have fed me over the last few years.  I have been blessed with many a roommate that loves cooking.  I have been a grateful beneficiary of this cooking.  Thank you to all my roommates that have been willing to feed me or take me to the homes of your families to have dinner.

I have had family members feed me.  My cousins and siblings that have lived near me have fed me often.  And I have had many large packages come my way from an aunt who is eager to feed anyone.  She loves food and loves to share food.  For this, I have been quite thankful.

I have had concerned Bishops and ward members that have been willing to feed me.  I think I have already shared this, but once upon a time a Bishop of mine would always ask a few boys in the ward and me to finish off food at ward events.  I was well-fed during those days.  I also sometimes go to ward events and am fed.

Lastly, I have been blessed with jobs that give me food.  I get to eat dinner with the kids that I work with.  I have had some good meals because of this.

Thank you everyone for feeding me during my dreary college years.  I much appreciate the good that you have done in my life.

Thanksgiving with the Bro

If anyone in this world has ever thought for a second that I am funny, they should definitely meet my youngest brother.  He is so weird.  I can't help but laugh whenever we are together.

First thing my brother does when I get home is ask for a haircut.  Since I got home so late on this trip, he was already in bed.  Nevertheless, he got out the box of haircutting supplies and had them sitting out for whenever he first saw me.  He refuses to let anyone but his sisters cut his hair.

Our Thanksgiving day started with a Turkey trot (a first for both of us).  I went into his room to wake him up. The conversation went a little something like this:

Cami--Get up.  You can take a nap after the race.

Griffin--No.  Chicken nuggets are food.

He wasn't asleep either; he fully intended to say those words.

Within the past month, my family has also gotten some cats.  My brother messes with those cats all the time.  While I was home, he was making the cat have squinty eyes.  Then he said, "Now it's an Asian cat."  I replied, "It's a Siamese cat; it was already an Asian cat."

Also, here's a great picture of my brother bonding with one of the cats.  Not very good resolution, but it shows the awesomeness of the bonding.

The World's Okayest Dad

I want to tell you about a man who I have thought about quite a bit in the last few weeks.  Maybe this will make up for the fact that I only called him for a few minutes on Fathers' Day and that was it.  I want to tell you about a man who has taught me a few things.  I'm not saying he is the best dad in the world.  In fact this is the mug he has gotten for a few Fathers' Days.

There were a few years that I felt that he wasn't around much: my junior and senior year of high school to be exact.  But, I don't really think you can blame him.  He isn't a bad dad.  I want to tell you about the things that I have learned from this man.

This man calls himself the Dominator.  I gave a little shout out to him in my post about winning a national championship.  I've adopted this need to dominate.  No one actually calls him the Dominator, though he writes it on his cup every time we go to my grandparents' home.  He likes to talk smack during all the games we play.  (Another attribute that I have adopted.)  Yet with all this smack, he can still get people to play games with him.  He knows how to turn everything into a tournament.  Speaking of which, I won the two March Madness bracket competitions that I entered this year.  Domination!

This man loves Christmas.  Let me repeat, loves Christmas.  Loves it.

Every June 25, he has a halfway to Christmas celebration.  He sometimes puts up a tree and puts a gift under for each person in the family.  Often he has a party and desserts.  Which reminds me, that he also likes to have parties.  With close family and friends.  I've learned that there is never a such thing as listening to Christmas music too early.  In fact, it is perfect for lightening the mood and for when one is stressed.  I have adopted this practice as well.

This man has also taught me about enduring to the end.  Once upon a time, this man had a wife.  And then she died.  He didn't give up.  He tried to be a dad that was around more.  Yeah, there were a few rough years that didn't go the way that everyone thought they should.  Yeah, he made mistakes, but everyone does.  Yeah, my dad and I had a terrible relationship.  But we don't anymore.

This man was trying to raise five really weird kids.  We were all going through hard things.  I don't think any of us were seeing eye-to-eye with any of the rest of us.  We all were dealing with things in the best way we know how.

This man taught me that God is the number ONE in our lives.  We can't make it without Him.  He is the bearer of peace.  To quote O Holy Night, "And in His name, all oppression shall cease."  I think my dad understood this a long, long time ago (he's old (kind of (actually, he's probably younger than your dad))).  I am thankful that my dad understands that the world isn't going to get better by rejecting God.  I am thankful that I know that God is the source of peace.

This man taught me that the temple is the House of God.  And by following God, we can enter in this beautiful building and make our families last forever.  He has taught me about the power of God.

So, even though my dad and I are still building a better relationship, I have learned a lot.  And you can probably guess that I am a lot like my dad.  'Cause yes, I think I am a lot like my dad.  The good and the bad.  But hey, we've got God with us.  And that is what will make us awesome.

How to Be a Happy Person

Eat Cookies
I do this quite often.  I luckily have a great roommate who makes cookies.  They make me feel better.  But, it doesn't necessarily have to be cookies.  You can have ice cream or cake.  Or if you like celery, you can eat that too.

Go for a Bike Ride
This one is great for just being outside and exercising, both which make people happier.  I know because I just do it.  This is also open for substitutions.  You can go for a walk or rollerblade or canoe.  Any of those options are great.

Be Quirky

Everyone has their own little quirks.  Embrace yours.  One of mine that I love is that I have a few favorite times of the day.  In the last few weeks, I have been able to take pictures of some of these.

And yes, that is my phone's lock screen.  I obviously don't "adult" like other people.  And, my name is apparently not a real word.  The second one may be a bit blurry, but I promise it is 1:23:45.

Watch Funny Videos

Trust in God

Bonus Guideline: Listen to Christmas Music

I know that lots of people refuse to listen to Christmas music unless it is December.  I am not one of those people.  Christmas music is one of my coping skills.  Whenever I am down, I listen to Christmas music.  It's full of Christ's love.  It's full of hope.  It's full of peace.  And it reminds me that I have a Savior that is always watching over me no matter what.  He knows things.  Humans don't.

Being Cami

Since my birthday is this month, I thought I would just write about who I am--because I am a very interesting person.  I can say that, now that I have more than two people who read my blog.  I have three!

So, here is a list of ten things that you probably already knew about me.  I figure that most of the people who read my blog know who I am and are fairly familiar with my character.

1. I'm a flight risk.  I run away a lot, which really means that I go places without telling people where I am going.  People don't usually notice that I am gone, so it takes away the excitement.  I think my family members are still learning about one of my adventures from a year and a half ago.  (I might have to answer some questions after writing this.)

2. I have an unrelenting desire to be different.  I have this joke (that nobody else thinks is funny) that I am actually hipster because I don't want to be like everyone else. So hipster.  I should wear my mom's vests from the 80's again.  I haven't worn those in a while.

3. I don't consider myself blonde.

4. I'm the awkward child.  You know how there's the genius, the classy one, the controversial child, the engineer, the popular child, etc.  I am none of those.  My siblings are those.  I'm the weird child about whom my parents and siblings just say, "Yeah, she's weird.  We decided to keep her though."  I am predictably unpredictable.  They know I will do weird stuff, but they don't know exactly what that stuff is.

5. I'm what is considered a jack of all trades.  And, I'm seriously a master of none.  In the last year, I have been on a Frisbee team, a  few basketball teams, and a softball team.  I'm not the best, but I have a basic knowledge of how they all work. It's also the reason I have so much stuff that I can't seem to get myself to throw away.  P.S. the picture only shows a very small number of the things that I do/have done.

6. I used to be really bad at answering phones.  Now, I am only mostly bad.

7.  My siblings used to refer to me as the human garbage disposal. There was a period of time when my sisters wouldn't finish all of their dinner, so they would hand their plates to me.  Also, I have eaten a box of pistachio pudding in one sitting.  It was only four servings.  It was during my freshman year of college.  I was known to eat a lot during those days, okay maybe now too.  But, at ward activities, whenever the bishop needed food to be eaten, he would turn to three or four of the boys and to me.

8. I make bird noises.

9. I pretend that I don't cry, but I actually do every few years.

10. I have a large family.  And, my love for them grows every day.  I'm still getting to know half of them because I am from a blended family.  I'm thankful that I am given time to do so.

Journals--A Remembrance of my Oddities

Today marks a special occasion.  I started my 12th journal today!  (Also, my dad and stepmom have been married for 5 years.  Happy Anniversary!)

You read that right: 12.  I have been writing in a journal since I was eight.  However, it took me over a year to write my second entry.  But, I have become more avid in my writing over the years.

I just wanted to say that I am glad that I have kept a lot of journals.  I have been able to read about how I have overcome troubles.  I have read about lots of stupid mistakes and realized that I can change.  I have written about how my faith has increased which helps in time of doubt.  I have also written lots of negative feelings which has been a blessing because it keeps me from saying them to others and hurting them.  I have been able to use my journal to think through problems.  I have been able to write down my adventures.  I have had a lot of adventures.  (This blog has a great history of some of them--mostly from my mission.)

And lastly, I think I am hilarious.  (It's a good thing because I have to live with myself forever.)  I write stupid stuff that cracks me up.  I am so weird that it is impossible for me not to laugh when I am reading some of the things that I have written.  This also includes all of my dreams.  I dream almost every night and remember them.  I like to write my dreams in my journal.  Some of them are just weird.  But, it's great for telling stories.

I know; my 12th journal is awesome.  My sister said it was "high class."  Oh yeah.  Let's just say I have an interesting assortment of journals.  Never leave me alone in the journal aisles of stores.

To read more Journal Epiphanies, click here.

The Dreadful Month of May

May is an interesting month.  It brings Mothers' Day, which we celebrate this weekend.  It also brings the anniversary of my mother's death and a few other important life events in my mom's and her family's lives.  My life has had lots of changes since the May that my mom died.  My family has experienced a lot of changes because of that one May.

Because of that one May, I had a brief experience acting as mother.  And let me tell you, it was hard.  I failed miserably (which is a reason I am afraid to get married and have kids).  I was mean, my siblings didn't listen to me, and I forgot a lot of things.  

Because of that one May, I gained more experience listening and observing.  I watched family members and mentally noted how each reacted.  I found patterns, and I listened to conversations about the patterns that others had found.

Because of that one May, I eventually gained a step family.  I have learned a lot from them.  They have had to deal with my nonsense and bitterness.  We all have had to learn how to adapt and love unconditionally.

Because of that one May, my support group was solidified.  I had many aunts, uncles, and grandparents come to my aid and to the aid of my siblings.  They provided meals for my family.  They helped us go clothes shopping.  They listened to us and tried to teach us life lessons.  (Sorry if you felt I wasn't listening.)

Because of that one May, I learned to turn to God always.  Because people aren't permanent and sometimes don't care, I detached myself from others.  (FYI, that's another reason I am afraid to get married.)  The exception is that I know God is there.  He listens to me and laughs with me when I say stupid stuff in my prayers.  I know that I can receive answers from Him.

Altogether, I don't think that you have to be a biological mom to be the needed help of a child, and you don't always have to be sad about losing a parent.  That might sound completely awful, but losing my mom has forced me to learn new skills (mainly interpersonal).  I may still be a bitter young adult, but I am learning.  I am gaining new skills and attitudes, hopefully for the better.

I probably haven't said thank you enough, so this is an attempt.  Thanks to my dad for being strong.  He lost his wife and dealt with five weird kids.  We were ungrateful and annoying.  Though it's Mothers' Day, my greatest thanks goes to my dad.  Thanks for trying to rebuild a relationship with me.  Thanks to my stepmom, for also putting up with the five weird kids.  Thanks for also putting up with my weird dad.  Thanks to all of my aunts and uncles.  Every one of you has helped tremendously.  Because of you, I have been able to see life in different perspectives.  Thank you to my siblings for not punching me more than once.

And just to end things on an awkward note, a little riddle/joke/verse about May:

April showers,
bring May flowers,
for the brides in June.

What else are May flowers for?

Pilgrims!