"God helps those who help themselves" and other fun quotes

If you didn't already know this, now you do: I work in mental healthcare. Come November, I will have been in this field for 7 years. Usually I am pretty good at keeping work at work and personal life at home. But every now and then, work gets depressing. You can only take so much before the drain. Burnout is real, and with the several plot twists my career has taken, I find myself looking for new jobs and saying, "One of these days, I'm going to be burnt out" (and have to leave mental healthcare). It still hasn't happened yet, but one of these days... In the meantime, here are some things that I learn and experience, especially in decreasing burnout, as a mental health professional.

About a year ago, my congregation at church had a get to know you night, and we all had nametags with a little bit of information about ourselves. Below is mine. (Yes, I stuck it in my journal like a weirdo. Whenever people say, "Paste it in your journal," it might actually end up in my journal.)

The name is pronounced the same as Millie.

Obviously I was being facetious with my answers. My mom would always say, "Are you being a problem solver or a problem causer?" And I totally own being a problem causer. I do it all the time. Though I was being facetious, I do study and work with "the human brain & change." I fully intend to help people and myself change: behaviors, brains, outlook on life, etc. Even as a lowly recreation therapist, I do this every day I go to work. I've learned a lot. And I've provoked change.

At work, I often call myself "the mean therapist" because I do expect people to change, and I ask hard questions. I make people think during my groups, and people don't like what I make them think about. They want to just be told that they are okay, and that the world owes them better. Sure, the world owes a lot of people better. I work with lots of people who have had terrible things done to them, and that's awful. However, if we tell people that they are okay, and that the world is what needs to change, nothing is ever going to change. You know the quote, "Be the change you want to see in the world" that is attributed to Gandhi but is actually not the words he said? Well, the principle is there. You are what changes the world. 

And change hurts. Kid President said, 'A Poem. "Two roads diverged in the woods, and I took the road less traveled... AND IT HURT MAN! ... Not cool Robert Frost!" Guess what! Your brain is made of a bunch of different figurative roads that move information from one place to another. And the ones that we use the most are the easiest for our brains to use. (This is how habits are formed, good or bad.) The ones that are less traveled are not as easy to travel, and so it takes some time to make it easier. Your brain is malleable. You can change your brain. You can make good pathways more of the instinct for your brain than others. But it takes work. And work hurts. Therefore change hurts. Therefore, my therapy hurts. I inspire and encourage change. (Not that I'm an inspiring person, as filling people with awe or wonder or amazement, but I do elicit and evoke thought.)

I'm sure you have heard the saying, "God helps those who help themselves" whether you believe in God or not. As a Christian, and therefore someone who does believe in God, I believe this is a mostly accurate statement. God helps us immensely when we put in work. Not that he never helps those who aren't doing anything for themselves. He may be a strict Parent, but He's not completely devoid of compassion. God ultimately wants our success, and He's gonna help us get there if we are willing to put in the work. So, I improve my life by working hard and asking God for a lot a lot of help. 

As well as working on your own brain, attitudes, and beliefs, service to others improves mental health immensely. I think John F. Kennedy had it right when he said, "Ask not what your country can do for you--ask what you can do for you country." If you haven't read his full inaugural address, it's a good read. Beyond making changes for yourself, you have to help your fellowman. If you only serve yourself, your life isn't reaching it's potential. Most people are happier when they are serving others. Helping other people gives one purpose and increases amounts of the happy chemicals (serotonin, dopamine, oxytocin) in our brains. Our brains are wired to have connection with other people. When the people we are with are happy, we also become a little bit happier. It's just how our brains work.

Unfortunately, we can't help everyone. If we could, a lot of us would. But the news is full of awful things that people do, and it can lead us to feeling helpless. I see so much I cannot change as I work in mental healthcare. I cannot change everyone. And it's something that I have to accept. I have to accept that people have their choice. I have to accept that I have control over a very small part of this world. But I can influence change. I can have hope. And I can do what I can in small ways. I can do my best with what I've got.

To sum it up, these are my three points that help with mental health and reducing burnout.

1. Make changes in your own life and attitude
2. Make positive changes in others' lives
3. Don't get distracted by what you cannot change

It's hard, but it's possible. I promise that my brain is very different from when I started studying about the human brain and change. I have definitely changed my brain. 

And if you want a picture for a visual of how it's all going, here is a picture from my family's 4th of July rocket contest. It's a pretty good visual of how that whole family weekend went as well.

Things might be a little rough (or lot rough) and have taken a nose dive, but tudo bem or it's all good.

How to Live a Hallmark Holiday Movie . . . But Only the Awkward Parts

Guys! I have been working at my job for a year now. This is huge! (Please don't say that in Trump voice.) I haven't been at the same place for a year since 2016. Let me tell ya that it's been an adventure since graduating with my undergraduate degree. Life does not go as expected. I wanted to do something big for this achievement because it has felt like it wouldn't ever happen again. So, here's my story, kind of like a Hallmark Holiday movie, but only the awkward parts. Sorry for any typos in advance. It's basically a novel.

Severely Poor Attempt at a Hallmark Holiday Movie Cover

Holiday #1

This story opens on a single, slightly down on her luck, mid-20s female who recently moved back to her home state and moved in with her dad, stepmom, and some younger siblings. It's the beginning of November in Arizona, so people aren't wearing all the cute winter coats, but they are starting to wear pants instead of shorts.

"Cami, can you pick up the kids from school? I have a previous engagement at that time," Cami's stepmother asked one afternoon.

"Uh, I guess, but I have job interview right after. But, I can probably make it on time," Cami replied hesitantly and with lots of second guessing going on in her brain. It was probably visible on her face that she was unsure if she would actually make it to the interview on time.

"Thanks! There's no way I can be in both places at once."

"Uh, yeah. You're welcome."

Stepmother exited the doorway of the bedroom Cami was sharing with her 15-year-old brother. Cami then bent over her small suitcase to find an outfit that would be at least slightly acceptable for an interview. She steamed the outfit to get out the wrinkles, hurriedly changed, and hopped in the family mini van to go retrieve the high schoolers.

Cami's two brothers were already waiting on the curb and hopped in the car as soon as Cami pulled up.

"How was school today?"

"Mmmm," grunted brother #1.

"Okay," said brother #2.

"Okay," Cami responded. She didn't ask any more questions because she knew that the answers would be similar. The brothers and Cami sat in the car not speaking for a few minutes until younger sister showed up and got in the car. Cami dropped off the younger siblings back at home and zoomed away (well as fast as Cami ever goes, which is usually the speed limit). 

The interview was for an assisted living center. Most of Arizona's Recreation Therapy jobs tend to be with geriatric populations. The interview went well, and Cami was able to answer all of the questions confidently. They had a good chat; however, the employer was hesitant because all of Cami's experience up to this point was in adolescent mental health. Cami didn't end up getting the job or ever even hearing back from the company.

After several job applications, interviews, and rejections, Cami applied for some temporary, holiday jobs because you know, 'tis the season. After being rejected for several of those jobs as well, Cami finally got an interview for a sportswear retail position. During the interview, the interviewer didn't ask many questions and kept giving signs that they were desperate, including stating that they were desperate and still needed several holiday positions filled. Cami then left with a job.

About a week later, Cami started the job on Thanksgiving afternoon. Cami had zero training and was told just to return clothes to their original spot after they were moved or put in the dressing room area. Cami was flustered and was following around a lady who had already tried on seven coats and put the coats in random spots as well as the hangers. It's a good thing Cami likes to play hide and seek with hangers because she got to do a lot of that during the evening. As Cami was rushing around in a flustered, semi-spastic manner, she bumped into a male customer, about 6 foot tall, dark hair, and gorgeous smile.

"I am so sorry," apologized Cami, "I was in such a rush, I didn't see you walk over here."

"That's alright," grinned the handsome man.

Cami gazed into his eyes a few seconds too long. The handsome man just smiled back.

"Oh! Is there anything I can help you find? I can give you information about lots of ski jackets, rain jackets, or fleece items."

"No that's alright. I'm actually just here with a friend who's getting stuff together for a trip he's doing next week. He thought he could get some good deals for Black Friday."

"Yeah, but it's not even Friday yet," Cami responded a little too quickly and a little too judgmentally. Then she added, "I mean, there are lots of deals going on right now. The best deals are on our fleece items today. And tomorrow, we'll have more deals on our ski gear. If you do have any questions, let me or another associate know. We'll help you find what you need."

As Cami walked back to the women's coat area to hang up the miscellaneous scattered coats, she smiled and thought about the man's beautiful deep brown eyes. Little did Cami know, she would see that man again later that week randomly at the park. And then they would start seeing each other a lot, and they would have a wonderful holiday romance.

Just kidding, none of that stuff with the handsome man happened. Cami just ran around super flustered and irritated with the lady who wouldn't stop hiding the hangers. If this was a Hallmark movie, that would be where the guy made his debut. But he didn't. Just some annoying ladies who tried to tell the staff they could use seven discount codes at a time.

When Cami got back home that evening, she trudged up the stairs, into the bedroom, and flopped on the bed. She asked her brother how Thanksgiving evening was.

"Mm," responded brother #1, "How was working?"

"Mm," responded Cami.

Cami changed into PJs and brushed her teeth. She and brother #1 read scriptures silently and separately on their respective beds. Once they were both done reading scriptures and saying prayers, they turned off the light and went to bed. They slept soundly and rose to another day.

In the morning, Cami got up and went to work again for actual Black Friday. It was about the same as the night before, but now she had one shift's experience. Cami continued to work at that job throughout the holiday season. She spent Christmas with her family and played in a Christmas orchestra. The temporary, holiday job ended in January, and Cami got to go live with her sister for a few months. Later that year, she got a job as a Recreation Therapist at a Residential Treatment Center for adolescents.

Holiday #2

Cami had worked at the Residential Treatment Center for about 5-6 months when she stopped by her aunt's house on her way home from work in early November. Cami always loved visiting with family, and Auntie always wanted to feed anyone who came over. Cami and Auntie talked over some burritos and chips and salsa.

"How is work going these days?" asked Auntie.

"It's okay. Today was rough. The cops were already at the facility before I showed up today. It's been getting really bad lately. Usually the cops come sometime while I'm at work, but they were already there before me today. We just don't have the staff power to handle the kids. All the staff are temps from some third party company, and they don't know what they're doing."

"Is there any way you can get more staff? And get them trained quickly?"

"Not really. No one wants to work there because the management is so bad. I want to get a new job. I think I'm going to give myself until January 15 to find a new one."

"Are you still looking to do the same kind of thing?"

"Yeah, I still like working with adolescents and in mental health. It's just this facility is awful. I really want to just start my own business. I would love to create a private practice, where I treat the family as a whole rather than just one or two individuals."

"That would be amazing. I'm sure people would love to come do Recreation Therapy with you and their families. You're so fun and have a way of sharing truths with people in a nonthreatening way." Auntie was always reassuring and liberal with compliments. She has something good to say about everyone.

Cami headed home after the dinner and talk, ready to start applying to jobs again. She hopped on her job application profile and looked at all the saved jobs and job applications from the year before. If only applying to jobs got you money, Cami would have made bank over the last two years. Cami applied to one or two jobs that night and went to bed. She had to get up early for a mandatory meeting for all staff at her job the next morning.

The next morning, she woke up and headed to work, hours before her actual start time. She made it to the mandatory meeting, dreading the long day ahead. A bunch of higher ups were in the meeting. People she had never met but had seen their names on emails to the whole company. The supervisor over this particular facility started the meeting:

"About a year ago, this program was taken in by our parent company to try to save it. We have been working hard over the last year to make positive changes to this program. We've changed schedules and created new positions. We've hired experienced professionals. Today, however, we are sad to say that this program still just isn't cutting it. This program will be closing on the 1st of December and then will be reopened as a different program early next year. We have no need for any of the staff in this program unless you are in a Director position. If you choose to leave before the final day, we ask for notice as quickly as possible. If not, your last day is the 1st of December. HR is here all week for any questions you may have. And we give our best wishes as the holidays approach."

And then the meeting was over. Cami walked to her office with a sense of relief and the realization that this was an easy out. However, this meant she was walking into a holiday season unemployed and struggling to find work. Good thing she had started applying to jobs the night before. This was Cami's chance to start that business that she had been thinking about for a few years. She now had all the time in the world because she wasn't going to have a job in a month. (Which also meant she would no longer have insurance. They don't mention that in Hallmark movies.) Cami had been designing and re-designing her business idea. She was even doing an online Masters program focusing on Recreation Management and how to develop a business plan.

If this was a Hallmark movie, this is the part where Cami would volunteer to help with some big family activity for someone in the community. Some random lady would see that Cami can do great activity planning and implementation and then ask for Cami to do an event for her family, becoming the first customer in Cami's new Family Recreation Therapy business. However, Cami just continued to do her graduate classes and apply to jobs.

Holiday #3

Cami had been working for about 7 months for an adult day center. She was enjoying the less stressful environment due to not working with adolescent mental health. She was not enjoying the more stressful environment due to a virus that had created a pandemic across the globe and the new precautions instituted in the company. The attendance had been increasingly low due to the virus, and the center had closed for about 6 months, during which Cami and the other staff had to do online activities for their seniors and participants with Traumatic Brain Injury. They also had helped with re-painting the center and putting together new tables. At this point (the beginning of November), the center was open again.

Cami was attending to one of the participants.

"You know what we should do with this apple juice?!" exclaimed Participant and then continued with several reassuring nods, "We should let it sit out and make moonshine. I have ingredients that we can add to it to do so. Just give me the word, and I will help make it for everyone."

Cami responded, "We don't make that here. We're not gonna make any of your alcoholic beverages. I don't know what kind of establishment you think this is."

"Okay, we can keep it on the down low, and we have to tell anyone that we're making moonshine," suggested the participant.

"How about you just drink your apple juice? I'm sure that's also a good idea."

"Well, it was worth a shot." Participant went back to eating his lunch, and Cami walked away to go help another participant.

As Cami was walking away, her supervisor pulled her to the side and said, "We have a mandatory meeting for all of the day centers in our company. It's at 3:00, so the last 30 minutes of your shift will be in the meeting. Don't worry about staffing, the nurse and the receptionist will still be in here to take care of everyone. They'll take care of snack and cleaning up."

At 3:00pm, Cami and the rest of the staff (besides the nurse and receptionist) went to the large office for the meeting. At this point, Cami could already guess what was happening. The company had been struggling to continue providing services for their fewer and fewer participants. Cami knew this was the end. The group was told that the center would be closed for real this time with no intention to open it anytime soon. All participants would be going to one central day center, which was not the one Cami was working at, so she was entering another unemployed holiday season. Good thing she always had her job search site handy with saved jobs she might apply to.

Cami faced a few decisions. She had graduated that summer with her Master's degree and with a completed business plan. The hard part about deciding to start your own business is that you need money. And Cami did not have money. And another thing that Hallmark movies don't show when their lovely, blissful protagonists finally get their happy ending is TAXES. Taxes are so hard to figure out for a new sole proprietor business. You have to just guess, and if you guess too high, you don't have money to eat. And if you guess too low, you are penalized. So, it's cool. As Cami thought of her options, she applied to a job that evening. She faced the option of starting her own business for real this time.

A week later, Cami had an interview with the one job that she applied to and got the job. She started the week before Thanksgiving. There was no break between the two jobs. In fact, she had to use three days of PTO from her old job to cover the three days that the center was open, but Cami was in training for her new job.

Holiday #4

That job was as a Recreation Therapist at a mental health hospital. Cami has now been working that job for a year. She enjoys her job. There's a bit of stress with the content of the job; but she is doing well. This year, she did not enter the holiday season unemployed. She didn't get the boy like in the Hallmark movies. And she didn't start her business. But she has a job, so she's happy about that. She did run a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. She got first place for women in her age bracket (19-29). So, she did win a contest of sorts (which is a very Hallmark movie thing to do). She was, however, the only woman in her age bracket (which is the "but only the awkward part"). 

Throughout the four years, of course there were also the awkward parts of family members telling the protagonist what she's doing wrong in dating. Hallmark movies at least get that awkward part right. And that, my friends, is how you live a Hallmark holiday movie, but only the awkward parts. 

If you made it all the way through, I am so sorry and hopefully enjoyed some of it. As a reward, here's another picture that I took while trying to get a good picture for the movie cover. I tried to do my best Hallmark hair curl. I don't do hair, so that's that. I was also really getting into the 90s kid school pictures, so here is my favorite.

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you have a job, or are secure with money and insurance. The Hallmark movies really don't talk about insurance, which has given me grief over the last few years. I hope you have a great holiday season and that you have peace and hope. God is good and takes care of us. If this is a season of trial, my heart goes out to you. Holidays can be hard. If you need someone to talk to, I am an open ear. I love all y'all.

Making Happiness

I needed more milk this week, so I went to one of the neighborhood grocery stores near my home.  I couldn't help but chuckle as I walked past all the rows of empty shelves.  I thought it was so funny to see the product of mass hysteria, mostly because I just wonder why people are so scared.  And by saying this I feel like I give off a type of persona best put in this meme from long ago.

I sometimes think this meme is used to describe me at other times anyway; I can have a very dark sense of humor.  I apologize if it puts anyone on edge whenever they are around me.  I haven't done anything terribly awful.  And in good news, it's been a few years since I have punched someone besides my brother.

Now that I have gone on my first tangent, I will return to chuckling at empty shelves (and trying to keep it silent, so people around me don't think I am out of my mind).  Also, I know that it really is of concern that there are supplies that people need that they cannot get.  With that said, I'm not treating this whole Coronavirus thing as a joke, but I'm also not letting it get me down. 

I have been asked several times in my life how I can be so happy when bad or unfortunate stuff has happened to me or how I can have so much faith.  And as I reflect on how I can joke about things so much and find random things amusing or still be so happy when it seems the world is breaking down, I have come to find that there are two things that I truly rely on: a personal relationship with God and making my life as I want it.

A Personal Relationship with God

I know a lot of you know this, but I just thought I would share my experience again.  In 2009, when I was 15, my mom died.  It was very sudden.  She was checked into a hospital and diagnosed with Leukemia, and then a week and two days later, she was gone.  Between then and age 19, I learned to have a very good relationship with God.  Though I had so much family, church members, friends, and neighbors around me trying to support me, there was a lot of stuff that was said that was not comforting and even detrimental to an already hurting spirit.  I relied only on God for any self-worth and understanding to what I was going through.  I talked to God more than I talked to any other person.  As I talked to God, He talked to me too.  My self-esteem grew, and I came to know my worth.  I learned that God talks to us a lot more than we might think He does.  He knows infinitely more than we do, and guess what, it's gonna be okay.  We're gonna live.  And if we don't, then we're gonna be back with God, which is okay.  So it's all okay.  God knows what He is doing, believe it or not.

Provo, Utah (or birthday cake) Temple

Making My Own Life

I have always been an adventurous kid.  And I hate being another cliche; I must be my own person, or else what is the point.  Throughout my time as an undergraduate student, I had to take a few classes that involved positive psychology.  And I learned that our happiness is supposedly 50% genetic, 10% our circumstances, and 40% our choice.  So, this means that we determine almost half of our happiness.  We get to choose whether or not we are going to be happy.  But here's the great part: I don't know if these stats are true, so it might be more.  And, there's this other theory of epigenetics, which means that our environment and choices can turn on and off various aspects of our genetic code.  So that means that we can still do stuff to affect our 50% of genetic happiness.  Basically, we can decide to be happy.  Now, I'm not saying there is no such thing as depression and anxiety.  There is definitely that, but I think that we can make choices that will affect how much those illnesses wreak havoc on our minds and bodies.

I choose to see life as an adventure and a series of opportunities that we can take.  I would love to experience many of the things that life has to offer, and I choose to see my life as opportunities that have already been given and taken.  How many people have the experience of losing a loved one on their bucket list?  Probably no one, or at least not many.  That's a sad thing, but having experienced it, I am grateful for all of life's possible experiences.  I've been on many adventures, and I intend to keep going.  And that's why I laugh and cry and find happiness and create happiness.  I choose to make my life, instead of fearing it.  I still fear some things, but it doesn't always hold me back.  I like doing things that I am afraid of (for the most part).  I think it makes me look cool.

Doing Something that Terrifies Me

Life is what you make it.  I choose to laugh in times that are hard.  Laughing also has a higher chance of making someone else laugh than being a Debby Downer.  So you might just lighten someone else's load along the way.

How To Make Bad Life Decisions

If you are one of those people that thinks (often), "I don't know what I'm doing," you're definitely not alone.  I never know what I'm doing.  And that means that my life is always a mess.  I go from one place to another and make bad life decisions all along the way.  For example, I changed the layout/theme of my blog.  And I hate it, but it has things on it that I like better than the other themes.  And because I don't remember all the stuff from learning HTML, I can't really just make my own theme.  Because I don't know what I'm doing.

Anyway, a lot of people have been asking how I am doing and how my new job is.  So I am writing this to let everyone know that I make bad life decisions.

How To Make Bad Life Decisions

1. Decide to move to a different state

First, I have been trying to move out of Utah since I got there.  I don't like Provo.  I'm not good at Provo life.  I don't belong in that bubble.  Also, my winter depression has gotten increasingly worse.  This was a bad year for me.  So, I moved home.  

I am currently rooming with my 15-year-old brother.  (Who I'm pretty sure has some parts of life more figured out than I do, but definitely not all.)  I have a suitcase and 20 hangers in his closet.  And the rest of my stuff from my apartment is now in the garage.  So, I'm totally mooching off my dad.  Sorry Dad.

2. Quit all jobs

Obviously, I had to leave my job in Utah because I moved to Arizona.  I did really well at applying for jobs while I was still in Utah and even set up a few interviews.  I was offered two jobs.  And then I turned both of them down.  Because I make bad life decisions.  Stupidly, the first was stressing me out, and I acted out of anxiety and stress.  The second was on weekends and evenings, and because I thought that I maybe needed a social life to have good mental health, I turned it down.  I turned down two jobs because of my dumb mental health.  I guess it's a real thing.

3. Get in an accident while moving

For two weeks before I even moved down to Arizona, I had tried/wanted to cry at least every other day.  (I decided to quit my job two weeks after my apartment contract ended, so I was living on people's couches.  Thanks Cherise, Sarah, Emma, and Hannah.)  The best way I have ever found to make myself cry is to have car troubles.  So, by some fluke thing, I don't even know, I ended up crashing my car.  I promise that I am not a bad driver.  And I should have had time to stop.  It probably had something to do with the unusual amount of weight being contained due to moving all my useless belongings.

I did really well not to cry until all my paperwork was processed by the police and a tow truck called.  And then my body finally let me cry.  But this also meant that I didn't have a car to use for a while.

4. Start taking classes

If you make really bad life decisions, you know how to make high expense purchases while making no money.  I started my online Masters program the week before I moved to Arizona.  So, I was doing homework in random parks between work and going to bum on couches.  Yeah, I could have just stayed in my office at work, I guess.  That's beside the point.  The point is that taking classes means I have tuition, and that is kinda price-y.

5. Buy your sister's car

After I had told my work I was leaving, but before I had left, my sister and I had worked out a deal to buy her car.  In cash.  If I hadn't already been making bad life decisions, this one was great.  My sister was moving out of the country, and I wanted a car.  That was my own.  And then I could stop mooching off my dad (ha, what a joke).  I guess this one was a blessing when the car I have been using stopped working (refer to picture in #3).

So Why, Cami?  Just Why?

Well, I don't know.  I used to be such a logical person.  But then I started living.  Everyone's gotta make bad decisions at some point.  So, I'm sorry to everyone that I left in Utah.  I'm sorry to the people who have to take care of me in Arizona.  Sorry to all the people in North Carolina that I don't know how to help because of Florence.  I'm sorry for not knowing how to answer anyone's questions about my new job because I feel like a failure.  I'm sorry if I have lied or stretched the truth.  I'm sorry for being dumb.  I'm sorry for being a disappointment.  And I'm sorry to myself, who is going to read this in six months, when I'm doing just fine, and think, "What a whiney baby."  #firstworldproblems #stupidmillenial

But hey! Now I can go on adventures and try to make better decisions!  My life can get better from here.  I am trying.  Even if there is no such thing as trying.  I am putting in effort that currently isn't giving me any results.  So take this as you will.  Cami is dumb? Cami sure knows how to have an adventurous life?  Cami is never going anywhere in life?  Cami's gonna be a great author someday?  You choose.  It's gonna be an interesting next 70-ish years for me.

Something that I heard once was, "I exist, and I can be better."  What a statement.  It fits.

How to Be a Bad Roommate

Tonight I came home to this.

An empty, open soap bottle.  Now what would you think if you're roommate left this?  Maybe you have bad thoughts running through your head.  Maybe you don't. I don't know.  But I was instantly glad that my roommate hadn't gotten home yet because this was my fault.  But then, there was a lot that went into leaving this bottle here.  It wasn't just me being lazy.  If you want a long story to read, here is the process of how I refilled the soap bottle.

First, I opened the bottle, so I could use a little bit of soap to wash my hands.  I dried my hands on my towel and then opened the cupboard underneath the sink to find the refill bottle.  I saw that there was a little bit left and thought that I should put that on my grocery list, but where was my phone?  So, I went into my bedroom to find my phone.  And I pulled up my grocery list.  I saw that "muffin tin" was still on there and deleted because I didn't need that anymore.  But, I did need some cereal and milk.  Oh shoot, I should go to the store, so I can get food, so I don't starve tomorrow.  So, I hopped in the car and decided to go pick up my bike from my step sister's place before getting food because then I just have to make one trip around town.  So, I got my bike.  And then I went to the grocery store.  I saw a coworker there that I don't interact with much because we never are in the same place at the same time.  And then, I got my groceries.  I drove home and, lo and behold, the coworker lives in the same apartment complex as me.  So, I took my groceries in and laughed to myself about how random the encounters with my coworker had been.  And after putting my groceries away, I went back outside to get my bike out of my trunk and put it at the bike rack.  Then my friends saw me and asked me if I wanted a ride to Institute, so I said yeah and went to Institute for an hour.  And I ate dinner at the church building with my friends.  When I got home, there was something that I was wanting to look up on Instagram.  And so I sat on the couch and looked at Instagram pictures and saw a study on sleep and was starting to read it, but my internet is slow and wouldn't load, so I thought that maybe I should just go to sleep.  I started getting ready for bed and went to brush my teeth.  I found myself, once again, at the sink and realizing that I had forgotten to write soap on my grocery list and to buy it from the store.  And I had forgotten to ever refill the soap bottle.  I finally filled the bottle of soap.

Moral of the story: Your bad roommate might not be lazy or intentionally leaving all the dirty work to you.  He/she may just not know how to remember anything.

Also, fun fact, my aunt told me this weekend that I take forever to tell stories.  It's probably because the simplest act of filling up a soap bottle takes three and a half hours, so my stories just go along with how long the events took place.

Fun fact #2 You know how I said in the story that I should probably go to sleep?  I just spent another half an hour typing up this story.  Why?  I don't know this story was necessary for my blog.  But sometimes my brain says that maybe I should do something, and then I lose track of what I actually should be doing.

How to be Extremely Plain

1. Don't Improve Your Talents
On Sunday, while at work, one of the boys asked me what one fact was the most important for people to know.  I told him that I was mean.  Then he told me that it had to be positive.  He dived into an interrogation that left me remembering that I am just some boring, little life form that has somehow existed for the last 20-something years.  He asked me if I was athletic.  Nope, not that. He asked me if I was smart.  Not that either.  He asked me if I was musical.  Well, kind of, but if you think about the musical capacities of all the people in the world, I would be pretty low on the musical talent.

2. Don't Go Anywhere
Pretend you are going to go somewhere and then don't.  Want to know how many travel plans that I have made and never actually gone anywhere?  Lots.  All the time.  In fact, that's pretty much what I did all of yesterday and today.  Just stay stuck in a little, old college town that drives you crazy.  That's a real good way to stay plain.

Notice the gold stars.  I was gonna go on a trip, and it never happened.  (Actually, I have been to Vegas quite a bit.  Call me a sinner, but I love them card games.  The card games like "Uno" that I played with my cousins when they lived there.)


3. Just be Plain-looking
All my siblings tell me to wear makeup, so I can get married someday.  I gave up a long time ago.  I think I gave up before I ever started going on dates.  Apparently people have to be attractive to be married, so I gave up.  Now before you start telling me, "Cami, how can you think that?  You are attractive" or "Cami, you are so cute," just understand that I am more likely to agree with all the people saying, "With that attitude, you aren't going to get married."  Also, something you should know is that I don't think I am pretty, but I don't think I'm ugly either.  I am merely plain.  There is nothing about my appearance that says, "Woah."  I look like a human.  Wonderful.  I don't make any of the other girls envious, so they feel comfortable talking to me.  I don't make the boys nervous, so they feel comfortable talking to me.  So, really it is kind of nice to look plain.

4. Deny Anything You Do that Could Seem Interesting
It's actually quite easy.  Just say no whenever anyone asks you if you do anything?  Another phrase I use to answer questions is, "It doesn't matter." Now this could have a few different results.  People could become intrigued that you won't tell them anything and think you are cooler than you actually are.  People can also just realize that you have nothing of importance to share and move on.

So, I hope this was helpful.  More likely than not, it wasn't.  My instructions are vague and uninteresting, so good luck with trying to be plain.  Hope it works out for ya.

How to Be the Ward Joke: A Tale of Strange Popularity

I was talking to my sister about my experiences within the last year in my ward.  It was as I was relating my mildly funny tales that she turned to me and said, "Cami, you're the ward joke."  I realized that she was correct.  So, without further ado, here is the story of how I became the ward joke.

Becoming the Ward Joke

I moved into the ward last August.  I was working every Sunday on an alternating morning/evening shift schedule.  Therefore, I was a term used in the church known as "less active."  This itself became a joke.  I don't know why; it just did.  The people that I would do stuff with would joke about me being less active.  I think it had to do with the fact that I went to church when I could and actively brought up gospel topics.  It probably didn't help that I joked right along with them.  I had friends who would always joke that they invited me to game nights so I would be active again.

Come January, things really got weird.  My friends said that they were going to find someone for me to start dating.  This is the phrase used a lot by all the creepers who go to church: "Flirt to convert."  (My friends are creepers.)  I went on a few dates with some boys in the ward.  Surprise!--I've been on dates.  This is where a little fact about my ward comes in handy: everyone knows everything about everyone else.  Except me.  I tend to be a little behind and find out what happened about three months later.  But that's another story.  Just joking, it's not, I just don't talk to people.  Everyone knows everything about me though.  That's when my friends said that I really was converting from flirting.  (I actually just was able to go to church more because I changed jobs.)  So, I stopped going to church.

Actually, I didn't stop going to church.  I just took a much needed break from dating.  I don't know how some of those weird Mormon kids go on a date each week.  Dating stresses me out.  It's scary.  Anyway, I thus started my reputation as a heart breaker.  I don't think I actually broke anyone's heart, but it's now one of the jokes about me that some of my ward friends have.  So, I am now the less active that breaks hearts but needs someone to "flirt to convert" me.  I am a joke.  But, that's not it.  The next one is the true joke.  It's also the best.

In June, my ward had a kickball tournament.  I asked a group of people to be on my team.  I hadn't set a team name, so I just signed myself up as Cami's team.  Unbeknownst to me, the other people in my group signed up with Cami's team and Team Cami.  Therefore, my team was just Team Cami.  My team members said that we needed shirts and catch phrases.  They started calling me Coach Cam.

Missing 5/8 of the team, but we got some representation

We ended up winning the tournament because of my excellent coaching skills.  Actually, we were the only team that showed up to the finals.  We only played one game that month, and we lost it.  Good times.  At least you could say my team was dedicated.  They came to all the games and all the practices.

The next month, my ward started a tennis tournament--doubles. So, we had team names again.  Some of my kickball teammates named their teams after me.  There was a Team Cami and The OG Team Cami.  I was on neither of these teams.  My teammate and I named our team after my teammate.  I got texts to come play tennis when people didn't look at the players on the team.  They just saw my name and thought I was on the team.  This is what my sister meant about me being the ward joke.

Perpetuating the Ward Joke

Once upon a time, there was this really indecisive girl who made bad decisions.  She decided to move back to Arizona after finishing her undergraduate degree.  She told everyone she was moving.  She thought that if she told everyone and made plans to do so and applied to a bunch of jobs, it would happen.  So, she left.  After many weeks of thinking and debating with herself, she decided while she was gone that she was maybe better off in Utah.  At least for a little while.  So, some weird stuff happened, blah blah, something else happened.  Anyway, when she got back, the first person to see her moving in was her nemesis.  And he had to make it known to the entire ward that she was back.  The girl did grieve.

As of now, that girl still hasn't been to that ward for a month.  Is she really still in that ward?  Stay tuned to find out.

How to Be a Happy Person

Eat Cookies
I do this quite often.  I luckily have a great roommate who makes cookies.  They make me feel better.  But, it doesn't necessarily have to be cookies.  You can have ice cream or cake.  Or if you like celery, you can eat that too.

Go for a Bike Ride
This one is great for just being outside and exercising, both which make people happier.  I know because I just do it.  This is also open for substitutions.  You can go for a walk or rollerblade or canoe.  Any of those options are great.

Be Quirky

Everyone has their own little quirks.  Embrace yours.  One of mine that I love is that I have a few favorite times of the day.  In the last few weeks, I have been able to take pictures of some of these.

And yes, that is my phone's lock screen.  I obviously don't "adult" like other people.  And, my name is apparently not a real word.  The second one may be a bit blurry, but I promise it is 1:23:45.

Watch Funny Videos

Trust in God

Bonus Guideline: Listen to Christmas Music

I know that lots of people refuse to listen to Christmas music unless it is December.  I am not one of those people.  Christmas music is one of my coping skills.  Whenever I am down, I listen to Christmas music.  It's full of Christ's love.  It's full of hope.  It's full of peace.  And it reminds me that I have a Savior that is always watching over me no matter what.  He knows things.  Humans don't.

How to Look Like You Can't do Anything

Yes, here is another how to that is pretty much useless.  However, these how to lists are used quite often in my life.  Lots of statements about others may be overly generalized, but here is

How to Look Like You Can't do Anything

1. Be Quiet
When you are quiet, people can't really tell anything about you.  They think you are shy and most likely weak.   They assume that you can't do much.  They'll try to take charge of you because you obviously can't be the leader.

Once, I had a peer tell me that she doesn't trust people who are quiet, so she couldn't trust me.  So, she tried to get me to talk about myself and "open up" to her.  Let's just say something distracted us, and I didn't end up answering her questions.

The truth:
As someone who doesn't automatically speak up, I have the opportunity to observe people.  I am an observer.  I watch the ridiculously stupid things that other people do, and then I don't do those things.  I watch the amazingly smart things people do and try to obtain that intelligence.  Being quiet sometimes helps me better to actually do things.  I just don't do them right away, in order to make a better plan.

2. Never Give Up
When you struggle, people don't think that you are competent.  When you take a long time to complete a task, people start to wonder why you are even trying.  They want you to give up and let them help you because they already know that they are more competent than you.

The truth:
I work on my bike a lot.  I do all of my own repairs.  Which is why my hands often look like this:

Actually, I took this picture because that was the least amount of black that I had on my hand this week.  I had permanently black hands all week.

Once upon a time, I had to replace my crank set.  After replacing my crank set, my left gears (1, 2, 3) would only work on 1 and 2.  So, I needed to fix my bike.  I took my bike on campus to a fix-it station.  I worked for a while and was struggling with keeping the wire at the right length while tightening screws.  After a while, a girl who had been observing me asked me if she could help.  I guess my fixing was not to her standards.  I told her what I was doing, and then she didn't even know anything about bikes!  When it comes to bikes, I probably know a lot more than the average person.

My gears only work on 2 and 3 now, but I like those ones better than 1.

3. Be a Girl
When you are a girl, there are obviously lots of things that you can't do.   As a girl, I shouldn't be able to be the fixer of things.  I'm not supposed to know how to put things together unless it is arts and crafts (which by the way, I actually can't do those).  Less sarcastically, there really are differences between men and women.  We aren't the same.  Men and women are meant to be different, but let's not make a big deal out of it.  Okay?  That sounds wonderful.

The truth:
Once again, I was fixing my bike this week along with a bike at work.  For my bike, a man came up to me and said that he just saw me with an upside down bike, so he thought I needed help.  My reply, "Just putting my tire back on."  For the bike at work, the chain fell off when a girl wrecked.  A man was riding next to us, and I said, "Oh, I can fix that."  The man asked, "You sure?"  Seriously, how hard is putting a chain back on? Is there some special way to do it?  I just put it back on, no tricks.

Also, I'm not sure my brother wants me to say this, but I'm going to anyway.  When we were younger, we would sometimes walk to and from activities in the evening.  When we would walk home in the dark, he would tell me that if someone tried to mug us, I would be the one to beat them up.  And I knew it was true.

4. Don't Have an Athletic Build
When you aren't stick thin or steroidly muscular, people think you don't do sports.  People believe that you aren't proficient in a sport because you don't have the build that is typical of a sport.  If you aren't a stick, they don't think you run.  If you aren't muscular, they don't think you have power.

The truth:
I am able to play lots of sports.  I am not the best in any particular sport, but I do have the ability to play many.  I have had people lose games to me just because they thought I couldn't do it.  But, obviously I am beast.  I dominate.  Okay, not really, but I have sufficient knowledge and power to play most games.

Remember this picture from a few months ago?  I promise I can do a lot.

Don't underestimate people.  People are capable of pretty much anything that they put their minds to.  They just have to put their minds to it.  I know lots of people that decide that they can't do things, so they can't.  I have been one of those people.  Still am sometimes.  But, what you decide doesn't determine what others can do.  Be pleasantly surprised when people do things.  It's awesome to see what we can do.  God made our bodies and minds to accomplish everything that we need to.  Let's use them to do so.

How to be Super Single at BYU: A Self-Help Guide for Practically No One

In the past semester, I have had lots of random thoughts that I think are hilarious.  Others may not think that they are funny, but I do.  I just thought I should share some with you in the form of a "How To..."  My random thoughts are in italics.  Have fun.

Becoming Super Single

1. Realize Your Potential
You may start out with thoughts that you may want to date and find a future spouse.  But, let's not get too hasty.  Remember that your worth does not depend on your relationship status.  Remember that there are so many great things that you can do.  There are many things that you can be.  You have the ability to create or lose relationships.

One day a boy will think, "Hey, this girl might be fun to be around."  And then he'll ask me out, and I'll decimate that belief.  I think I already did that once.

There is a lot of power in showing people how "fun" you can be.

2. Remember Who You Are
After you realize your potential, live up to it.  Whenever a temptation pops into your head, remember the progress that you have made.  Remember what you have decided to be.

The other day, a boy had a picture quote on his Facebook that sad boys like it when girls sometimes text first.  I wanted to text him just because of that post.  But he would probably think, "Uh! Not this girl."  Be careful what you wish for.

3. Dress Modestly
This step may seem a bit confusing because people are told to be modest even if they do want to be in a relationship.  But, you need to go the extra mile.  This step is especially for girls.  You need to wear clothes that don't hug your curves.  I'll give an example, with this picture.

Oh hey, that kid has the same shirt as me.  Oh, wait.

If you thought the person on the left was a boy, you are wrong.  That is me.  And, I am definitely a girl.  So, dress like a boy.  This is definitely one way to not get asked on dates.  If they don't know what gender you are, they won't bother.

**The other girls look like girls.  Maybe you still thought that I looked like a girl.  I don't know.

4. Be Grateful
There will be people all around you that have boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, or engagees.  They will talk to each other about them.  These people are showing gratitude for what they have.  Although they may be in a different relationship status than is desired, you can still learn from them.  I was able to do this the other day as I was sitting in class.

When classmates open their computers and have pictures with significant others as their home screens, I just think, "I've got poptarts!"

Gratitude will help you come closer to your goal of super singleness.

5. Spend time with Family
Your family right now is all that you need. No matter what other BYU students say, you don't really have to have another relationship.  Family is so great that you should spend lots of time with them.  And then, post pictures together on social media.

Also, if it is your sibling that is the opposite gender, you should especially post those.  But don't tag your sibling or mention anything sibling related. People might think that you are in a relationship and will leave you alone.  I mean, people who want to be in relationship with you will leave you alone.  People who want a wedding announcement will not.

6. Work Hard

Go to school and work to pay for school.  These two things can take so much of your time that you won't have time to develop a relationship (or find any friends for that matter).

I don't have time for friends.  I don't even have enough time to do my homework.

As you stay busy, you relationship status will surely stay at the single mark.

Staying Super Single

Eventually, you will come to a point where dating seems a foreign idea.  You will hear a conversation from the table next to yours about how one of the girls is having a hard time deciding what to do because she went on four dates last week, each a different boy.

People go on multiple dates per week?  Wait.  People go on multiple dates per semester?

Then added by my brother:

Wait, people go on multiple dates?

At this point, you can finally realize that you are completely cut off from the ideals of BYU dating.  You have probably been single for a while now and plan on being that way for another while.  You have reached Super Singleness.  Congratulations!

Although you are Super Single, you constantly be bombarded by the need of other BYU students to be in a relationship.  You will be bombarded by the need of other BYU students to know your relationship.  They will want to set you up.  They will ask you your type.  They will ask you if you think anyone is cute.  They will tell you to flirt (which by the way, shouldn't come naturally to you now that you are super single).  If this gets into your subconscious, don't worry, it happens to the best of us.

I had a dream last night that I was getting married.  Then I woke up and was like, "Whoa whoa whoa, I'm note even dating anyone."

Your dreams do not define who you are.  (Else, I would also be married to a jedi.  And, my family would have been eaten by a tiger.)  Don't worry.  As you continue to follow these steps, you will remain super single for the entirety of your BYU years.

I congratulate you and wish you the best of luck.


P.S. It might also help if you wear shirts of sharks in space while pretending to have a lightsaber in grocery stores.  That could help your singleness.

Or if you are the annoying person who presses all the buttons in the elevator.  That could also help.