Joseph: What's your middle name?
Griffin: Jon-niel.
Josh: When in doubt, it's Joseph's pants.
Coworker: Bandit farted, and it made my eyes water and burn.
Randomly heard in the hallway at work (gravelly tone): If you tell anyone, we your face.
30 seconds later (cheerful and high pitch): Hola niñas!
Me, constantly solving problems with our department computers: This is why they pay me the little bucks.
Joseph: Festival!
Griffin: You're a vegetable.
Cami: Why can't I just say I don't want a hot dog?
Griffin: 'Cause we're Americans. It's the Fourth of freakin' July.
[later in the same conversation]
Cami: Okay, well I can get a piece of pizza, and you can get hot dogs.
Griffin: I don't want a hot dog!
Emmett: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't lead a horticulture.
Cami: I want grandchildren.
Coworker: I want bran children.
Cami: Turds?!
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