Music Changes My Life

I have a fun story for all y'all. I come from a very talented family, and being the easily distracted wild child that I am, I have always been just mediocre. As a teenager, my family tried to get me to play the organ. My grandma played, and my aunt plays, and my sister plays. I refused because it was just another thing for me to be mediocre at, especially compared to family. So, I touched an organ probably three times without  playing anything at all. My poor grandma and older sister had to deal with my being a booger while my grandma tried to teach the both of us. But I refused.

God saw and said, "Ha ha ha, watch this."

And as an 18-year-old, I was made the organist in my college ward. And I have now played the organ in four of my wards in the last 10 years. So, moral of the story is God's got jokes.

Besides my rise to mediocrity in organism (hahahaha, yes!), okay in organ playing, music has become an interesting tool in my life. I never thought as a child that I would go far with music. And really I haven't, but it's one of my talents that has gotten me to different places. Music is one of those things that I have used to express my emotions and to soothe my emotions. Music is meant to make you feel. And music is meant to help you heal.

2018 Christmas Concert

I have been feeling lonely quite a bit lately. And I'm terrible at asking for a friend. So the other day I turned on my Christmas music. Sometimes I say Christmas music is my favorite as a joke.  (It's not a joke.) And, guess what! The song that came on was "He is Born" by David Archuleta.  The last verse says,

Stepping down from Heaven's throne

To show us that we're not alone

The truest love, a single light

The Son of God, Christmas Night.

I have had many experiences, too many to count, where music was the way God spoke to me. Sometimes it has been just the right message at the right time. Sometimes it has been a specific verse from a favorite hymn coming to my mind. Sometimes it has been the warm feeling everyone talks about during a hymn. Sometimes it has been playing piano is the only thing to calm me down. Sometimes it's playing a piece over and over again with several mistakes and the best version being at the meeting it has been prepared for. God has sent angels to help me with my music. I'm still not super great, but music has helped me find the beauty in the world and come closer to God.

I'm thankful for all the times I have been able to serve in church through music. It's been one of the biggest ways I have worked in church since I was 12. And most likely it will be how I continue to work in the church. Luckily, I have learned a few things over the years and am better than I was as a 14-year-old doing random stuff on the Seminary piano. Humility comes quickly to those who must play in front of everybody.

God speaks to us individually. How does God speak to you?

Okay, one last fun story. My first year playing the organ, I played the three verses of the song and then sat at the organ waiting for the person who was designated to come up and say the prayer. I just sat there for 15-20 seconds, and then I looked at the chorister. She whispered, "There's a fourth verse." I said, "Sorry!" and continued with the fourth verse. The congregation sung the fourth verse and then the prayer person came up. One of the bishopric members shared that story throughout the rest of the year and would tell the congregation, "Most of the time, we just need people who are willing to say, 'Sorry,' and then keep on going." I became a great lesson to that ward. As stated above, humility comes quickly when you're in front of everybody.

Miracles Great and Unexpected

This morning I was listening to Ronald Rasband's talk "Behold! I Am a God of Miracles." I listened with a particular miracle in mind that I have been praying for for a while. And Elder Rasband said, "Through faith, the miracle will come, though not necessarily on our timetable or with the resolution we desired. Does that mean we are less than faithful or do not merit His intervention? No. We are beloved of the Lord. He gave His life for us, and His Atonement continues to release us from burdens and sin as we repent and draw close to Him."

He continued to share a few examples of how people have received miracles that they were not expecting or received a different miracle than what they had hoped. Among these examples was an example of those who mocked Christ to come off the cross, which he could have done and would have been a miracle. The greater miracle was the fact that He stayed on that cross and suffered death, so that all humans could live again and be free of the sins and stains of this world. It was a much greater miracle than what the people taunted.

The day I get married will be a miracle. Nothing short of Divine miraculous wonder will be the day I get married. And I pray for that miracle. In the past few years though, I have found that my not being married is actually more miraculous than if I currently were married. It hurts sometimes, but I know that it is the will of God. I thought of the miracles I have seen in the last few years. I want to share a few things that have happened. And this might be very personal to some of the people who read my blog, but I want to let you know that I have been truly blessed because of you.

I have been told an inordinate number of times in my life that I was either the reason someone did not kill themselves or was the reason they were glad that their attempts were not successful. I have had the opportunity to be there at times when people were seriously contemplating killing themselves. This has happened in my work and in my personal life. And in many of these cases, if I were married, I most likely would not have been there for those people. Maybe someone else could have or would have been there, but for some reason God let me. And I'm so glad that He did.

I have seen so many of these friends, family, and patients continue with life and have greater joys come into their life because they continued on. And I have received so much joy from them. I am able to see several of you experience the great happinesses and adventures that life has to offer, and because of that I also receive happiness.

So as Rasband's talk wrapped up, I found myself standing in front of my bathroom mirror crying. I stared at the crazy-haired girl that sometimes feels aimless and wishes for different circumstances, and I realized that I was a miracle. I, a single girl, am a miracle. And I just stared and cried and realized how much I am. Lots of times we think miracles are for changing what's going on, but really the miracles are the fact that we are able to do so much. The miracle is that Jesus Christ died and suffered in Gethsemane for us and made it possible for us to access His power and find peace and joy. The miracle is that we sometimes see just how much power God gives us and how many people are allowed to come into our lives. Sometimes the miracle is that we find worth in ourselves.

I know I don't look like much. I know that this is a terrible picture of me. However, it's literally what I was staring at as I was crying to myself this morning about wanted and unreceived miracles and unexpected yet heart-wrenching and -warming miracles.

You are a miracle. Even if you take awkward bathroom selfies and have crazy hair. You are a miracle because you are His and have the capability of accessing the power of God and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. You are a miracle because you choose to keep on moving forward. You are a miracle.

The Dole Whips of Singlehood

My family had been planning a Disneyland 2020 trip for a few years. So, at the beginning of 2019, I said that if I wasn't married by the Disneyland trip, I would buy myself seven dole whips (blog post link for proof here). I'm apparently the type of person who eats her feelings. The reward for getting married was being married even though my family members tried to convince me it was to buy eight Dole Whips. As of the end of December 2019 when my family started our Disneyland trip, I was not married and had to buy myself seven Dole Whips. It has now taken me almost a year and a half to finally get those Dole Whips. I completed my quest this week. Here are my Dole Whips and photogenic self. Despite the faces, I enjoyed all of them.

Number 1: Lemon with Blue Raspberry slush that was pretty good despite it being lemon flavored. My brother had to help me eat it.

Number 2: Pineapple-Raspberry swirl. It was good. I wish I had tried a few more swirl flavors.

Number 3: Pineapple. The OG. It was delicious.

Number 4: Coconut with Pineapple juice. My brother and I found a bunch of Dole floats at Disney World. This is by far my favorite. The coconut dole whip is fantastic. And mixed with pineapple juice is amazing. If you ever go to Disney World, this is the float you must get.

Number 5: Pineapple. You can't go wrong with the pineapple. Except I cut my tongue on the plastic cup.

Number 6: Pineapple with Watermelon, Strawberry, and Coconut syrup. Not my favorite but good to try once. I couldn't really taste specifically watermelon, strawberry, or coconut, just kind of weird flavor mixed with the pineapple.

Number 7: Orange with Strawberry Fanta. It was delicious. I forgot that I like strawberry Fanta.

Well, if you wanted to know why I'm single it's because I only eat sugar and spend all my money going to Disney parks. Okay, that's not the reason, but it probably doesn't help. Thanks for looking at my weird pictures.

Before I get into the real content of this post, I just wanted to let you all know that the subscribe by email function that I have had on this blog will be discontinued. I was trying to find another way for my followers to get my blog by email, and so I did some quick research and found out that I only had 4 followers anyway, and one of them is the wrong address, and two of the other followers are my brothers, so really I have one follower who probably wouldn't get my blog posts otherwise. So, no need to fear. The discontinuation of the follower widget will not affect my reach to you guys. I literally reach no one.  So that was a great discovery. The only way people know I have a blog is by word of mouth and social media posts.

An Empowered Woman of God

The thought for this post has come from several conversations I have had over the last few months and seeing posts about people leaving church, especially from women. 

I've had a pretty easy life. I haven't gone through a ton of hardship, so this post may seem very inconsequential to those who have had a lot of hardships, trials, and oppressions.

In regards to my gender, or my sex, I am female. I was a female when I was born and shall remain a female until I die (and beyond). I cannot say that I understand transgender thought or feeling because I honestly have no idea what being female should feel like.  The only thing I can think of is I feel the pain and emotional turmoil that accompanies bleeding once a month. Other than that, I literally just see myself as a person. And maybe it's less of a feeling rather than a knowing, in which case, I know I am a female.

I was raised in a fairly conservative family. To me, that means that all children in my home were raised being told that if they worked hard, they would reap rewards of that work. Boys were raised as boys, and girls were raised as girls. For my sisters and me, this means I was raised to learn how to cook, sew, clean, play instruments, garden, mow the lawn, play sports, build things, squish bugs, pitch a tent, etc. For my brothers, it was the same thing. We were all taught to do the same stuff.

I have a brother, who if you took me and him, the society's so-called gender roles and standards and whatnot would say that we had gotten our roles reversed. My brother is the tender, home-making child, and I am the aggressive, play-in-the-mud child. And that doesn't make either of us less boy or less girl. We were lucky to grow up in a home where we were allowed to be ourselves.

I was taught that we are all children of God. And that someday we can become like God if we put in the work and use the Grace and Atonement of Jesus Christ. God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). All are welcome to come to Him and to be like Him.

With all this said, men and women are different and have different roles. Every person is meant to use their specific talents to help and lift each other. In the church, men receive the Priesthood and women do not. This does not mean that women do not have authority. Women very much are expected to work with Priesthood authority to bless the lives of others. The Priesthood is an unselfish power and can only be used to bless others; one cannot bless himself with his own Priesthood power (with a few exceptions such as blessing the bread for the sacrament which one will take for himself and other random things).

In the latest General Conference, Elder Holland quoted the late Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley:

 ' "How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse," he said. "Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. ... [He] is unworthy to hold a temple recommend." Equally despicable, he said, was any form of child abuse--or any other kind of abuse.'

For more about worthiness to hold the Priesthood, here is President Hinckley's talk.

I feel like there is a lot I could add and there is so much more that people have questions about and that people have concerns about. However, the following is my testimony. The following is what I know for myself.

God has a purpose for me. I know what to do and where to go because I use my agency, and I also consult with God. I feel empowered and feel like I can do whatever He asks me to because it is His power, His Priesthood, that gives me strength to do what He needs me to. I am female and am a strong woman of God. And even though I don't always meet society's standards of womanhood, I meet God's and am exactly who He has intended me to be. He works with my strengths instead of mauling me with my imperfections. Just because I am a woman, I am not less than man, and I am needed just as much as man. We're different. And we are the same. It's really contradictory, but life isn't meant to be super easy to explain. I don't like I have any less power to accomplish my goals than if I were a man. I am a woman, and I feel empowered because I know what I want and trust in God.

God has a purpose for you. I know it. He knows you and wants you to know Him. We also have a loving Heavenly Mother, who unfortunately I haven't actually taken the time to know as well. But She loves you too. She is looking out for you. She loves you and wants you to return to Her. She is helping you out more than you know. And you are a blessed child of Mom and Dad.

She Doth Quote the Wise and Herself

Alright guys! I got the quotes from January to March of this year.

Emmett: Have you ever played Shrek 2 on the game cube on the virtual Wii on the WiiU?

Sabrina: Grill and chill?

Cami: Yeah, they grill you, as in ask you a bunch of questions. And if you get them right, you chill.

Random 11-12 year old boy in a group: No one wants to be in your stupid TikTok, Nate.

Cami: I date to get married. I don't date for fun. Because dating isn't fun.

Cami: I'm just gonna stand here opening my knife.

Sabrina: I'm just gonna close this door and lock it.

Brittany: Don't give kisses for organs.

After seeing a sign about active bees in the area

Brandt: What are inactive bees?

Cami: Bees that don't go to church often.

Putting markers on the whiteboard tray

Cami: Ooh, what if I put a permanent marker up here?

Coworker: That is some chaotic energy.

When people were trying to get me to do a "princess" serve at volleyball.

Cami: I'm not a princess... I'm the dragon.

Pruning and Growth

Hey guys, it's been a minute. Apparently, my game didn't last very long. I'm not good at sticking to my ideas. (Maybe a little undiagnosed inattentive ADHD? Could explain a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to diagnose yourself. And I'm not a psychiatrist. But it would even explain this random tangent.) It was fun while it lasted. I don't really know what to share, but I thought I should share something. I've had a lot of thoughts about growth and change recently. I have thoughts about growth all the time actually and am constantly trying to figure out what my next move is for becoming a better person and how I can change.

So maybe I'll share a little about one of my favorite books. We've all heard about The Book of Mormon. Well, within that book there is another book called The Book of Jacob. I love The Book of Jacob. There are a few chapters that I love throughout the whole Book of Mormon and read all the time; however, all the chapters in The Book of Jacob are some of my go-to chapters. Jacob teaches the allegory of the olive tree, and it is fantastic. I love it. Maybe it hits me more or makes a lot of sense to me because my favorite chores growing up were always the outdoor chores in the garden or helping take care of the various fruit trees. (RIP the beloved peach tree that took so much work. It had the best peaches on this planet.)

This chapter talks a lot about pruning, which means it's about decay, growth, and change. Pruning doesn't always mean that you are developing horrendously. Sometimes we are making progress and have lots of potential and are full of fruit. When pruning the peach tree, we would pluck off lots of unripe fruit, so that the tree's energy could be used more efficiently to produce better tasting and mature fruit. Sometimes we are the same; we have to let go of some good things, so we can put more time and energy into other things and have better results. Sometimes we just need a little redirection.

Pruning the rose bushes has taught me that different branches of your life will bud and blossom at different times. We sometimes have to work on one thing for a while and then work on something else. Just because it isn't important for us to work on something now does not mean it won't be pertinent later. For example, I felt it important to work on developing a business. At this moment, that's something that just isn't plausible and has been put to the side for a bit. In the future, I may come back to that and let it bloom and grow.

Pruning for me and my life often comes in the form of long talks with God and what I call chastenings. I go on bike rides when I have some serious talks with God to do (especially since the temples are closed because of COVID). I talk to God about the things that I need to change and ask Him about what I need to know right now. I made the realization a few months ago that my chastenings have gotten much better, and that I enjoy my talks with God and receiving direction. Even when it's direction that I don't necessarily think I want. 

Yeah, I know I look cool with the pigtails.

As your relationship gets better with God, so do your prunings, your chastenings. And probably most people won't call them chastenings like I do. I just have an interesting relationship with God. I encourage you to talk to God and ask Him what He needs you to know right now. I can tell you that He loves you and wants you to know. More often than not, when I ask Him, "What do You need me to know right now?", He has answered that I need to know that He loves me. Nothing in this world even matters unless you know that God loves you. Ask Him. Talk to Him. It's hard sometimes, and it's worth it. You may cry. An emotionally guarded person like me cries when God tells me He loves me and when He tells me what I need. Being pruned and growing leads to good fruit when it's led by God and fed by a relationship with Him. Go with God.

For another resource about pruning that I love, here is one of my favorite inspirational videos. I quote it (to myself) often because I love it so much and because I feel like it has pertained to so much in my life. You can also find other similar inspirational messages here.

Meet Kenzie

Hi all! (I don't actually know if 'all' includes very many people, but hello.) Another week has passed us by. This week, I want you to meet McKenzie. We went and got some Andy's frozen custard. #notanad Is that an appropriate use of that hashtag? Anyway, it was a really good game this week.

Kenz made it 6.5 minutes before she laughed. We talked about missions, volunteering, mental health, and dinosaur dresses. Kenzie has so many good dresses. Every time I see a different dress, I'm pretty sure I tell her how much I like her dresses. She's really good at finding dresses with pockets. Altogether, I feel like we talked about a lot of random stuff and yet still had a fairly deep conversation. Kenzie is cool like that. She has a great sense of humor and is still able to be serious and speak from the heart.

Also, Kenzie is the one who has helped me with my Team Cami shirts most recently. She has a lot of fun and cute shirts that she makes. You can find some of her designs on her Instagram page: @whatkenziecreates. I have several new shirts since being her roommate. She's also a big supporter of the perpetuation of Team Cami. Below is my roommates and me wearing the shirts she has made. #notsponsored 

Thanks Kenz for going along with my random ideas. And thanks for chatting with me. I really appreciate it.

My Game and Some Awesome T-Shirts

 This week, I hung out with Lari. We talked over FaceTime because she was just traveling. We got a pretty good picture.

We both look super good in the picture. Those blue dots are the lights in her truck. We had a good talk and caught up about life. Something about Lari is she is a great listener, and then she is always good at telling people what their strengths are. If you are ever wondering what you are good at, Lari can tell you something positive about you. Lari is also a spiritual giant. She can tie anything back to how you are a beloved son or daughter of God and how much He loves you.

Lari lost the challenge to not laugh, and we still had a good time.

Here is a better picture of us, just not one from the night we did my game. This one was about 2 years ago.

I also wanted to use this time to let you know that I have a new Team Cami logo. I got the first shirt this week. Below are some pictures. My roommate makes shirts and has made a few already. If you would like one, just let me know, and I can get you in contact with her to make some.

Sabrina

 I did it again. I beat someone at my own game. Surprised?

This week, I took on a fierce competitor named Sabrina. Sabrina and I hang out a lot together. I think her downfall in this game was that she underestimated my ability to take anything light-heartedly (that's not really a good thing, but it works when trying to make people laugh). She wanted to change the subject to funerals at one point, so my response was obviously, "Okay!!" She regretted that decision immediately. She did hold up pretty well during the fantastic funeral stories. She made it through stories from my work as well.

Sabrina lasted 25 minutes. Let me tell you, Sabrina has great strength. Sabrina and I talked about all kinds of stuff as we tend to do. It was a great walk around the temple.

If you need someone to listen to you, Sabrina is one of the best. She laughs at all my dumb stories and always has my back. Even when I make bad decisions. We had a good walk and had more laughs after the 25 minutes. Also, the temple is awesome. If you need to clear your head, it's a great place to go. Thanks Sabrina for playing my game!

2020's last bit of Quotes

Sorry guys, I kind of lapsed on the quotes during the last half of 2020.

Grandma: I don't usually disrobe in front of people on Sundays.

Cami: You can take the easy way, or you can take the fun way.

Holly: If dating was a game, it would be Jumanji.

Hannah: How did you drink so much milk already?
Cami: I ate seven bowls of cereal and made some macaroni and cheese.
Hannah: Cami, you eat like a teenage boy.

Cami: That's the difference between me and Sabrina; Sabrina is a babe, and I'm a dinosaur.

Cami: Just pretend you're the best, and everything will fall into place.

While at work (a center that provides care to seniors with dementia)
Coworker 1: I'm losing my mind/
Coworker 2: Well, you're in the right place.

Lari: This is life-saving.

Cami: We're all alive today because of Chik-fil-a shakes.

Hanging with the Bros

My contestants this week were my brothers, Tito and Griffin. Tito (Emmett) took me out to lunch for part of my Christmas present, and Griffin joined. I don't even remember what we talked about. I know we talked about how weird people are. But, I don't remember. I know there was something about chickens and something about a letter on one of the cups to designate which drink it was. Emmett lost my game because we both laughed.

Technically, Griffin won the game, but he was also in the back seat of the car and randomly joined us. It was kind of an awkward game altogether because I couldn't see both of my competitors and was driving, and then we ended back at home where people would walk by, so it wasn't my best effort. Griffin said that his grand prize would be that he didn't have to show his face in a picture, so here's his game photo.

As if that picture is any less awkward. (Also, Cane's do you want to sponsor me?) It was a good lunch with the brothers. I think Emmett made Griffin laugh. Does that count?

Also, Emmett, is this the picture you actually wanted me to post?  (Nobody has to worry about a bunch of people seeing their awkward pictures because I only have three people that read my blog. Maybe three.)

Thanks brothers! Who wants to take me out to lunch next? Or we can get some Andy's or Dairy Queen. Or I can do FaceTime or Zoom for virtual game time.

Second Week a Success

This week featured siblings that live in Utah since they came back to Arizona for some holiday cheer. My contestants this week were Sarah and Schuyler. Apparently, we were all a little iffy about how the game went.

Just kidding, we had a great time. We all made some good (and also some bad) jokes. (It was mostly me making the bad jokes. I've got a few insensitive jokes that stay tucked away in my brain for the most part.) We shared stories about making tin foil dinners, scout camp, and girls' camp. Sarah said that if I laughed, then I lost too. I always lose if that is the case. I laugh every few seconds, I'm pretty sure.  Thank you to Sarah and Schuyler for playing my game. It was a good time. Thanks for sitting around the fire with me and chatting about good ol' mission days.

And the First Contestant Is...

 I had my first contestant of this rebooted game this week.  I went to get some frozen yogurt with my younger sister Makenna.

We talked about my new job and mental health. We had some good laughs while we talked about some of the stories from my job. We also had a good conversation about how people are ultimately good even though we have differing opinions. Makenna did end up losing because she laughed at something I said, but I also laughed at some things that she said. It was a great start to the game. I'm excited to go on adventures with everyone. Sign up by commenting on this blog or commenting on the Instagram post. You can also send me a text, email, or Instagram message. I'm looking forward to some good laughs and quality time with family and friends. Also, Makenna likes going on walks and eating chocolate because it helps with endorphin production and/or absorption. Invite her on a walk; she's funny and is a great listener and validator.

A Not Entirely New Yet Still as Exciting Game

A few years ago, I accepted the challenge of starting my own social game, which is documented in this post:  An Exciting New Game.  I have decided to reboot this old game and invite anyone who wishes to participate. The simple premise of the game is that I meet with someone for about 30 minutes (or longer if so desired), and if you laugh, you lose the game. Who wants in?!

In this rendition of the game, I am no longer eating lunch on BYU campus. And due to COVID concerns, there may be a few restrictions or adaptations. I will meet with the contestant inside or outside, at a place of the contestant's choosing, within reasonable distance. For those who make it through 30 minutes of conversation without laughing at anything that I say or do, there will be a grand prize. What that prize is, I have no idea at this point.

I would like to take a picture with each of my contestants. If you allow, I would like to share our picture and experience on my blog, just as I did five years ago. And then you will be famous to my five followers. I would love to get at least two contestants a week. Please contact me and let me know if you are in.

For fun, here are some past contestants. (And maybe repeats?) Obviously, I'm super photogenic.

The Redeeming Power of God's Love

 Lately, as I have prayed to God and have received my daily chastenings, I have noticed a common pattern.  And I hope this is a pattern that others find as well. Near the end of my prayers, chats, complaints, grievings, or ponderings with God, I usually ask the question, "What else do I need to know at this time?"  The answer is usually something along the lines of, "I need you to know I love you."

I need you to know I love you.

I don't really know what else to say except that I know that God's love has the power to change people. I would not be the person I am today without knowing that God loves me. Granted I still have much work to do and many things to improve, I would say I have come a long way. And it's possible for everyone. My hope is that all can feel God's love. And my hope is that all can have the desire to change because of God's love.

I know that I'm not the best at helping others feel God's love, and I would like to change. If there is anything I can do to help others, please let me know.  I know people read this blog, but sometimes I feel that it's just pretty words (or lots of times, not so pretty) that just sit around. If you have someone in mind that I can pray for or reach out to, please let me know. I would love to spread God's love as far as I can.

And because it's Christmas time, how great of a time to share this love.

John 3:16 "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

Alma 36:18 "O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me"

Alma 36:20 "And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold"