My Favorite Type of Music is Christmas

In honor of halfway to Christmas, I wanted to share my love of Christmas music with everyone (with a hint of ranting).  My family listens to Christmas music whenever we feel like, whatever day of the year we see fit.  We don't wait for the Christmas "season." All year is our season.

This doesn't make us any less interested in the other holidays of the year.  Take the 4th of July for example.  I love the 4th of July.  I love my beautiful home of The United States of America.  I love that I have the freedom to live here and write my blog with whatever I want on it.  I have USA shirts, socks, and a hat.  I always put my hand to my heart and face the flag when the National Anthem is playing.  I love patriotic songs.  I listen for most of July.  (With a hint of Christmas music here and there.)

Take Thanksgiving for another example.  I play that music every now and then.  There are like three songs.  Maybe if there were more Thanksgiving songs, people wouldn't get so mad at me for playing Christmas songs.  I would totally play Thanksgiving songs.  I was going to write some, and then that didn't happen.

Anyway, back to people being mad at me for playing Christmas music.  Do you know how mad people get when they hear that I listen to Christmas music whenever I want?  So mad.  People get really defensive.  They have to tell me just how wrong it is that I do that.  They tell me I'm not allowed.  They tell me that I'm weird.  They go into their grand arguments about why I can't listen to Christmas music unless it is December.  People have told me, "It makes me too excited for Christmas."  This one is somewhat understandable.  I, too, get excited for Christmas.

But fun, jolly, present opening and Santa seems to be the only thing that people get out of Christmas music.  When I say that I listen to Christmas music all year, I definitely don't mean Jingle Bells, Frosty the Snowman, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer, and all those other weird songs.  I don't even really like those ones too much.  I'm talking about Jesus music.  I listen to Jesus music.  When I say Christmas music, I mean And the Angels Cried, Joy to the World, and others like Angels from the Realms of Glory.

People don't believe me that I like to listen to Jesus music.  Who are they to judge how much I love Jesus?  Yeah, I have been rude to say in reply, "Sorry you don't like Jesus."  That was rude of me to say.  I just get upset when people think they can judge my relationship with Jesus.  It's true that people who love Jesus will be better, nicer people.  And maybe I'm not the nicest, but I love Jesus.  And I'm working on it.

Jesus saved me.  And not just from my sins.  I have been in some really dark places in my life.  And I have thought so many times that my life is not one that is worth being on this earth.  I have been so alone so many times.  I haven't been able to trust people around me for years at a time.  I have felt abandoned and hated.  I have been mocked and bullied.  I have had to take on responsibilities that I was not ready for.  But Jesus saved me.  He told me I was worth living.  He told me that He would carry my burdens.  He told me that He is the Light.  He is the Way.  And He is one of many guardian angels.  Have you ever heard any words sweeter or more filled with hope than the hymn "I Heard the Bells on Christmas Day"?

And in despair I bowed my head:

"There is no peace on earth," I said,

"For hate is strong and mocks the song

Of peace on earth, good will to men."

Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:

"God is not dead, nor doth He sleep;

The wrong shall fail, the right prevail,

With peace on earth, good will to men."

Till, ringing, singing, on its way,

The world revolved from night to day,

A voice, a chime, a chant sublime,

Of peace on earth, good will to men!

When people mock my joy of Christmas music, they mock the words that have given me strength.  I don't expect anyone to have the same love of Christmas music that my family and I have, but I just wish they would stop mocking.  I say it sometimes as a joke, so that other people don't have to make it a joke for me; it really is my favorite type of music.

Also in honor of halfway to Christmas, here are some awesome videos.

Quote-y Quotes

Quotes from the middle of March until the end of May

Cami: You just stared at your booger for five seconds.
Griffin: Yeah, what else would I do?
Cami: Throw it away.

Cami: Did you just toot on the cat?
Griffin: Yeah, it scared him.
(I later found out he was not the only one doing this.)

Astri: Guys, I've bee keeping this milk since *sniff*  blehhhhhhhh.

Cami: Do you want to see my dirty underwear?
Ami:  Yes.  Please.
(We found out there was a new style and I had already tried them out.  Nonetheless, I feel somewhat ashamed of myself for ever saying this.)

Johanna: Who put an umbrella over the cockroach?
Cami: That was me.
Johanna: Of course it was.

During a muddy, cold hike
Emmett: Help me Siri!

Roommate 1: Did you see how cute [certain boy] was at church?  I just couldn't stop staring at him.
Cami: Want to know who I couldn't stop staring at?
Roommates 1 &2: Who?!!
Cami: My dry legs! They're so flaky.

Lari: I just want to swim in this.
Cami: You'll be getting banana cake out of your britches for days.

Cami: How are the overalls working out for ya?
Cameron (showing the straps hanging down): Well they're more like underalls right now.

Emmett: He's a human butt.  He's literally a walking butt.

Emmett: The worst kind of correct is technically.

While looking at internet settings and trying to delete password history
Kailon: Betty Crocker has nine cookies.

Cami: We've got to get the coals.
Kailon: You mean the charcoal?
Cami: We'll get the char - coals.

Cami: Okay! We'll just...
Kailon: You're going to say something ridiculous.
Cami (whispered): We'll just starve.
Kailon: I always know you're going to say something ridiculous when you say, "Okay!"

Cami: I should probably see a therapist and get over it.
Carson: You could build a bridge and get over it.  An emotional bridge, but I don't know what you would use as building materials.
Cami: Because I don't have emotions.
Carson: Okay! Not what I meant.

Cami: Maybe we should end this relationship because it's kind of negative.
Elise: Cami just broke up with you.
Carson: We haven't even dated.

Emmett: And I left him a note that said, "Please stop. Thanks."

Coworker: How are you today?
Cami: Good.  (Then slightly to self) But I do regret my decision to come into work early today.
Kailon just busts up laughing

While flaking the rope after rappelling
Cami: Flaky, flaky.
Kailon: Buttery, flaky crisp.

Just a thought after climbing a little trail: Oh! I made it.  That's also probably what I'll say if I make it to heaven.

Elise: It feels like 70, but it's actually 70.

Cami: I need to grow out my hair.
2 minutes later
Cami: I have too much hair.

The Difference of A Year and A Half

I was thinking about my future today and all the things that I want to do (i.e. move from Utah, get married and have kids, and maybe start a business or become a college professor).  I want to be able work toward these things, but sometimes what we plan is not what is supposed to happen.  It's kind of rough when I realize that I had planned to be out of Utah a year and a half ago.  I was going to finish up my semester in December 2016 and head somewhere warm for my internship that started in January 2017.  Instead, I stayed in Utah and dealt with this:

I haven't really been able to figure out why I can't seem able to move.  Something is keeping me here that I don't know.  And it's bothersome.  However, I was thinking about all the things that have happened in the past year and a half.  I have mostly thought about all the people that I have gotten to know.  And there is no way that I can mention everyone, so bear with me.

I already had a great roommate that invited me to come to Sunday dinner with her family.  And during the start of 2017, I was able to keep going to Sunday dinners.  I had people who cared about me and wanted to know that I was doing well.

I got to do my internship with one of my best friends.  We went on bike rides together.  And because of her, I actually got an internship.

I started actually going to my ward and meeting people.  I met people who were okay with my dry and sometimes morbid humor.  I had people who were willing to hang out with me.  And these people helped me become a joke in the ward.

And then I moved.  But I stayed in the ward.  I got some really good roommates.  I have been on bike rides and rollerblading trips with these girls.  They have seen me cry and put up with my winter depression.  They heard my rants about my calling and how I hated it.  They told me that I was prideful and let me know I needed to do some better work.  And then they still loved me.  They tolerated my dead mom jokes.

In the Fall semester of 2017, I had a group of three friends that would spend time with me all the time.  I once said they were my best friends.  At times that I have said that if I was any color of crayon, I would be brown because it's no one's first choice in color, but once used, it makes all the other colors look good.  I didn't feel like a brown crayon with these friends.  And they still talk to me.  Even though they don't live by me anymore.

I unfortunately don't have a picture with them.

And I have thought about my experiences that I have had with being in Utah.  Because I have been in Utah, I have been close to my older sister and my younger brother.  I did a scavenger hunt type of event with my brother and step sisters this year.  And we had a good time.  I have been able to develop better relationships with my siblings in the last few months.

There have been times that I have been so alone and have had to deal with my inability to initiate conversations with people or inability to invite people over.  I have seen my weakness and have tried to be okay with it or have tried to get better at talking with people.  I've had the opportunity to try activities that I have never done.  I have gone to Temple Square and done "family history" with my brother.

I have gotten a cake from random people that actually wasn't half bad.  And it wasn't poisoned.

So, I guess being in Utah hasn't been as terrible as sometimes I think it is.  And I still almost cry that I am still here.  I know I will be here for at least a few months.  I guess we will see what happens.  Anything is possible?  When the Lord makes you stay somewhere, He looks out for you and makes it okay.

Thank you to everyone who I have had the opportunity to be friends with this past year and a half.  And thank you to the people that I will be friends with in the next few months.  I'm glad God has let me have you in my life.

Baby Face

I don't really have any great rants at the moment, but I figured a few of you would start asking me when my next blog post would be, so here I am.  I thought I would share a fun little story about work.

I sometimes give trainings to the new staff about what recreation therapy is and how we would like them to participate.  During my very first training, a new staff walked in late.  I was explaining a few things at the front of the classroom.  Then, we went outside to do a little recreation therapy of our own.  I did a task with them that I had done with my homes.

This task involves moving from one place to another by putting down rubber dots about 8" in diameter.  And the dot has to be touched by a person at all times or else the dot is taken away.  And as people forget to touch the dots, the numbers of dots dwindle.  It's a really great team-building and communication exercise.  And there are lots of other great things that one can learn from this.  Being aware of one's surroundings is really good too.

Anyway, after we did the task, we talked about how the group of new staff had to work together.  They processed some good stuff, and then we went back into the classroom to finish up my training.  I asked if anyone had any other questions.

The girl who came in late asked, "So what's your background in?"

I'm going to be honest, I always think people are dumb when they ask me this when they know that I am a recreation therapist.  But I thought that maybe she wanted to know how I was qualified to work in a treatment center.

I explained that I had worked at the very same treatment center while I was going to college, studying recreation therapy.  And I did my internship at a different treatment center and worked there for a little while before the position opened up at my current treatment center. So, I had a little over two years experience in the RTC setting.

Then she followed up with, "Oh, you just don't look old enough to work here."

Seriously?!

I don't even look 21?!  (That's the age you have to be to work here, by the way.)

How do I not look older than 20?  Look at those wrinkles. 
And squinty eyes.  Obviously my eyesight is going because of age.
Also, I totally have an old lady knee.
The teeth are real though.

You'd think I would just get used to it, but no.  Every time someone thinks that I'm a baby, I am surprised, and I want to punch something.  But hey, sometimes it gets me free ice cream.

General Conference Brings All the Emotions

My friend Jake was talking to me about my blog today, between sessions, and asked a question pertaining to me writing about General Conference.  I commented that I felt that I incorporated it into many of my posts.  And then I thought about how I could write a post about General Conference.  That is when Sunday Afternoon session hit.

In the Sunday Afternoon session, President Russell M. Nelson announced the deletion of Visiting Teaching.  If you can recall my last blog post "Quitting My Calling," you can probably guess my reaction.  I jumped off the couch, yelling "Yes! Yes!" My notebook went flying to the other couch and my pen to the wall across the room.  I landed and slowly sank to my knees: "thank you."  Next came the texts:

As I helped my roommate load stuff into her car during Elder Holland's talk, I thought about what a great day and age we live in.  We have so much work to do.  We are to minister to the people around them and, as Elder Massimo De Feo talked about, have "pure love" for those around us. I thought the words, "I have a work for you to do."  I looked up the phrase on lds.org, and wouldn't you know it, there is something from the previous General Conference about this phrase.  Elder John C Pingree Jr talked in October 2017 about each person having a role in building up the kingdom of God and developing our talents and relying on God to do so. Below is the very beginning of his talk.

There were lots of themes: covenants, temple work, family history, service, loving others, and others.  I still haven't seen the Saturday Morning session.  So, I'll be working on that.  Probably for the next 6 months.  I just finished the October 2017 General Conference a week and a half ago.  It was awesome.  And Neil L Andersen's "The Voice of the Lord" was incredible to listen to right before a new General Conference.  He talked about how each talk is inspire of the Lord and how the talks are not usually assigned.  Each conference contains themes that are much needed by the world during that time.  And with that said, I think the themes from this conference call for a lot of action and change, at least I know I need to change a lot.

And just for fun, here are some of my unofficial Conference Notes:

I invite you to read or watch the Conference messages for the next 6 months.  Do better than me.

Quitting My Calling

I just want to begin by stating that I am a sinner.  And that my ward is full of absolutely wonderful people.  Upon saying both of these things, I wanted to share an experience with you.  And yes, it's going to be super church-y.

On September 10, 2017, I received a calling that made my soul sink instantly.  My smile vanished.  I usually love meeting with members of the bishopric.  It fills me with hope and joy.  And this was not one of those times.  When I had heard that I was getting released from my previous calling--one that was stressful but that I loved--I was hoping and daring to dream that it would not be anything to do with Visiting Teaching.  And here I was, on the 10th of September, being asked to be a Visiting Teaching Coordinator.  And I said yes.

Why did I say yes?  Why?  Because I was taught that my leaders were given inspiration and that any calling can come from God and even if not totally from God, can still help us to come closer to Him and help others come closer to Him.  That, my friends, is why I said yes.  I said yes because I knew that it could be good.

I went home and cried.  And on that very day--September 10--I began to pray about my calling.  I prayed long.  I prayed hard.  I prayed with real intent.  I prayed to know why God wanted me in that calling and how I could use my personality to help the girls in my ward.  And I listened.  I wrote things down.  I honestly tried to understand.  When October came around, I was able to apply my plea to General Conference talks.  I scoured the contents for answers to my prayers.

As the weeks went by, I shared my concerns about the calling and visiting teaching, in general.  For the first few weeks, I was told that my different point of view was good.  I was told that it was good to know why girls struggled to do visiting teaching.  I was also told that because I had a hard time seeing how my personality fit into this calling, I didn't know who I was.  I was told that I was listening to Satan.  I was told that I needed to pray; I needed to talk to God more and figure out who I am.

And then, as I continued to cry and pray over my calling, my burden lifted.  I believed I could do it.  I did my calling.  I had a few months in which I was okay with my calling.  I knew that I was putting in effort and that that was okay with God.  And I was no longer being rebuked.

I had also found comfort in the words from President Dieter F Uchtdorf from his talk in October:

That's when January hit.  January brought a new "vigor" to visiting teaching.  Relief Society lessons began to be about visiting teaching.  The lessons began to be about how we weren't doing visiting teaching.  And my attitude turned sour again.  My concerns came back, and I voiced them.  (If I have learned something from this experience, it might be that if I have concerns, I really shouldn't say so.)  I began to be rebuked again.  Every Sunday, I would go home and cry and pray.  I prayed long.  I prayed hard.  I prayed with real intent.

I began telling myself that sometimes magnifying one's calling means saying, "I'll try again this week."  Which didn't really help because then people started quoting Yoda to me: "Do or do not; there is no try."  With Yoda's words on mind, I began telling myself that my efforts were doing nothing.  The thought that I had given in Relief Society about aiding people through visiting teaching was doing nothing.  The survey I had created to track visiting teaching was doing nothing.  My desire to truly help others and make sure they were doing alright was doing nothing.  My efforts were a waste.

However, I continued.  I returned to the words of President Uchtdorf and made choices.  I prayed about the sisters that I visit taught.  I asked God about what their needs were.  I asked about how I could help my supervisors.  I asked people how I could help them.

I think this is the part where we should remember that I am a sinner.  I started comparing myself to my roommate.  My roommate is one of the most wonderful people who anyone has ever met.  She serves everyone and is outgoing and talks to people and listens to them.  And everyone loves her.  I saw that people thanked her all the time.  People brought her cards of thanks.  People would talk about her in Relief Society as a good example.  People commented about how she had two demanding callings and that she went above and beyond on both.  And I thought about myself.  I was selfish.  And that's what people were saying to me. I would voice my concerns about my calling, and I was told I was selfish and prideful and that I had a bad attitude and a bad perspective.  I compared my chastisements with my roommate's praises.  I began to see that I was nothing.  And this continued for about a month.

During that month, I happened to ask my bishop if I could be released.  He said no.  And I asked him why.  And he gave me reasons that I don't necessarily find important to share with everyone.  So, I tried again.  (But remember Yoda.  He was still in the back of my mind.)

Eventually, I stopped comparing myself to my roommate.  I renewed my efforts to find and meet the needs of the girls in Relief Society.  I think this is a good time to remind you, again, that I'm sinner; I'm not very good at helping anyone.  Which is a good time to remind myself of this:

I prayed again.  Long.  Hard.  Real intent.  As the weeks continued, Relief Society stayed on the topic of how we were doing awfully with visiting teaching.  It came to a point that we were told the percentages and that they were a "failing grade."  I commented that our ward is so good.  And I truly believe that.  My ward is awesome.  The people in my ward serve each other so much.  We know who needs help, even if we don't visit teach those people.  We know where people are when they aren't at church.  We know if they need more love than usual.  And my comment was shut down.  And we were asked why our visiting teaching was failing so bad?

Under my breath, I said, "Because the visiting teaching coordinator SUCKS!"

I left Relief Society early.  I sat in the hall and cried.  Never had any calling made me feel so worthless.  I don't cry, and this calling has provoked my crying nearly every Sunday for 7 months.  I tried.  I had truly tried.

I went to the Bishop and said, "Can I please, please, please, please, please, please, please be released from my calling?"  And he said yes.

I felt a burden lifted from my shoulders.  I felt peace.  And I know I didn't give a good explanation to my bishop for why I should be released.  But he let me quit anyway.  So, yes, I quit.  Let it be known that Cami is a quitter.  Can you depend on  her?

As of right now, I don't really know why I had that calling.  And part of me still believes that I didn't help anyone.  I also feel really judged.  I think that I am seen as a quitter and that I lack faith.  In the long run, it doesn't matter because God knows my heart.  And I'm sorry if you have ever felt judged by me.  God knows your heart.  He knows your struggles and concerns.  He just wants to see you try.  And I don't care if there isn't a such thing as trying because I believe in it.  We can put in effort and not see the fruits of our labors.  Pretty much that's my life.  I don't know if I do anything good, but I try.  I want to do what God wants me to do.  And I need to stop caring if people think I am doing good.  People are mean.  But they are good at the same time.

Just a few more notes, some things that really helped me get through the last 7 months (besides the October 2017 General Conference, praying, crying, and reading my scriptures) are the following:

• The mormon message "The Will of God"
• The hymn "Come, Ye Disconsolate"
• The efy song "Glorious"
• Long, hot showers

Remember that if you don't think you are doing any good, God still cares about your choices.  You make a difference, and you are dear to Him.

January and February and a little of March Quotes

The quotes are back!  I hope you enjoy

Emmett: These ones are navel oranges, and that's why they have the weird belly button thing.  And then then these other oranges don't have that, so they aren't navel oranges?
Cami: Those are grapefruit.
Emmett: So?!

During Sacrament meeting and I already had the hymn open
Carson: You're on top of it.
Cami: Well, music is the only thing I listen to in this meeting.
Carson: At least you listen to something.

Cherise: Well, you look thinner than when you were on your mission.
Cami: Because I was eating Buttered Beans! And Bacon!

The next five are from the first day of my three-day stint of having a dating app account.  My cousin made the account for me, and these are mostly her telling me how to use it.

Brittany: That one's a yes.  Mmmm.

Cami: Did you just swipe up on him?
Brittany: Yes 'cause you laughed.  It's a success.

Cami: He's and ESTJ?!
Brittany: What's wrong with that?
Cami: That's almost exactly opposite of me.
Brittany: Sweet!  Maybe you can learn something from him.

Emmett: Don't you think we should let Cami do the swiping?
Brittany: Well, we should, like, um, help her not swipe the creeps.

Brittany: Well, this is what mine looks likes.
Cami: Well, you look cute in all the pictures except this one.
Emmett: Ooh.  Roasted.

Brittany puts something strange in my hand

Cami: Is that a booger?  Did you just give me a booger?!

When my fast is only 14 hours

Roommate: Did you forget it was Fast Sunday too?

Cami: No

Roommate: Did you start your fast at noon yesterday?

Cami: No, I'm just a sinner.

Cami: Oh! I have to tell you about my night last night.

Elise: Ooh, whose hand did you hold?

Cami: Ha! Please.

Cami: How does one not look bum-ish?

Lily laughs and says nothing.

Cami: They think, "Cami doesn't touch people."

Emmett: Cami doesn't even hug people.

Cherise: Cami doesn't even know what people is.

Emmett: What are you doing tomorrow?

Cami: I was thinking about buying some high heels.

Emmett: Oh I was thinking of. ... wait. Why?

Cami: Because I need to change myself.

Emmett laughing: You are gonna do something that's completely not you?

Cami: Yeah, I need to change myself.

Emily: You're just delightfully sassy.

Cami: I just karate chopped my chair on accident.

Emmett: Thanks for being my moral support.  Because I have no morals.

Kailon: Isn't that ridiculous?

Cami: That is  ridiculous.  I'm gonna eat a twix.

Cami: I'm just dry all around: my face, my hands, my humor.

Elise: I need to do my laundry; I've started wearing garments from my mission.

Cami: I wore my last clean pair today.  Actually, that was yesterday, and I wore them again today.

My Dating Resume

This blog is dedicated to my family in Utah.  They have all contributed to this idea.  Emmett and Sarah had the original idea.  They told me that I should write about the dating resume.  And Cherise and Brittany really have wanted me to try dating apps, which I would say are similar to a dating resume.  Fun fact, I had a mutual account for three days.  It was rough.  I really don't want to do that ever again.  I have also been told that I am desperate, so I'll go with it.  Here is my process of making a dating resume.

This was difficult because what do you even put on a dating resume?  I copied my actual resume and tried to put in the information that would be pertinent to dating, and this is what I came up with:

Cami Turley

email | phone #

Education

Brigham Young University

Major: Recreation Management: Therapeutic Emphasis

Already Graduated & Have a Full-Time Job 

Certifications & Licenses

I don't think you need this to go on dates.  I think?  Is this something people want to know about me?

Related Experience

I have been on more than 7 dates and less than 20.

Hobbies/Interests

Bicycle Riding and Repair

Rollerblading

Music: Piano, Cello, Organ, and dabbling on my Banjo

Tennis

Polynesian Dancing

References

None

Yeah, that didn't work.  So, this is where the dating app stuff comes in.  What do people use on dating apps?  Height.  Weight.  Eye Color.  How awesome I look in a swimsuit.  (Seriously, why do people even use those pictures?  Ya nasties.)  I tried again, and this was the second result:

Cami Turley

email | phone #

Biological Information

Hair:  Brown/Blondish

Eyes: Green

Height:  5'7 1/2"

Weight: 150 lbs

Family Information

Parents: Dad, Stepmom; My mom died when I was 15, and yes, I make dead mom jokes.

Siblings: 4 biological, 5 step; I am the second oldest.

Extended: I see them all the time.  Lots of cousins, aunts, and uncles.

Education & Occupation

BYU

Recreation Therapist

Hobbies/Interests

Bicycle Riding and Repair

Rollerblading

Music: Piano, Cello, Organ, and dabbling on my Banjo

Tennis

Polynesian Dancing

Running Awkwardly in Front of Cars

Making Bird Noises

Life Goals

I would love to be a mom.  If that doesn't happen, I have quite a few things that I would love to do.  I would love to continue to work in Recreation Therapy.  I am applying to Masters Programs currently.  I love writing, as evidenced by my blog and think it would be awesome to write a few books.  I am an avid church goer and plan on going for the rest of my life.  I love God, and He probably has a way different plan for me than I have for myself.  He's slowly letting me in on some of His secrets for my life and eternity.



This will get the boys linin' up to date me.  I think the most convincing part is the dead mom jokes.  Or the running awkwardly in front of cars.  You know, I think it looks great.  I should probably leave the references part in because that wouldn't get weird at all.  Anyway, if this doesn't have the boys lining up, I'll be a contestant on the Bachelor.  Or I'll look into cat adoption.  Or maybe join a convent.  OR I can just live my life as I have been living it thus far.  Being single ain't that bad.  And you know what, I don't think God is mad at me for being single.  I have a lot to look forward to in my future.  I have tons of adventures waiting.  (And I'm only 24, so I have years and years and years.)

A Few Items of Business

I have a few items of business that I would like to bring to the attention of my beloved fans.  Actually, did you know that I have zero fans?  Provo apartments just have air conditioning.  Weird.  And I don't have a personal portable fan either.  Besides the point.  I want to bring a few things to your attention.  And I want to get your input.  It is valuable to me.

First, my brother added a subscribe button to my blog.  It's to the left and under my picture and name.  If you subscribe, you will get emails from my blog instead of having to check Facebook just to see if I have written anything.  Just joking, you probably check Facebook for other reasons too.

Second, I would like you to comment on this post in response to two questions.  1. What has been your favorite post and why?  2. What topics would you like to see more of?

Third, I hosted a game a few years ago.  It involved eating lunch (of another meal) with me, and if the contestant laughed at anything I said or did, the contestant lost.  If you would be interested in having a reboot of that game and in participating, let me know.  You can comment here or on Facebook or on Instagram or email or text.  Whichever way you think would be best.

That's it.  There isn't a rant from me today; I just want to know what has been blessing your life in this blog.

And just for a random picture, here is a screenshot of a prompt from Facebook:

Pretending That I'm Not

I've been chastened a lot lately due to my inability to socialize.  Okay, I don't think that's really what people think they are chastening me about.  It's because I am a super negative person and can always find something negative about myself.  I pretend that I'm not any good (when I'm around people).  I pretend to be less.  And pretending to be less gets me into a bit of trouble; I have been told to fix a few things: my attitude, my perception, my pride, etc.

In my journey to being "fixed," I tried to figure out what the root of my social ineptness was. And because I love my abnormal psychology book and unofficially diagnosing everyone with something, I turned to that.  I sometimes pretend that I have ADHD-Inattentive, but that's because I never know where anything is.  Like the other morning when I picked up my car keys and then suddenly didn't have them when I was halfway to my car.  Which I wasn't actually halfway to my car because I had also forgotten where that was.  But that isn't even what I get chastened for.  Back to being social.

I decided that my closest diagnosis would be Avoidant Personality Disorder:

• Avoids occupational activities that involve significant interpersonal contact, because of fears of criticism, disapproval, or rejection
• Is unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked
• Shows restraint within intimate relationships because of the fear of being shamed or ridiculed
• Is preoccupied with being criticized or rejected in social situations
• Is inhibited in new interpersonal situations because of feelings of inadequacy
• Regards herself as socially inept, personally unappealing, or inferior to others
• Is usually reluctant to take personal risks or to engage in any new activities because they may prove embarrassing

Of which I mostly just don't meet the first symptom.  All the others perfectly describe how I feel and/or what I do.  However, there isn't much on how it is treated.  The book mentions that it has similar symptoms to Social Anxiety Disorder, which uses exposure therapy.  I guess I have to be social.

So, I want to say that I am working on things.  And I want to apologize to everyone who has been in contact with me for the last month.  I have complained a lot about my calling because it brings up all of my issues and has sent me into despair every Sunday for the last few months.  I have done really well during the weeks that I just pretended that I didn't have a calling.  But, it's all in my head.  I also apologize for apologizing because I know that makes people even more irritated with me.

Okay, now to get to the positive of this post because I try to end all my posts with something positive or at least something that I think is comical.  Because of my social ineptness, my life has been filled with social experiments.  So, I recently sent out a survey.  (You should also start expecting a lot of social experiments with my "exposure therapy.")  The actual reason I sent this survey out is because I try to find reasons why boys shouldn't want to date me and height has been a recurring theme.  Despite some of you believing that I fear boys, I actually talk to boys all the time.  My roommate says that I'm a player, but I think she's wrong.  I think she is the player.  Sorry; tangents.  From my conversations with boys, I have heard, "the shorter the better," "Five-Seven or shorter," "Nothing shorter than five-nine," "five-eleven," and on.  Mostly, there is this gap between five-seven and five-nine, which just so happens to be where I fit.  So, I give that as a reason why boys shouldn't want to date me.  I pretend that I'm not what people would like.  

I sent out a survey.  Below is a graph of the heights guys like of girls.  Let's just say I have been proven wrong.

P.S. I apologize for anyone offended by my unofficial diagnosing.  I don't have these disorders.  Or at least I never go to find out.  I mostly wanted to unofficial diagnose myself with APD because I feel the therapy that is tied to that would be very beneficial to my personality and thought processes.  I don't mean to make a mock of any diagnoses. 

Shoe Shopping

Shopping is something I do not enjoy.  Grocery shopping is okay because I get food from it, even though my roommates still have to encourage and prod me to go.  Clothes shopping is a not okay but can be over quickly.  Shoe shopping is utterly the worst.  There is no contest on how depressing shoe shopping can and will be.

As my sister starts telling me that my shoes are too ratty or as I realize that I really at some point have to get boots for the winter, I start to mentally prepare myself for the fact that I must go shoe shopping.  I put it off for a few days, and then weeks, and maybe a few months.  And then I set a day that I absolutely have to go to the store by.  And then that day passes.  I must go.  But I don't want to.

Finally the day arises that I have enough courage to take on the daunting task.  I look up multiple shoe stores in the area and decide on going to the store that will most likely carry my size and the type of shoe first, so I don't have to go to more than one store if possible.  I head to the store.

As I walk up to the store, I know they won't have what I am looking for.  My mood starts depressing before making it inside.  However, I must do this.  I am a grown woman, or so I am told, and must face this.  Bravely.  I mean, let's think about this.  What kind of woman doesn't love shoes?  What kind of woman doesn't love shopping for accessories such as these?  This girl.  But I enter the store because I know I have to.

I try to keep my small chunk of hope as I walk toward the type of shoes that I need.  Luckily, there are seven options for the shoe type.  I find the one that I love the best.  And the largest size they have is 10.  Okay, there are six more options.  I go to the next best option.  Largest size is 9.  And then, the hope fades but tries to hold on because I need this.  I need new shoes.  I look through all the good options to no avail.  And then, the ugliest, most frivolous, most out of my price range has my size: the dreaded 11.  I try them on just because.  I know I'm not going to get them because they are the most impractical things I have ever laid eyes on.  Well, not the most.  I see lots of impractical stuff all the time.

So, I go to the next store.  I head to the section that is my size.  It's just a bunch of ugly old lady shoes.  And I already get made fun of for my grandma swimsuit, so I don't purchase anything.  I check the men's section though.  By the way, men's shoes are more comfortable than women's shoes.  Sometimes I am tempted to just buy men's shoes only.  I will have the cutest shoes at church.

The next store.  Nothing.

The next store.  I end up with a size 12 in the type of shoe I needed 8 months ago because the size 11 is just a little smaller for this brand.

The next store still doesn't have my size.  So, my hope has finally died.  My face no longer shines any light of happiness.  And I hold back the tears that threaten to flow.  (Just kidding, it's just one tear.)  I leave the store in misery.  I look miserable.  People tell me to smile.  And I resent them.  I'm done.  I want no part of this anymore.

And so it is that I stick with my nasty pair of $6 shoes that my sister tells me I need to, have to toss.

No thank you, I'd rather not go through that again.  But I know I'll have to in about six months.

Quotes of the Year

Emmett: What if I got married this year?
Cami: That would take a miracle.
Emmett: (slightly offended gasp)
Cami: What if I got married this year?
Emmett: THAT would take a miracle.
Cami: Yep, it will take a miracle for me to get married at all.


Cami talking about a trip that would be a year long starting in July.
Cami:  But what if I meet someone in the next 6 months and we want to get married?  Actually, that'll never happen.
Emmett sings: Miracles happen once in a while.


Cami: I talk to too many people.
Liz: Why?
Cami: People start getting ideas that I'm friendly.


Liz heard me start brushing my teeth but didn't realize who it was.
Liz: Bethany, you already brushed your teeth tonight.
Cami: Despite what you may believe, I do brush my teeth sometimes.


Emmett buying a plane ticket to go to Ian's wedding: "I was like who needs money anyways and pressed confirm."


Cami: I'm single and ready to eat a Pringle.


Cami: On February 14th, while everybody is celebrating ucky yucky stuff, I'll be celebrating Arizona's birthday.
Liz: Can you say that again?
Cami: While everybody is celebrating ucky yucky stuff, I'll be celebrating Arizona's birthday.
Liz: And how old are we?


Cami: Someday I will have nothing, and it will be the best day of my life.


Cami: Sometimes my desire to make people feel uncomfortable exceeds my ability to be socially acceptable.


Emmett: I only buy syrup if it's in the shape of old ladies.


One of the roommates saw a mouse in the apartment:

Student E: What's your favorite color of the alphabet?

Student K: Seven!

Cherise: We're going to help you get better clothes.

Cami: Yeah, looking at the outfits I pick every week, I think in my subconscious I like looking homeless on weekends.

Zac: I like your skirt.

Cami: I don't.

Zac: It's cute.

Cami: I don't like things that are cute.

Zac: You better take care; someone might try to ask you out.

Cami: They already tried that.

Chuck: You didn't happen to see how many calories they had?

Cami: No, I don't count calories.

Chuck: Then what do you do?

Cami: I eat them.

When my visiting teachers were coming over:

In a game, Student A had one life left and was asking other students to give him life.

Cami: Just die.

Student E: You're a staff. You're not supposed to say things like that.

Cami: It's a game.

Student E: Life is a game.

Cami: Life is a game.

Student E: It's a dumb game.

Cami: It's a game where you can get too many babies and push them out of the car.

Student E: How did you ever get to be staff here?

Cami: I don't know.

Liz: What are you looking at?

Cami: Volcano surfing

Cami: Someday, some awesome man will sweep me off my feet, and I'll be like, "Don't touch me."

Conversation about me moving

Anna: I need six dogs and a sassy gay friend.

Cami: Is that what it takes to replace me?

Caitlin: That's a giant mum.

Cami (in a badly mimicked English accent): I don't have a mum.

Taio Cruz: I'm wearing all my favorite brands.

Cami: Do I even have favorite brands? . . . Of cereal, yes.

Kolby trying to make a joke: Why did the four beatles cross the road?

Cami: To make an album cover.

Cami: Do you need some watermelon earrings?

Cherise: No.  Do you need watermelon earrings?

Cami: No one needs watermelon earrings.

Cherise: A truer thing has never been said.

Cami: Boys with motorcycles are wasted on girls who are afraid.

Cami: It smells like sweet.

Emmett: Yeah, I like it.

Cami: It smells like I inhaled sugar into my lungs and it burned.

Carson: We have the strangest relationship.  I think you are so funny, but at the same time, I am terrified of you.

Zac: I've been trying to figure out what to get for my mom for Christmas. 

Cami: I just don't get my mom anything.

Zac: Freaking Cami

Cami: I can't resist the temptation any longer.

Livia: Before you know it, you'll be smoking.

(Conversation about my needing to use the restroom)

About Jimmy John's

Cherise: It sounds like a large, sweaty man.

Emmett: It sounds like someone pooped in their overalls.

Cami: Get up.  You can take a nap after the race.

Griffin: No, chicken nuggets are food.

Griffin making the cat have squinty eyes: Now it's an Asian cat.

Cami: It's a Siamese cat; it's already an Asian cat.

Conversation about dating people in the same ward as you.

Cami: People say that they don't want to pee in the pool.  I think I should pee in the pool a lot more.

Livia: Do it.  The pool needs your pee.

After having new blinds for a week

Elise: Who already broke the blinds?

Cami: Uhh, that was me.

Johanna: Why is there tape in our tree?

Cami: It's an ornament.

Johanna: Who put the cockroach on the door?

Silence

Johanna: It was you Cami, wasn't it?

Cami: Maybe

Cami: And she gave him a package of oreos.

Emmett: Which is good because my love language is oreos.

Cami: Sometimes I look at myself and say, "I look okay."

Livia: Sometimes our brains play tricks on us.

Cami: I just got called sir at the grocery store.  And today was a day I actually thought I looked like a girl.

For They Did Feed Me

Matt 25:35 "For I was an hungered, and ye gave me meat"

If the gift to be fed was a spiritual gift, it would definitely be mine.  I wanted to give thanks to all the people who have fed me over the last few years.  I have been blessed with many a roommate that loves cooking.  I have been a grateful beneficiary of this cooking.  Thank you to all my roommates that have been willing to feed me or take me to the homes of your families to have dinner.

I have had family members feed me.  My cousins and siblings that have lived near me have fed me often.  And I have had many large packages come my way from an aunt who is eager to feed anyone.  She loves food and loves to share food.  For this, I have been quite thankful.

I have had concerned Bishops and ward members that have been willing to feed me.  I think I have already shared this, but once upon a time a Bishop of mine would always ask a few boys in the ward and me to finish off food at ward events.  I was well-fed during those days.  I also sometimes go to ward events and am fed.

Lastly, I have been blessed with jobs that give me food.  I get to eat dinner with the kids that I work with.  I have had some good meals because of this.

Thank you everyone for feeding me during my dreary college years.  I much appreciate the good that you have done in my life.

Just Because I was Born Second

Pick one of the below.  Any will work.  They pretty much all say the same thing.

https://www.facebook.com/9NewsPerth/videos/1834161389929346/

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/science/science-news/5241774/Second-born-children-really-are-more-rebellious-study-confirms.html

https://www.simplemost.com/study-finds-second-born-children-likely-criminals/?partner=scripps&partner-sub=KNXV&utm_source=facebook&utm_medium=partner&utm_campaign=scripps&utm_content=KNXV

I'm gonna be a criminal.  Basically that is what all these articles say.  And you're probably thinking, "Cami, you already are a criminal.  You are a troublemaker and impish."  You're right; I am mischievous and cause many a problem.  I was once told that I caused half of the trouble in the house (and I was only 1/7th of the people living in that house).  But just because I'm bad, doesn't mean that I can't be useful.

How to Utilize the Second Child

1. If you want to put someone in a headlock, just choose the second child.  Chances are they deserve it anyway.

2.  If you want to shoot something, the second child has probably already made himself/herself an easy target.  They're just waiting for it.

3.  If you have a dumb idea but don't want to look like a fool, just tell the second child to do it.

4. Need to look cool?  Just take your awkward younger sister.  She don't got shades.  She don't have nice, wind-swept hair.  You lookin' fly.

5.  The second child is good for blaming terrible pictures on because she started that chain of terrible faces.  She probably taught the other kids just how to ruin pictures.  Also, I can't help laughing whenever I see this picture.  It's just so terrible.

6. The second child is also good at not matching.  Then your family pictures don't look too uniform.

7. Second siblings are also good to do 5Ks with because then you always have someone slower than you, and you don't look as in terrible shape because your face isn't as red as hers.

8.  Everyone needs that person that makes them look good in pictures.  The second child is great at helping people look more intelligent and put together.

9.  Also, if you need someone to push down a mountain, second children can be fairly resilient.  How do you think they get away with so much?  They just live for forever.  Also, another picture where the second child just looks a little more stupid.

10.  In the end, I think the first child actually likes the second child.  They get along okay.  The first may have better grades and a better job and better income, but the second provides a lot of comic relief.  When the first child needs someone to listen to her, the second child is usually there.

P.S. Both of my parents are the second child, so I think the whole lot of us were bound to be criminal.