How to Live a Hallmark Holiday Movie . . . But Only the Awkward Parts

Guys! I have been working at my job for a year now. This is huge! (Please don't say that in Trump voice.) I haven't been at the same place for a year since 2016. Let me tell ya that it's been an adventure since graduating with my undergraduate degree. Life does not go as expected. I wanted to do something big for this achievement because it has felt like it wouldn't ever happen again. So, here's my story, kind of like a Hallmark Holiday movie, but only the awkward parts. Sorry for any typos in advance. It's basically a novel.

Severely Poor Attempt at a Hallmark Holiday Movie Cover

Holiday #1

This story opens on a single, slightly down on her luck, mid-20s female who recently moved back to her home state and moved in with her dad, stepmom, and some younger siblings. It's the beginning of November in Arizona, so people aren't wearing all the cute winter coats, but they are starting to wear pants instead of shorts.

"Cami, can you pick up the kids from school? I have a previous engagement at that time," Cami's stepmother asked one afternoon.

"Uh, I guess, but I have job interview right after. But, I can probably make it on time," Cami replied hesitantly and with lots of second guessing going on in her brain. It was probably visible on her face that she was unsure if she would actually make it to the interview on time.

"Thanks! There's no way I can be in both places at once."

"Uh, yeah. You're welcome."

Stepmother exited the doorway of the bedroom Cami was sharing with her 15-year-old brother. Cami then bent over her small suitcase to find an outfit that would be at least slightly acceptable for an interview. She steamed the outfit to get out the wrinkles, hurriedly changed, and hopped in the family mini van to go retrieve the high schoolers.

Cami's two brothers were already waiting on the curb and hopped in the car as soon as Cami pulled up.

"How was school today?"

"Mmmm," grunted brother #1.

"Okay," said brother #2.

"Okay," Cami responded. She didn't ask any more questions because she knew that the answers would be similar. The brothers and Cami sat in the car not speaking for a few minutes until younger sister showed up and got in the car. Cami dropped off the younger siblings back at home and zoomed away (well as fast as Cami ever goes, which is usually the speed limit). 

The interview was for an assisted living center. Most of Arizona's Recreation Therapy jobs tend to be with geriatric populations. The interview went well, and Cami was able to answer all of the questions confidently. They had a good chat; however, the employer was hesitant because all of Cami's experience up to this point was in adolescent mental health. Cami didn't end up getting the job or ever even hearing back from the company.

After several job applications, interviews, and rejections, Cami applied for some temporary, holiday jobs because you know, 'tis the season. After being rejected for several of those jobs as well, Cami finally got an interview for a sportswear retail position. During the interview, the interviewer didn't ask many questions and kept giving signs that they were desperate, including stating that they were desperate and still needed several holiday positions filled. Cami then left with a job.

About a week later, Cami started the job on Thanksgiving afternoon. Cami had zero training and was told just to return clothes to their original spot after they were moved or put in the dressing room area. Cami was flustered and was following around a lady who had already tried on seven coats and put the coats in random spots as well as the hangers. It's a good thing Cami likes to play hide and seek with hangers because she got to do a lot of that during the evening. As Cami was rushing around in a flustered, semi-spastic manner, she bumped into a male customer, about 6 foot tall, dark hair, and gorgeous smile.

"I am so sorry," apologized Cami, "I was in such a rush, I didn't see you walk over here."

"That's alright," grinned the handsome man.

Cami gazed into his eyes a few seconds too long. The handsome man just smiled back.

"Oh! Is there anything I can help you find? I can give you information about lots of ski jackets, rain jackets, or fleece items."

"No that's alright. I'm actually just here with a friend who's getting stuff together for a trip he's doing next week. He thought he could get some good deals for Black Friday."

"Yeah, but it's not even Friday yet," Cami responded a little too quickly and a little too judgmentally. Then she added, "I mean, there are lots of deals going on right now. The best deals are on our fleece items today. And tomorrow, we'll have more deals on our ski gear. If you do have any questions, let me or another associate know. We'll help you find what you need."

As Cami walked back to the women's coat area to hang up the miscellaneous scattered coats, she smiled and thought about the man's beautiful deep brown eyes. Little did Cami know, she would see that man again later that week randomly at the park. And then they would start seeing each other a lot, and they would have a wonderful holiday romance.

Just kidding, none of that stuff with the handsome man happened. Cami just ran around super flustered and irritated with the lady who wouldn't stop hiding the hangers. If this was a Hallmark movie, that would be where the guy made his debut. But he didn't. Just some annoying ladies who tried to tell the staff they could use seven discount codes at a time.

When Cami got back home that evening, she trudged up the stairs, into the bedroom, and flopped on the bed. She asked her brother how Thanksgiving evening was.

"Mm," responded brother #1, "How was working?"

"Mm," responded Cami.

Cami changed into PJs and brushed her teeth. She and brother #1 read scriptures silently and separately on their respective beds. Once they were both done reading scriptures and saying prayers, they turned off the light and went to bed. They slept soundly and rose to another day.

In the morning, Cami got up and went to work again for actual Black Friday. It was about the same as the night before, but now she had one shift's experience. Cami continued to work at that job throughout the holiday season. She spent Christmas with her family and played in a Christmas orchestra. The temporary, holiday job ended in January, and Cami got to go live with her sister for a few months. Later that year, she got a job as a Recreation Therapist at a Residential Treatment Center for adolescents.

Holiday #2

Cami had worked at the Residential Treatment Center for about 5-6 months when she stopped by her aunt's house on her way home from work in early November. Cami always loved visiting with family, and Auntie always wanted to feed anyone who came over. Cami and Auntie talked over some burritos and chips and salsa.

"How is work going these days?" asked Auntie.

"It's okay. Today was rough. The cops were already at the facility before I showed up today. It's been getting really bad lately. Usually the cops come sometime while I'm at work, but they were already there before me today. We just don't have the staff power to handle the kids. All the staff are temps from some third party company, and they don't know what they're doing."

"Is there any way you can get more staff? And get them trained quickly?"

"Not really. No one wants to work there because the management is so bad. I want to get a new job. I think I'm going to give myself until January 15 to find a new one."

"Are you still looking to do the same kind of thing?"

"Yeah, I still like working with adolescents and in mental health. It's just this facility is awful. I really want to just start my own business. I would love to create a private practice, where I treat the family as a whole rather than just one or two individuals."

"That would be amazing. I'm sure people would love to come do Recreation Therapy with you and their families. You're so fun and have a way of sharing truths with people in a nonthreatening way." Auntie was always reassuring and liberal with compliments. She has something good to say about everyone.

Cami headed home after the dinner and talk, ready to start applying to jobs again. She hopped on her job application profile and looked at all the saved jobs and job applications from the year before. If only applying to jobs got you money, Cami would have made bank over the last two years. Cami applied to one or two jobs that night and went to bed. She had to get up early for a mandatory meeting for all staff at her job the next morning.

The next morning, she woke up and headed to work, hours before her actual start time. She made it to the mandatory meeting, dreading the long day ahead. A bunch of higher ups were in the meeting. People she had never met but had seen their names on emails to the whole company. The supervisor over this particular facility started the meeting:

"About a year ago, this program was taken in by our parent company to try to save it. We have been working hard over the last year to make positive changes to this program. We've changed schedules and created new positions. We've hired experienced professionals. Today, however, we are sad to say that this program still just isn't cutting it. This program will be closing on the 1st of December and then will be reopened as a different program early next year. We have no need for any of the staff in this program unless you are in a Director position. If you choose to leave before the final day, we ask for notice as quickly as possible. If not, your last day is the 1st of December. HR is here all week for any questions you may have. And we give our best wishes as the holidays approach."

And then the meeting was over. Cami walked to her office with a sense of relief and the realization that this was an easy out. However, this meant she was walking into a holiday season unemployed and struggling to find work. Good thing she had started applying to jobs the night before. This was Cami's chance to start that business that she had been thinking about for a few years. She now had all the time in the world because she wasn't going to have a job in a month. (Which also meant she would no longer have insurance. They don't mention that in Hallmark movies.) Cami had been designing and re-designing her business idea. She was even doing an online Masters program focusing on Recreation Management and how to develop a business plan.

If this was a Hallmark movie, this is the part where Cami would volunteer to help with some big family activity for someone in the community. Some random lady would see that Cami can do great activity planning and implementation and then ask for Cami to do an event for her family, becoming the first customer in Cami's new Family Recreation Therapy business. However, Cami just continued to do her graduate classes and apply to jobs.

Holiday #3

Cami had been working for about 7 months for an adult day center. She was enjoying the less stressful environment due to not working with adolescent mental health. She was not enjoying the more stressful environment due to a virus that had created a pandemic across the globe and the new precautions instituted in the company. The attendance had been increasingly low due to the virus, and the center had closed for about 6 months, during which Cami and the other staff had to do online activities for their seniors and participants with Traumatic Brain Injury. They also had helped with re-painting the center and putting together new tables. At this point (the beginning of November), the center was open again.

Cami was attending to one of the participants.

"You know what we should do with this apple juice?!" exclaimed Participant and then continued with several reassuring nods, "We should let it sit out and make moonshine. I have ingredients that we can add to it to do so. Just give me the word, and I will help make it for everyone."

Cami responded, "We don't make that here. We're not gonna make any of your alcoholic beverages. I don't know what kind of establishment you think this is."

"Okay, we can keep it on the down low, and we have to tell anyone that we're making moonshine," suggested the participant.

"How about you just drink your apple juice? I'm sure that's also a good idea."

"Well, it was worth a shot." Participant went back to eating his lunch, and Cami walked away to go help another participant.

As Cami was walking away, her supervisor pulled her to the side and said, "We have a mandatory meeting for all of the day centers in our company. It's at 3:00, so the last 30 minutes of your shift will be in the meeting. Don't worry about staffing, the nurse and the receptionist will still be in here to take care of everyone. They'll take care of snack and cleaning up."

At 3:00pm, Cami and the rest of the staff (besides the nurse and receptionist) went to the large office for the meeting. At this point, Cami could already guess what was happening. The company had been struggling to continue providing services for their fewer and fewer participants. Cami knew this was the end. The group was told that the center would be closed for real this time with no intention to open it anytime soon. All participants would be going to one central day center, which was not the one Cami was working at, so she was entering another unemployed holiday season. Good thing she always had her job search site handy with saved jobs she might apply to.

Cami faced a few decisions. She had graduated that summer with her Master's degree and with a completed business plan. The hard part about deciding to start your own business is that you need money. And Cami did not have money. And another thing that Hallmark movies don't show when their lovely, blissful protagonists finally get their happy ending is TAXES. Taxes are so hard to figure out for a new sole proprietor business. You have to just guess, and if you guess too high, you don't have money to eat. And if you guess too low, you are penalized. So, it's cool. As Cami thought of her options, she applied to a job that evening. She faced the option of starting her own business for real this time.

A week later, Cami had an interview with the one job that she applied to and got the job. She started the week before Thanksgiving. There was no break between the two jobs. In fact, she had to use three days of PTO from her old job to cover the three days that the center was open, but Cami was in training for her new job.

Holiday #4

That job was as a Recreation Therapist at a mental health hospital. Cami has now been working that job for a year. She enjoys her job. There's a bit of stress with the content of the job; but she is doing well. This year, she did not enter the holiday season unemployed. She didn't get the boy like in the Hallmark movies. And she didn't start her business. But she has a job, so she's happy about that. She did run a Turkey Trot on Thanksgiving morning. She got first place for women in her age bracket (19-29). So, she did win a contest of sorts (which is a very Hallmark movie thing to do). She was, however, the only woman in her age bracket (which is the "but only the awkward part"). 

Throughout the four years, of course there were also the awkward parts of family members telling the protagonist what she's doing wrong in dating. Hallmark movies at least get that awkward part right. And that, my friends, is how you live a Hallmark holiday movie, but only the awkward parts. 

If you made it all the way through, I am so sorry and hopefully enjoyed some of it. As a reward, here's another picture that I took while trying to get a good picture for the movie cover. I tried to do my best Hallmark hair curl. I don't do hair, so that's that. I was also really getting into the 90s kid school pictures, so here is my favorite.

Happy Holidays everyone! I hope you have a job, or are secure with money and insurance. The Hallmark movies really don't talk about insurance, which has given me grief over the last few years. I hope you have a great holiday season and that you have peace and hope. God is good and takes care of us. If this is a season of trial, my heart goes out to you. Holidays can be hard. If you need someone to talk to, I am an open ear. I love all y'all.

Compelled to Be Humble

I am a very capable person. "Here goes narcissistic Cami again," say the two people who read this blog. I'm not saying that I'm absolutely terrific at everything. That's not even close. What I mean is that I am okay at a lot of things, and I'm a quick learner. If someone needs me to do something, I can learn pretty quickly and do a semi-decent job. And I can do a lot of things semi-decently. I don't know a lot about anything, but I know a little about a lot of things.

Sometimes this capability combined with an overwhelming fear that I am a burden on everyone I meet means I do things on my own. All the time. I am not good at asking for help. And I exacerbate that by trying to help others. All the time. I can't be a burden on people if I'm helping, right?

Wrong.

Just kidding, I just wanted to say that. Well, actually sometimes people are burdensome when they are trying to help. But that's not really the point I want to make today.

I find a lot of purpose in my being able to help people. Because without helping others, I'm not much else. And even if people don't like me, I can at least make a small difference in their lives. Within the last month, an overwhelming inability to help people has come to my attention. I have several areas of my life where I am literally powerless. I have family members, friends, and even myself who need help in some way or another, and am absolutely of no use. Nothing I do can change some things. And it hurts. It's a hard truth. As one of my co-workers says often, "Truth hurts with Cami." (I'm am a little too well-known for being blunt and telling people how it is.)

My purpose is to help people. And I can't. Which is really, really awful. I've cried a tear or two almost every day for three weeks. But it was at the most inconvenient times, so I had to truncate the tears. Funny story, there was one group I was in where another therapist said something hurtful to me. Since we wear masks, I cried one tear that just dripped down my cheek into my mask, so no one could see it. And it's just so funny to think about now, but I only allowed my one tear and then tried to stifle the sniffling. My nose runs so bad when I cry. So bad. I'm pretty sure my crying actually comes out of my nose more than my eyes. Anyway, this has been a fun tangent. Short story: It has been a long and rough month with things that I can't help with or control piling up and compounding. So I finally just cried and cried.

I was "compelled to be humble" as Alma 32 talks about. I couldn't just be humble on my own; I had to have everything pile up and then sit on the floor crying for an hour to really let it go. And I had to hear in General Conference that I need to give my whole soul to Christ and that the Lord will help me more than I can help myself. I have to give it all--all of it, everything, my whole self--to the Lord. I have been okay at giving some of it to the Lord, even all parts of a few aspects of my life to the Lord. But it's not enough. I literally don't have power on my own.

I can't do a lot of things. I can't take away people's anxieties or depressions. I can't take away people's desires to kill themselves. I can't make anyone accept the Atonement of Jesus Christ. I can't make any of the boys I like, like me back. I can't make someone talk to me. I can't make anyone stop abusing anyone else. And the list goes on and on. I can't do a lot of things.

Jesus can. I don't know what He will. But He can. And He will do more than I can. So I have to give everything up, not just a little bit. Give all of it.

In light of not being able to do stuff, I call the series below "Cami Trying Something New and Not Knowing What She's Doing." The backstory is that I was trying to involve more movement/dance (granted very simple dance--or so I thought) into my Recreation Therapy. And this was me recording myself to see what moves I liked and trying to decide how I would put the moves together. These shots are in the middle of several moves that I tried. I have not run this new group idea with any patients yet. It's a work in progress.

THANK YOU!

Hi! My name is Cami. And on this blog, I am known for sharing about some of my social experiments. If you received a QR code that led you to this blog post, that means one or two of two things. That means that you have directly impacted my life for good and/or have impacted the life of someone who has impacted my life for good. Either way, you have impacted my life for good. I hope you know that you are awesome!

Here are some fun facts about me, specifically in relation to this "social experiment." I work in mental healthcare and have been for almost 6 years. I work with people who are at wit's end and are struggling to find hope to continue on in their journey. Sometimes, I get a little down after working every day in this type of environment. And it's a little draining to continue smiling on days that are hard, on days where kids yell at you, on days where you are bad with words, etc. 

The brain is malleable. We can change our brains to think more positively. It takes lots of time and effort, but it's possible. The purpose of this social experiment was to encourage myself to think more positively and to share that positivity with others around me. Saying "thank you" is one of the easiest ways I have found to change my perspective and goodness to others' lives. Several times, I have merely jotted down 3-5 things that I am thankful for each day in my journal. This time I wanted to share my gratitude.

So for this social experiment, I want you to continue to spread the gratitude. Share thanks with others and continue to share this post. I would love if you would comment about your experience. Who sent you a "thank you"? Who are you grateful for? How do you plan to continue to share positivity? What are some of your ideas? (Because I love hearing others' ideas to help me continue as well.) Who is someone who has truly influenced your life positively?

Time for More Quotes

Hey guys! Here are the quotes from May to August of this year. Some of them might be funny. I think I'm way funnier than I actually am. (Also, lots of quotes I write down because the other people involved laughed a lot.) Maybe some of you will enjoy something in here.

Talking about the Buzz Lightyear ride at Disneyland
Griffin: I don't like the line 'cause it smells like Buzz crack.
(I was told this was an old joke, but I laughed too hard when I heard it this time.)

Griffin: It gives you Diabetes 3.

Cami: Can you sing the whole song while breathing in?

Cami, Sabrina, and Kenzie proceed to say/sing random stuff while breathing in

Emmett: How much space is on this computer?

Cami: I would guess about 20 inches.

Emmett rolls his eyes

(It was only 18.5 inches.)

Cami: My roommates have boys, but I have pockets that my Book of Mormon can fit in.

Cami: Neither of my roommates ate a piece, so I had to eat all the cheesecake by myself.

Cami: Someone lost a lot of sandpaper. And that's rough.

Emmett: One of these years, in like 30 years, we should...

Lady at WDW to her kid: Yes, this is where the dragon farted on you.

Cami: The best picture was you picking your bum.

Emmett: I was putting trash in my pocket.

WDW trip

Sabrina: Oh it's the sterile popcorn.

Cami: Did you say sterile popcorn?

[Pause]

Sabrina: What's the word?

Cami: Stale.

Sabrina: I need to go to bed.

Cami: Well at least we know it's clean or can't have children.

Cami: I'm such an introvert, and it hurts sometimes.

Cami: You can't eat yellow snow, but the brown snow is fine. Bad tips with Cami.

Cami: It's a good thing people don't complain about womanspreading because I do it all the time.

Katie: What are Grape Nuts?

Cami: They're bran turds.

My dad to my older sister:

Cami when she saw the birthday sign: Well... that's lame.

Cami: Two-thirds of my sentences are...

[Long pause and no one can remember the last third of the sentence]

Making dinner

Sarah: I think it's done, and I hope it's good.

When my coworker and I were talking about the construction going on in our building

Cami: And then they deleted the bathroom.

While making a bunch of small, ugly dolls for a prank

Cami: When the Prophet said, "God loves effort," is this what he meant?

Kenzie: That's the funniest thing I've heard all day.

My coworker, busting into the office: I didn't even poop!

Sabrina: It all started when she made me a diaper.

Talking about turning 45

Coworker: What?! Cami, you still have like 85 years to go.

Patient: Bye despicable lady.

Cami: Bye less despicable adolescent.

Talking about my uncle in Australia

Aunt: Do you have his number?

Cami: Does he have an iphone?

Aunt: Well, it's a weird number.

Cami: [Pause] Does he have an iphone?

Music Changes My Life

I have a fun story for all y'all. I come from a very talented family, and being the easily distracted wild child that I am, I have always been just mediocre. As a teenager, my family tried to get me to play the organ. My grandma played, and my aunt plays, and my sister plays. I refused because it was just another thing for me to be mediocre at, especially compared to family. So, I touched an organ probably three times without  playing anything at all. My poor grandma and older sister had to deal with my being a booger while my grandma tried to teach the both of us. But I refused.

God saw and said, "Ha ha ha, watch this."

And as an 18-year-old, I was made the organist in my college ward. And I have now played the organ in four of my wards in the last 10 years. So, moral of the story is God's got jokes.

Besides my rise to mediocrity in organism (hahahaha, yes!), okay in organ playing, music has become an interesting tool in my life. I never thought as a child that I would go far with music. And really I haven't, but it's one of my talents that has gotten me to different places. Music is one of those things that I have used to express my emotions and to soothe my emotions. Music is meant to make you feel. And music is meant to help you heal.

2018 Christmas Concert

I have been feeling lonely quite a bit lately. And I'm terrible at asking for a friend. So the other day I turned on my Christmas music. Sometimes I say Christmas music is my favorite as a joke.  (It's not a joke.) And, guess what! The song that came on was "He is Born" by David Archuleta.  The last verse says,

Stepping down from Heaven's throne

To show us that we're not alone

The truest love, a single light

The Son of God, Christmas Night.

I have had many experiences, too many to count, where music was the way God spoke to me. Sometimes it has been just the right message at the right time. Sometimes it has been a specific verse from a favorite hymn coming to my mind. Sometimes it has been the warm feeling everyone talks about during a hymn. Sometimes it has been playing piano is the only thing to calm me down. Sometimes it's playing a piece over and over again with several mistakes and the best version being at the meeting it has been prepared for. God has sent angels to help me with my music. I'm still not super great, but music has helped me find the beauty in the world and come closer to God.

I'm thankful for all the times I have been able to serve in church through music. It's been one of the biggest ways I have worked in church since I was 12. And most likely it will be how I continue to work in the church. Luckily, I have learned a few things over the years and am better than I was as a 14-year-old doing random stuff on the Seminary piano. Humility comes quickly to those who must play in front of everybody.

God speaks to us individually. How does God speak to you?

Okay, one last fun story. My first year playing the organ, I played the three verses of the song and then sat at the organ waiting for the person who was designated to come up and say the prayer. I just sat there for 15-20 seconds, and then I looked at the chorister. She whispered, "There's a fourth verse." I said, "Sorry!" and continued with the fourth verse. The congregation sung the fourth verse and then the prayer person came up. One of the bishopric members shared that story throughout the rest of the year and would tell the congregation, "Most of the time, we just need people who are willing to say, 'Sorry,' and then keep on going." I became a great lesson to that ward. As stated above, humility comes quickly when you're in front of everybody.

Miracles Great and Unexpected

This morning I was listening to Ronald Rasband's talk "Behold! I Am a God of Miracles." I listened with a particular miracle in mind that I have been praying for for a while. And Elder Rasband said, "Through faith, the miracle will come, though not necessarily on our timetable or with the resolution we desired. Does that mean we are less than faithful or do not merit His intervention? No. We are beloved of the Lord. He gave His life for us, and His Atonement continues to release us from burdens and sin as we repent and draw close to Him."

He continued to share a few examples of how people have received miracles that they were not expecting or received a different miracle than what they had hoped. Among these examples was an example of those who mocked Christ to come off the cross, which he could have done and would have been a miracle. The greater miracle was the fact that He stayed on that cross and suffered death, so that all humans could live again and be free of the sins and stains of this world. It was a much greater miracle than what the people taunted.

The day I get married will be a miracle. Nothing short of Divine miraculous wonder will be the day I get married. And I pray for that miracle. In the past few years though, I have found that my not being married is actually more miraculous than if I currently were married. It hurts sometimes, but I know that it is the will of God. I thought of the miracles I have seen in the last few years. I want to share a few things that have happened. And this might be very personal to some of the people who read my blog, but I want to let you know that I have been truly blessed because of you.

I have been told an inordinate number of times in my life that I was either the reason someone did not kill themselves or was the reason they were glad that their attempts were not successful. I have had the opportunity to be there at times when people were seriously contemplating killing themselves. This has happened in my work and in my personal life. And in many of these cases, if I were married, I most likely would not have been there for those people. Maybe someone else could have or would have been there, but for some reason God let me. And I'm so glad that He did.

I have seen so many of these friends, family, and patients continue with life and have greater joys come into their life because they continued on. And I have received so much joy from them. I am able to see several of you experience the great happinesses and adventures that life has to offer, and because of that I also receive happiness.

So as Rasband's talk wrapped up, I found myself standing in front of my bathroom mirror crying. I stared at the crazy-haired girl that sometimes feels aimless and wishes for different circumstances, and I realized that I was a miracle. I, a single girl, am a miracle. And I just stared and cried and realized how much I am. Lots of times we think miracles are for changing what's going on, but really the miracles are the fact that we are able to do so much. The miracle is that Jesus Christ died and suffered in Gethsemane for us and made it possible for us to access His power and find peace and joy. The miracle is that we sometimes see just how much power God gives us and how many people are allowed to come into our lives. Sometimes the miracle is that we find worth in ourselves.

I know I don't look like much. I know that this is a terrible picture of me. However, it's literally what I was staring at as I was crying to myself this morning about wanted and unreceived miracles and unexpected yet heart-wrenching and -warming miracles.

You are a miracle. Even if you take awkward bathroom selfies and have crazy hair. You are a miracle because you are His and have the capability of accessing the power of God and the Atonement of Jesus Christ. You are a miracle because you choose to keep on moving forward. You are a miracle.

The Dole Whips of Singlehood

My family had been planning a Disneyland 2020 trip for a few years. So, at the beginning of 2019, I said that if I wasn't married by the Disneyland trip, I would buy myself seven dole whips (blog post link for proof here). I'm apparently the type of person who eats her feelings. The reward for getting married was being married even though my family members tried to convince me it was to buy eight Dole Whips. As of the end of December 2019 when my family started our Disneyland trip, I was not married and had to buy myself seven Dole Whips. It has now taken me almost a year and a half to finally get those Dole Whips. I completed my quest this week. Here are my Dole Whips and photogenic self. Despite the faces, I enjoyed all of them.

Number 1: Lemon with Blue Raspberry slush that was pretty good despite it being lemon flavored. My brother had to help me eat it.

Number 2: Pineapple-Raspberry swirl. It was good. I wish I had tried a few more swirl flavors.

Number 3: Pineapple. The OG. It was delicious.

Number 4: Coconut with Pineapple juice. My brother and I found a bunch of Dole floats at Disney World. This is by far my favorite. The coconut dole whip is fantastic. And mixed with pineapple juice is amazing. If you ever go to Disney World, this is the float you must get.

Number 5: Pineapple. You can't go wrong with the pineapple. Except I cut my tongue on the plastic cup.

Number 6: Pineapple with Watermelon, Strawberry, and Coconut syrup. Not my favorite but good to try once. I couldn't really taste specifically watermelon, strawberry, or coconut, just kind of weird flavor mixed with the pineapple.

Number 7: Orange with Strawberry Fanta. It was delicious. I forgot that I like strawberry Fanta.

Well, if you wanted to know why I'm single it's because I only eat sugar and spend all my money going to Disney parks. Okay, that's not the reason, but it probably doesn't help. Thanks for looking at my weird pictures.

Before I get into the real content of this post, I just wanted to let you all know that the subscribe by email function that I have had on this blog will be discontinued. I was trying to find another way for my followers to get my blog by email, and so I did some quick research and found out that I only had 4 followers anyway, and one of them is the wrong address, and two of the other followers are my brothers, so really I have one follower who probably wouldn't get my blog posts otherwise. So, no need to fear. The discontinuation of the follower widget will not affect my reach to you guys. I literally reach no one.  So that was a great discovery. The only way people know I have a blog is by word of mouth and social media posts.

An Empowered Woman of God

The thought for this post has come from several conversations I have had over the last few months and seeing posts about people leaving church, especially from women. 

I've had a pretty easy life. I haven't gone through a ton of hardship, so this post may seem very inconsequential to those who have had a lot of hardships, trials, and oppressions.

In regards to my gender, or my sex, I am female. I was a female when I was born and shall remain a female until I die (and beyond). I cannot say that I understand transgender thought or feeling because I honestly have no idea what being female should feel like.  The only thing I can think of is I feel the pain and emotional turmoil that accompanies bleeding once a month. Other than that, I literally just see myself as a person. And maybe it's less of a feeling rather than a knowing, in which case, I know I am a female.

I was raised in a fairly conservative family. To me, that means that all children in my home were raised being told that if they worked hard, they would reap rewards of that work. Boys were raised as boys, and girls were raised as girls. For my sisters and me, this means I was raised to learn how to cook, sew, clean, play instruments, garden, mow the lawn, play sports, build things, squish bugs, pitch a tent, etc. For my brothers, it was the same thing. We were all taught to do the same stuff.

I have a brother, who if you took me and him, the society's so-called gender roles and standards and whatnot would say that we had gotten our roles reversed. My brother is the tender, home-making child, and I am the aggressive, play-in-the-mud child. And that doesn't make either of us less boy or less girl. We were lucky to grow up in a home where we were allowed to be ourselves.

I was taught that we are all children of God. And that someday we can become like God if we put in the work and use the Grace and Atonement of Jesus Christ. God is no respecter of persons (Acts 10:34). All are welcome to come to Him and to be like Him.

With all this said, men and women are different and have different roles. Every person is meant to use their specific talents to help and lift each other. In the church, men receive the Priesthood and women do not. This does not mean that women do not have authority. Women very much are expected to work with Priesthood authority to bless the lives of others. The Priesthood is an unselfish power and can only be used to bless others; one cannot bless himself with his own Priesthood power (with a few exceptions such as blessing the bread for the sacrament which one will take for himself and other random things).

In the latest General Conference, Elder Holland quoted the late Prophet Gordon B. Hinckley:

 ' "How tragic and utterly disgusting a phenomenon is wife abuse," he said. "Any man in this Church who abuses his wife, who demeans her, who insults her, who exercises unrighteous dominion over her is unworthy to hold the priesthood. ... [He] is unworthy to hold a temple recommend." Equally despicable, he said, was any form of child abuse--or any other kind of abuse.'

For more about worthiness to hold the Priesthood, here is President Hinckley's talk.

I feel like there is a lot I could add and there is so much more that people have questions about and that people have concerns about. However, the following is my testimony. The following is what I know for myself.

God has a purpose for me. I know what to do and where to go because I use my agency, and I also consult with God. I feel empowered and feel like I can do whatever He asks me to because it is His power, His Priesthood, that gives me strength to do what He needs me to. I am female and am a strong woman of God. And even though I don't always meet society's standards of womanhood, I meet God's and am exactly who He has intended me to be. He works with my strengths instead of mauling me with my imperfections. Just because I am a woman, I am not less than man, and I am needed just as much as man. We're different. And we are the same. It's really contradictory, but life isn't meant to be super easy to explain. I don't like I have any less power to accomplish my goals than if I were a man. I am a woman, and I feel empowered because I know what I want and trust in God.

God has a purpose for you. I know it. He knows you and wants you to know Him. We also have a loving Heavenly Mother, who unfortunately I haven't actually taken the time to know as well. But She loves you too. She is looking out for you. She loves you and wants you to return to Her. She is helping you out more than you know. And you are a blessed child of Mom and Dad.

She Doth Quote the Wise and Herself

Alright guys! I got the quotes from January to March of this year.

Emmett: Have you ever played Shrek 2 on the game cube on the virtual Wii on the WiiU?

Sabrina: Grill and chill?

Cami: Yeah, they grill you, as in ask you a bunch of questions. And if you get them right, you chill.

Random 11-12 year old boy in a group: No one wants to be in your stupid TikTok, Nate.

Cami: I date to get married. I don't date for fun. Because dating isn't fun.

Cami: I'm just gonna stand here opening my knife.

Sabrina: I'm just gonna close this door and lock it.

Brittany: Don't give kisses for organs.

After seeing a sign about active bees in the area

Brandt: What are inactive bees?

Cami: Bees that don't go to church often.

Putting markers on the whiteboard tray

Cami: Ooh, what if I put a permanent marker up here?

Coworker: That is some chaotic energy.

When people were trying to get me to do a "princess" serve at volleyball.

Cami: I'm not a princess... I'm the dragon.

Pruning and Growth

Hey guys, it's been a minute. Apparently, my game didn't last very long. I'm not good at sticking to my ideas. (Maybe a little undiagnosed inattentive ADHD? Could explain a lot of things, but I'm pretty sure you aren't supposed to diagnose yourself. And I'm not a psychiatrist. But it would even explain this random tangent.) It was fun while it lasted. I don't really know what to share, but I thought I should share something. I've had a lot of thoughts about growth and change recently. I have thoughts about growth all the time actually and am constantly trying to figure out what my next move is for becoming a better person and how I can change.

So maybe I'll share a little about one of my favorite books. We've all heard about The Book of Mormon. Well, within that book there is another book called The Book of Jacob. I love The Book of Jacob. There are a few chapters that I love throughout the whole Book of Mormon and read all the time; however, all the chapters in The Book of Jacob are some of my go-to chapters. Jacob teaches the allegory of the olive tree, and it is fantastic. I love it. Maybe it hits me more or makes a lot of sense to me because my favorite chores growing up were always the outdoor chores in the garden or helping take care of the various fruit trees. (RIP the beloved peach tree that took so much work. It had the best peaches on this planet.)

This chapter talks a lot about pruning, which means it's about decay, growth, and change. Pruning doesn't always mean that you are developing horrendously. Sometimes we are making progress and have lots of potential and are full of fruit. When pruning the peach tree, we would pluck off lots of unripe fruit, so that the tree's energy could be used more efficiently to produce better tasting and mature fruit. Sometimes we are the same; we have to let go of some good things, so we can put more time and energy into other things and have better results. Sometimes we just need a little redirection.

Pruning the rose bushes has taught me that different branches of your life will bud and blossom at different times. We sometimes have to work on one thing for a while and then work on something else. Just because it isn't important for us to work on something now does not mean it won't be pertinent later. For example, I felt it important to work on developing a business. At this moment, that's something that just isn't plausible and has been put to the side for a bit. In the future, I may come back to that and let it bloom and grow.

Pruning for me and my life often comes in the form of long talks with God and what I call chastenings. I go on bike rides when I have some serious talks with God to do (especially since the temples are closed because of COVID). I talk to God about the things that I need to change and ask Him about what I need to know right now. I made the realization a few months ago that my chastenings have gotten much better, and that I enjoy my talks with God and receiving direction. Even when it's direction that I don't necessarily think I want. 

Yeah, I know I look cool with the pigtails.

As your relationship gets better with God, so do your prunings, your chastenings. And probably most people won't call them chastenings like I do. I just have an interesting relationship with God. I encourage you to talk to God and ask Him what He needs you to know right now. I can tell you that He loves you and wants you to know. More often than not, when I ask Him, "What do You need me to know right now?", He has answered that I need to know that He loves me. Nothing in this world even matters unless you know that God loves you. Ask Him. Talk to Him. It's hard sometimes, and it's worth it. You may cry. An emotionally guarded person like me cries when God tells me He loves me and when He tells me what I need. Being pruned and growing leads to good fruit when it's led by God and fed by a relationship with Him. Go with God.

For another resource about pruning that I love, here is one of my favorite inspirational videos. I quote it (to myself) often because I love it so much and because I feel like it has pertained to so much in my life. You can also find other similar inspirational messages here.

Meet Kenzie

Hi all! (I don't actually know if 'all' includes very many people, but hello.) Another week has passed us by. This week, I want you to meet McKenzie. We went and got some Andy's frozen custard. #notanad Is that an appropriate use of that hashtag? Anyway, it was a really good game this week.

Kenz made it 6.5 minutes before she laughed. We talked about missions, volunteering, mental health, and dinosaur dresses. Kenzie has so many good dresses. Every time I see a different dress, I'm pretty sure I tell her how much I like her dresses. She's really good at finding dresses with pockets. Altogether, I feel like we talked about a lot of random stuff and yet still had a fairly deep conversation. Kenzie is cool like that. She has a great sense of humor and is still able to be serious and speak from the heart.

Also, Kenzie is the one who has helped me with my Team Cami shirts most recently. She has a lot of fun and cute shirts that she makes. You can find some of her designs on her Instagram page: @whatkenziecreates. I have several new shirts since being her roommate. She's also a big supporter of the perpetuation of Team Cami. Below is my roommates and me wearing the shirts she has made. #notsponsored 

Thanks Kenz for going along with my random ideas. And thanks for chatting with me. I really appreciate it.

My Game and Some Awesome T-Shirts

 This week, I hung out with Lari. We talked over FaceTime because she was just traveling. We got a pretty good picture.

We both look super good in the picture. Those blue dots are the lights in her truck. We had a good talk and caught up about life. Something about Lari is she is a great listener, and then she is always good at telling people what their strengths are. If you are ever wondering what you are good at, Lari can tell you something positive about you. Lari is also a spiritual giant. She can tie anything back to how you are a beloved son or daughter of God and how much He loves you.

Lari lost the challenge to not laugh, and we still had a good time.

Here is a better picture of us, just not one from the night we did my game. This one was about 2 years ago.

I also wanted to use this time to let you know that I have a new Team Cami logo. I got the first shirt this week. Below are some pictures. My roommate makes shirts and has made a few already. If you would like one, just let me know, and I can get you in contact with her to make some.

Sabrina

 I did it again. I beat someone at my own game. Surprised?

This week, I took on a fierce competitor named Sabrina. Sabrina and I hang out a lot together. I think her downfall in this game was that she underestimated my ability to take anything light-heartedly (that's not really a good thing, but it works when trying to make people laugh). She wanted to change the subject to funerals at one point, so my response was obviously, "Okay!!" She regretted that decision immediately. She did hold up pretty well during the fantastic funeral stories. She made it through stories from my work as well.

Sabrina lasted 25 minutes. Let me tell you, Sabrina has great strength. Sabrina and I talked about all kinds of stuff as we tend to do. It was a great walk around the temple.

If you need someone to listen to you, Sabrina is one of the best. She laughs at all my dumb stories and always has my back. Even when I make bad decisions. We had a good walk and had more laughs after the 25 minutes. Also, the temple is awesome. If you need to clear your head, it's a great place to go. Thanks Sabrina for playing my game!

2020's last bit of Quotes

Sorry guys, I kind of lapsed on the quotes during the last half of 2020.

Grandma: I don't usually disrobe in front of people on Sundays.

Cami: You can take the easy way, or you can take the fun way.

Holly: If dating was a game, it would be Jumanji.

Hannah: How did you drink so much milk already?
Cami: I ate seven bowls of cereal and made some macaroni and cheese.
Hannah: Cami, you eat like a teenage boy.

Cami: That's the difference between me and Sabrina; Sabrina is a babe, and I'm a dinosaur.

Cami: Just pretend you're the best, and everything will fall into place.

While at work (a center that provides care to seniors with dementia)
Coworker 1: I'm losing my mind/
Coworker 2: Well, you're in the right place.

Lari: This is life-saving.

Cami: We're all alive today because of Chik-fil-a shakes.

Hanging with the Bros

My contestants this week were my brothers, Tito and Griffin. Tito (Emmett) took me out to lunch for part of my Christmas present, and Griffin joined. I don't even remember what we talked about. I know we talked about how weird people are. But, I don't remember. I know there was something about chickens and something about a letter on one of the cups to designate which drink it was. Emmett lost my game because we both laughed.

Technically, Griffin won the game, but he was also in the back seat of the car and randomly joined us. It was kind of an awkward game altogether because I couldn't see both of my competitors and was driving, and then we ended back at home where people would walk by, so it wasn't my best effort. Griffin said that his grand prize would be that he didn't have to show his face in a picture, so here's his game photo.

As if that picture is any less awkward. (Also, Cane's do you want to sponsor me?) It was a good lunch with the brothers. I think Emmett made Griffin laugh. Does that count?

Also, Emmett, is this the picture you actually wanted me to post?  (Nobody has to worry about a bunch of people seeing their awkward pictures because I only have three people that read my blog. Maybe three.)

Thanks brothers! Who wants to take me out to lunch next? Or we can get some Andy's or Dairy Queen. Or I can do FaceTime or Zoom for virtual game time.