Post-graduation Rant

Basically, I am having a midlife crisis.  Yeah, I know I'm only 20-something, but around these parts, that's a good middle age.  I want to just travel.  I want to go back to school.  I don't want to go to school.  I want to get a job.  But, I don't really want to get a job.  I want to move, but I feel like I shouldn't.  I just graduated, and everyone asks me if it feels good.  Sure, I guess.  I don't think I am any closer to my potential than I was before.  I don't know what I am doing.  I looked at buying a truck a few days ago.  The gas mileage is awful, so I didn't buy one.  And, I don't know anything about anything.  And it would cost a fortune, and I don't have money.  Well, actually, I do.  I have a few monies.  I don't have anything funny to say.  I'm just not funny anymore.  I'm super indecisive.  For example, here were some things I was going to publish as my blog post.

On a more positive note, I actually took a shower this week.

Eternal Families Awareness Month

May is here again.  And you know what that means: Eternal Families Awareness Month.  Okay, maybe you didn't know that that is what May meant.  And, I didn't really think about it until on the 1st of May when my brother sent a text to the family saying, "Happy eternal families awareness month!"

Sometimes I pretend like this month doesn't really affect me.  I actually wanted to start this blog post by saying, "Why I don't have feelings."  But, as I thought about it, I guess I do have feelings.  But, I don't think the feelings are quite what people would expect.  I don't really know how to miss my mom anymore.  In fact, I don't even remember much about her.  She's been gone for so long, I don't really remember what it is like to have a mom.  So, the sad feelings aren't really there.  Which probably sounds really awful, but death just doesn't phase me anymore.  Death has become hope.

Death is hope.  That probably sounds really awful and slightly suicidal.  Let me tell you why death is hope.  First, here is a video.  Want to know how many times I have watched this?  I don't even know; it's too many times to keep track of.

Because of Jesus Christ, I will see my mom again.  I will see my grandma again.  I will see my aunt again.  I will see my great grandparents again (yeah, all except one was alive when I was born, so I got to know some of my great grandparents).  I'll get to see my friends again.  My family members will get to see their friends again.  Basically, death is the most awesome family reunion you could ever imagine.  Just joking, you can't even imagine it.  Unless you are a lot more righteous than me (which isn't hard to do.)

I also believe that through Jesus Christ, we have power on this earth to keep our families forever.  It is through the temple that we receive this promise and are able to use this power.  My family has done so, so I know that I will be part of my family still forever.

Death is hope.  This doesn't mean I actively try to die, but when the time comes, I will openly embrace it and thank Heavenly Father for my time on earth.  I will say thank you that I will be able to see my family again.  I will say thank you for taking care of me and taking care of my family.  God loves you.  Don't you forget it.  He knows what He is doing even when we have a hard time believing so.  He wants us to feel His love.  He loves you.

P.S. I promised myself I wouldn't draw attention to struggles May brings in my life, but I think this message is good.  I want to share the hope that I find in May.

Leaving BYU

What?!  Why are you leaving BYU?

'Cause I'm graduating!  Even so, I am glad that I am done with BYU.  I am glad to leave.  And for this gladness, I have a not so great reason and a kind of awesome reason.  I'll start with the not so great, so you can skip it if you want.


NOT SO GREAT
I have a problem with BYU/Provo Culture.  It goes a little something like this: You better date and get married or you're dumb. People expect to find their "soul mates" at BYU.  And they expect it of everyone else at BYU.  If you didn't come to BYU to find a spouse, then why are you here?  Every conversation includes marriage as a topic--it's inevitable.

I once was in a group of about eight girls.  All were married, engaged, or about to be engaged except for me.  One girl decided that each girl should tell her love story to the group.  I was hoping that my invisibility skills would kick in, but nonetheless I was seen and asked to inform the group of my beautiful tale of romance.  I simply stated, "I'm single."  And the group just stared at me as if I was broken.  Their sad faces were just that--sad.  I had broken their fragile hearts with my sad tale of woe.  I had added a drop of depression to their pleasant, pretend perfect day.  I ruined it.  I ruined their happiness.  And I think they thought I had also ruined mine.

This is why I hate BYU culture.  Just because I am single doesn't mean that I am unhappy or worth any less.  Just because I didn't get married while at BYU doesn't mean that I didn't fulfill my purpose there.  My life is more than just finding a man.  Yes, it is pleasing to God when people get married.  Yes, I am pretty sure God wants all of His children to have lasting and loving marriages, but I can still improve my life while I am unmarried.  I can still become a better person.  And when I do finally meet that person and decide that I'm okay with dating, I will be better prepared.  Yeah, I'll still be imperfect and make tons of mistakes, but I will have learned a lot of things.  And guess what!  I am pretty sure that I have learned and experienced more than a handful of married BYU students.  I have changed lives, including my own, in ways that some of them have not.  So, why should I be sad about that?

To the people who have bet against my ability to make it through BYU without getting married: taste the awful bitterness of defeat.  Yeah, it may be a little harsh, but this is my life, not yours.  And I'm still imperfect and have much work to do in the kindness area.

KIND OF AWESOME

In the last three years, I have come to understand the meaning of "Enter to Learn--Go Forth to Serve."  We aren't meant to stay in school forever. We aren't meant to get an education just to soak it all in and never use it.

Because of my major, I have been shown a path that lots of people don't even know about.  I have been given opportunity to explore the world of Residential Treatment Centers (RTC).  As a staff in a few RTCs, I have been counted as a guardian for more than 50 kids.  Their safety has been in my hands, and it has been my responsibility to teach them and love them.  I have used the knowledge of mental illness and human development to fulfill these responsibilities.

Because I have come to BYU, I have seen the light in roommates' eyes grow.  I have been there to share my thoughts and my testimony.  I have used my knowledge of the gospel to give aid to roommates who were seeking help.

And now I am ready to go.  I am ready to keep serving and finding people wherever I may go that need some of the learning that I have gained from BYU.  That's really the purpose of higher education: serving in higher capacities.  Because I know more, I can help more.  I'm done with BYU and being in this bubble.  It's kind of like this meme I saw a few years ago.

I'm ready to spread out and stop stinking.

JUST SOMETHING INTERESTING
If you want to see how college went for me, here are some pictures.

First Semester:

Next to Last Semester:

At some point, my homework started being more reading and trying to comprehend it than solving equations, so my grades dropped dramatically.  Maybe I should have stuck with Chemistry or Math.

The Less Active in Ward Council

I'm gonna do it.  I going to single someone out.  Here it goes: WHY is that less active member in ward council?  Why?  Don't you think it is a little awkward that they're here when we should be talking about how to help them?

Actually, just kidding.  Maybe ward council is exactly where they need to be.  Except in this case, that less active is me.  I was the less active member in the ward council.  Some of you may be questioning how valid that statement is.  Well, once upon a time, I had a job that required me to work every Sunday.  The shifts were meant to change every Sunday between morning and evening shift.  Somehow I also got the church time of 1:00pm, which was right during the shift change.  So, the most church I would get each month was two Sacrament meetings.  Sometimes I even left before Sacrament meeting was over.

In the middle of me working on Sundays, I got a calling in which I was to go to Ward Council.  First, is it a thing outside of Utah YSA wards to have the music chair in Ward Council?  I had never heard of that.  I often struggle to know what to say in Ward Council because I have stewardship over those little pieces of paper that are put in the plaque every Sunday.  I'm no Relief Society President.  Don't get me wrong, I love being the Music Chair.  I get to pick songs that people sing rarely.  I get to ask people to play instruments and sing for musical numbers.  I love my calling.  I just find it hard to talk in Ward Council.

So, if I wasn't already feeling useless for being the person without anything to say in Ward Council, I often feel like I fall into the categories of people we need to love and cherish more, to reach out to.  For example, people who don't have friends, people who sit in the back row of church, people who leave right after Sacrament meeting, people who don't attend any ward functions, etc.  I fall into all of these categories.  My ward members would probably say, "Cami, you have friends."  But let me tell you about when I was first in ward council.

I was new to the ward, so I knew no one.  I happened to never make it to ward functions because I was working.  I knew my roommate: just the one that was in the same room as me.  I went to ward council and we would be asked who we knew.  I could list myself.  And my roommate.  That was it.  So, I sat in the second to back row in the chapel at church.  (I'm really bad at initiating conversation with anyone that I don't know and often with the people that I do know.)  There were times where I would go to one hour of church in two months.  I sometimes missed Ward Council.  I knew one person.  Can you guess who it was?  My roommate.  Maybe she should have been in Ward Council.

So, what's the point about me writing about being less active in the Ward Council?  I don't know.  I think I just wanted to share how awkward I feel.  I could tell you about the times where I planned on running away and no one would even know.  I could tell you about the times I didn't go to church last month and people didn't even think anything of it (even though I don't work on Sundays anymore, but who's really supposed to keep track of my schedule?).  I could tell you about how I still don't know what I'm doing in Ward Council.  I could tell you about how people think I know things, but I really don't.

Anyway, the Lord knows more than I do.  For some reason, He calls us to do things that we are not at all prepared for.  Life's an adventure.  Keep exploring.  Don't quote anything I say; it is wise not to.  Believe I'm a heretic if you want to because it's not like it would change my reputation much.  Have a great day.

Bigfoot's Sister

Want to know something about me?  I am totally that annoying roommate who sits on the couch doing who knows what when my roommate and her boyfriend probably need some privacy.  Want to read about other ways in which I am a creep?  Try this "poem."

In other news, I really love this pair of shoes that I have.  In case I forget what size my feet are, each shoe has it written three times.

The Guilt of Not Dating: A Passive Aggressive (Slightly More Aggressive) Note to my Fans (Just Me)

For someone who hates dating so much, I talk an awful lot about dating.  Sorry, I'll try to stop.

My Invisible Man and Me

As a single adult in a church that has a high emphasis on marriage and family, sometimes one can feel a little overwhelmed, out-of-place, and as if he/she is letting down God.  Now, let's get this straight, I am merely 23, so I really shouldn't complain.  I haven't had a lot of experience to make me feel down.  I should remember that I am still young.  Guess what! I do feel young, and sometimes that's the thing that keeps me from dating.  I forget that I am old enough to get married.  Weird.  Below are some of the things that I have heard (whether or not they were the real words of the people talking to me).

"What was wrong with the boy?"  Nothing.  "Then you should have kept dating him.  He liked you." Okay, I get it; I messed up.  For the most part, I just felt like our personalities didn't match up or that the boy moved super fast or I panicked and shut down, and then I said no.  All of the guys that have asked me on dates are super nice guys.  They are great.  But, I just didn't feel like we fit.  Or I panicked.

"You could be married and have three children by now."  No, I could be married and unhappy.  And maybe one child (that I give more attention to than my husband).  I don't want to get married just to get married.  I want to get married to be with someone that I can be with forever and care about always.  I want to get married in order to raise kids in a household where the parents love each other and love their children.  How would I be able to teach my kids to love others if I really wasn't in love with their father?  I want a friend, a best friend.  I want someone to do activities with (bike riding, hiking, raising kids, laughing, etc.).

"Don't you know getting married is essential to your salvation?"  Yes.  "Then why aren't you trying to do so?"  Because I don't have courage.  And yes, I feel guilty for letting this hold me back.  I often feel that I am not doing my part and am letting God down.  I know that I need to get married and raise kids well.  I know without a doubt that I need to be a mom.  I know that I can accomplish a lot as a wife.  I know that you know that I'm missing out.

Also, because people push the idea of marriage onto me so much, I push back and say that I don't want to get married.  But, deep down--deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down--I do want to get married.  I also have quite a few reasons that I shouldn't get married, some of the being the following:
1. I've already failed at being a mother figure.
2. I am so selfish.
3. I am immature.  Think 3-year-old inside an adult body.
4. I don't trust people.
5. I don't know how to be a good friend.
6. I say a lot of bad things.  And, I'm mean.
7. I punch people.  I'm surprised no one has really fought back yet.
8. I don't say, "I love you."
9. Okay, I should probably stop with the negativity.

Basically, everyone has their own timetable.  Yes, I feel guilty a lot for not being married or dating.  I ask God often if I am even doing what He wants me to do.  He says, "Patience."  So, then I wait and try to do what's right.  What's that scripture about being anxiously engaged in a good cause?  Yeah, I just try to do that and follow the commandments.  It helps me stay happy.

So basically, Cami, get off my case.  I'm trying to be a good person, and that's an imperative start for me.  Stop letting guilt rule your life.  Let it go.  Just let it [insert expletive] go.

Also, if this doesn't detract people from dating me, I need to up my game.  The game is called "How awful can I make myself sound?"  Did it work?  Can you resist me now?

And if you are thinking of commenting about how someday some man will sweep me off my feet and there won't be anything I can do beside fall in love with him and marry him, I've already heard that at least once a week for the last four years.  Maybe a little more.  Sure, maybe someday I will fall in love.  But let me do it on my own time.  And let me believe it on my own.  Stop trying to make me think things.

I'm over it.  I don't want to get married, but I do at the same time.  That's pretty much this entire post in one sentence.  I'm just going to go back to my awkward life now.  Have a wonderful week.  Hopefully you can get over this too.  Just let it go.  Forget about it.  It was just a waste of your seven minutes.  These are not the droids you are looking for.  Go back to your daily routine.

What Do You Believe and Why?

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about why I believe the things that I do.  First and foremost, I believe that God exists and that His son, Jesus Christ, came to the Earth to save all people.

I believe that through the power of God families can be together forever.  The building in the above picture is where God blesses families for forever. We make promises that connect our families together and to God.

I know that I can see my loved ones who have passed on again.  It will be one great family reunion.

Why do I believe this? Because I  have lost many people that I love and that have listened to me, I have had to find others who will listen to me and help me.  (To learn more about this, you can read Getting Married.)  And when God becomes the only one you can talk to, you get to know who He is and what He wants for you.  God has shown me His love.  He helps me be better than who I already am.  These videos express better the things that I have come to understand.

I would love to have you reply in the comments about what you believe and why.
Also, if you click the orange button to the left of this post, you can read more.

My Preferred Sport is Extreme Eating

Today, none of the normal bowls were clean.  So, the thought popped in my head that I should just use a large mixing bowl.  And once the idea was in my head, I couldn't just not do it.  So, I did.

It really helps that I spend a great number of evenings all by myself.  I maybe should get out more.  Also, I felt kind of like I would be a drunk as I was gulping down that milk.  Just look at it.  It's like half the gallon. 

Just kidding, it's only about a fifth of a gallon.  And, it was delicious.

Getting Married

Don't worry; I'm not doing that.  Yet.  It's gonna be a while.

But, the topic presents itself daily to me because the number of my roommates in serious relationships is unnaturally high, and the number of dates I have been on in the past month is unnaturally high (more than 1).  And the lessons in church have been about dating.  Boo. Unfortunately, this brings up some issues that I have tried to pretend are actually strengths.

Once upon a time, my family went through a hard time.  Everyone was trying to get through it the best they could.  Unfortunately, this also meant that feelings were rejected and counted as inappropriate or invalid.  So, the feelings got pushed down.  Hidden.  Labeled as unimportant.  Without realizing it, this also labeled people as unimportant.  Some of my siblings and I became unimportant.  Now, it wasn't anyone from the outside saying we were unimportant.  Honestly, they were trying to help.  People wanted us to feel good.  And, most of us still have good feelings inside.  But, this has led to a not so great belief system in some of us.  I would like to tell you about mine.  (This isn't me being vulnerable because I don't do that.  This is me being honest.  I also feel like I have had this conversation with quite a few people in the last few weeks, so I might as well share it.)

I don't trust people.  If you know me, you probably already know this.  I do talk to people.  And I share stories with them.  I go do fun stuff with people.  I try to help people.  But, you have probably also noticed that I don't ask people to do anything for me.  I don't try to rely on people to comfort me.  I don't accept offers of help from others.  I fix things on my own.  I am a very independent person.  I don't invite people to go places with me or do stuff with me.  That game that I played a year ago was a super gutsy thing for me to do.  But, I didn't really invite people to eat lunch with me.  I invited people to invite themselves.  So, I still have some work to do.

I also know that relationships don't last.  At least, that is what my experience tells me.  That hard time ruined most of my relationships with my family members.  It absolutely ruined them.  Relationships that I did have died, and ones that I tried to nourish never grew.  So, that's how I knew that relationships don't last.  And from all of my other experiences with making friends.  So, this is my belief system.

BUT  (and this is a big but--I like 'em, I cannot lie.  Sorry, bad joke.)

My relationship with my dad is the best it has been in eight years.  It's probably even better than it was before all the hard things.  I actually talk to him sometimes about what is going on in my life.  And, I ask him for help sometimes.  No, I still don't talk to him as often as other people talk to their parents.  And I think that is something that just comes along with being Cami.  I don't call people on the phone just to talk to them.  Sometimes, it even takes me a day or two to answer someone's text.  That's just me.

My relationships with other family members are also getting better.  I can talk to them about some of my feelings and worries about life.  However, I am still working on trusting people who are not my family members.  It's hard when after a semester is over, you are never going to see these people again.  And to tie it back to the beginning, this is why I have a hard time with dating.  My lack of trust and belief that people are just going to leave makes it hard for me to get attached to people.  I also don't want to hurt people because I know that I will be leaving.

I know that I still have to work on my trust issues, but I have hope that it will change.  Last night, I read Mosiah 15:10--"when his soul has been made an offering for sin he shall see his seed."  Though it may not necessarily be a sin, but more of a weakness, the only way that I will come to know Jesus Christ is by letting His Atonement be a part of my life.  I have to rely on Him for change.

Not typical of me, I have actually prayed constantly for confidence and about future relationships that I might have.  I believe it started this past summer.  I have heard lots of people, including Prophets and Apostles, talk about when they were single and praying about their future spouse.  And I just kind of rolled my eyes and thought, "whatever."  So, I never did that.  And, I kind of still don't.  Don't start thinking that I pray, "Please let me have a wonderful husband, who cherishes me, and is super good looking.  Please let me be a wonderful wife."  My prayers are a lot more asking that I can be good to people and be good to myself.

So, maybe I won't be getting married in the near future.  But, at least I know that I can change so that maybe someday I can.  Someday, I will trust someone enough to let them stay with me.  There's hope.  Because the force is strong with this one.  Or really the Holy Ghost.  I know that Jesus Christ did die for me and rose again, so I can become a better and more trusting person.  And I know that time heals wounds.  Like the song "Come, Ye Disconsolate" says, "Earth has no sorrow that heaven cannot heal."  I know this.  Because I have felt it.  And I am trying to continue to feel it.  And I encourage others to feel it as well.

For some less deep words on my dating struggles, you can go read Patient Urgency.

When You Don't Know How to Invite People Over

The cat dominated.  Just look at its smug, little face.

Thought from Today

Here I was thinking I would be in Hawaii or Arizona this semester, but God decided I needed a little more humility.

The road to my internship

Random Thoughts from 2016

Well, all of these are random thoughts (or things people have said to me) that I think are so dumb, but they also crack me up.  Good thing I think I'm funny if I have to live with myself forever, right?

Just because you are a couple doesn't mean you get the right of way.  A couple was walking on a path that could easily have room for three and a half people.  So, they made sure I had room to walk on the grass to the side.

Wash your hair.  This was my sister's advice on attracting boys.

Let's be honest; I'm shallow. Part of a conversation in which I shared that I would like to be attracted to my future husband.

When boys think they are too cool to date me, I'm just like, "It's okay. I'll just be single forever."

Your meal packaging says three servings, so you're obviously going to eat the whole thing. Actually, I think the packaging of the food that I was about to eat was four servings.  I still ate all of them anyway. Pistachio pudding--it's a weakness.

If I had a quarter for every time I've said, "I love you," I'd probably have a quarter. (I thought I'd try it once.)

I am so glad to be apart of the family. I see this on Facebook all the time.  It's written by people who are trying to seem friendly, but really they hate the family.  They just want everyone to think they are nice and skip over the fact that apart means away from.  They enjoy their time away from the family.

All my roommates are talking about their significant others, and I'm just over here drawing on my hands.

Proof:

Shallmano  This one is more of a memory.  I thought this was a word until I truly understood the words of "As I have Loved You."  Children don't always know what they are singing.

Some of the scariest moments in my life are when I have a negative thought and someone asks me, "What?" And then I panic for a few seconds until I realize that I didn't say it out loud.  Truth.  I know that I have wicked thoughts, it's just scary when other people know my wicked thoughts.

You'll look like a man. This is my sister convincing me not to cut my hair.  Don't worry, I wasn't actually going to.

It's just such a good bruise I can't stop looking at it.  Just look at it!

When everyone says that I have straight, blonde hair, and then the hairs that come out of my head are black and curly: why is my hair so weird?  I had another conversation about my hair being straight the other day, maybe I should just wear my hair down, so people can see it's absurdity.

When your can'ting is so can't full that you really just can't. So you just go for a bike ride instead of homework.  I'm done with schoolwork.  My brain can't do it anymore.  So, I've gone on quite a few bike rides this semester.  And rollerblading a few times.

Dates don't exist in my life. Not even the ones you put on oatmeal.  I actually had a date a few days after I said this.  It was the kind you put on oatmeal.  It was in a Christmas cookie.

When I have to buy small or extra small clothing, I wonder how people smaller than me live comfortably.  When I hit my head on the shower head, I wonder how people who are taller than me live comfortably.  At 5'8", I am the shortest of my dad and siblings, so our shower is nice and tall.  I don't hit my head here.

What a great ending to the year.  It'll be interesting to see what weird thoughts I have in 2017.

Freaking Lemons. I Hate Lemons.

First, somehow I am still alive.  And yes, I am still alive.  Those who actually read my blog (my aunt) may be wondering where I have been for the last month.  The answer:  In an alley, getting beat on by my classes and others of life's lemons.  Beware those lemons; they tough.  However, I thought I would share some of my lemons with you.

Lemon 1: School
This semester actually has me worried that I might fail.  And then I won't be able to graduate.  I have to take these classes over.  Which I don't want to do because of lemon 2.

Lemon 2: BYU/Provo Culture
I have a different blog post all about leaving BYU that I was going to post at the end of this semester.  However, I guess I'm not leaving Provo.  I don't know why.  I really want to because I hate it here.  However, I'm at this point because of lemon 3.

Lemon 3: Revelation?
Frankly, I don't know how to receive revelation.  I had made up my mind that I was going back to Arizona (or just going to Hawaii) to do my internship or to work until I could find an internship.  I felt really good about this decision.  And then I didn't.  And then I felt like I needed to stay in Utah.  Why?  I don't know.  I hate it here.  I don't fit in.  The reason I don't fit in is because of lemon 4.

Lemon 4: Unlovable
Once upon a time, my companion told me that I was unlovable.  Don't worry, I don't actually believe that no one can love me (for the most part).  I just have a hard time feeling love.  I don't know why, but I can't seem to make myself feel love from other people.  I enjoy being around people, but I don't understand that people enjoy being around me.  I am working on it.  I think.  I am trying to destroy that belief system. It's kind of hard to destroy them because of lemon 5.

Lemon 5: Singleness
This one is kind of a double-edged sword.  My roommates are in relationships and want me to be in one.  However, the only boys that ask me on dates are ones that I know I would be a bad match with.  And I don't ask boys on dates because of lemon 6.

Lemon 6: Self-Confidence
I'm pretty sure I'm awkward.  I don't want to embarrass anyone by asking them on dates.  I don't have confidence when it comes to being social.  I'm afraid that I make others feel awkward if I talk to them.  And that's why I don't talk to people.  Okay, this may be the same as lemon 4, but it plays a big role in my life.  I just need to let faith and just doing it overcome my fears and insecurities.  I can be better than what I currently am.

Though this is condensed, it is an okay representation of the lemons that want to beat on me.  I have let myself down so many times this semester.  I have run away so many times this semester.  I just want to run away for real though.  I'm not doing so great.  Luckily, I remembered a song yesterday that helps me: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PsaSmU5AQds

Somehow I keep going.  I have been quite useless this semester, but I'm going to make it.  I hope.  Only two more weeks.  I'm so ready to be done.  This is where prayer becomes my constant companion.  Where did happiness go?  I don't know, but soon it will be back.  I know it will.  I'm going to bring it back.  It has no choice.

P.S. Don't think about too much, but now lemons looks like a really weird word.

How to Be a Happy Person

Eat Cookies
I do this quite often.  I luckily have a great roommate who makes cookies.  They make me feel better.  But, it doesn't necessarily have to be cookies.  You can have ice cream or cake.  Or if you like celery, you can eat that too.

Go for a Bike Ride
This one is great for just being outside and exercising, both which make people happier.  I know because I just do it.  This is also open for substitutions.  You can go for a walk or rollerblade or canoe.  Any of those options are great.

Be Quirky

Everyone has their own little quirks.  Embrace yours.  One of mine that I love is that I have a few favorite times of the day.  In the last few weeks, I have been able to take pictures of some of these.

And yes, that is my phone's lock screen.  I obviously don't "adult" like other people.  And, my name is apparently not a real word.  The second one may be a bit blurry, but I promise it is 1:23:45.

Watch Funny Videos

Trust in God

Bonus Guideline: Listen to Christmas Music

I know that lots of people refuse to listen to Christmas music unless it is December.  I am not one of those people.  Christmas music is one of my coping skills.  Whenever I am down, I listen to Christmas music.  It's full of Christ's love.  It's full of hope.  It's full of peace.  And it reminds me that I have a Savior that is always watching over me no matter what.  He knows things.  Humans don't.

Dragon Warriors

Recently, I posted a picture of some of my notes from General Conference.  Which is just this drawing:

I thought I should explain why I drew this, and how it came up.  I was listening to the talk of Elder Hales.  He was talking about kindness and compassion--loving those who hate you.  As he was talking about this, my mission came to my memory.  I had many companions.  And they did NOT like me.  (Okay, maybe two liked me.)  Why was I dwelling on the past?  As I thought about the past, I had a quote come to mind that has been attributed to many people, but the following picture shows who I imagined it coming from:

This reminded me more of my mission.  We had a member of the quorum of the seventy come to our mission, and he was telling us that we determined whether or not we would be good missionaries.  This reminded me of the part in "Kung Fu Panda" where Po's father tells him

I decided to be a dragon warrior.  I can let the past determine the future or not.  (I'm still working on that one.)  But, the greatest thing is not that I have any special talents or awesomeness.  There is nothing that makes me more special than anyone else.  I can be a dragon warrior because I work hard and fight for what is right.  This became a theme for my mission.  And, I still think about after.

This is why I draw dragon warriors.  I can be a dragon warrior.  Anyone can be a dragon warrior.