In the Spirit of Thanksgiving

Throughout my university experience, I have worried a lot about funding.  In response, some of my peers have told me to ask my parents for help.  However, I have been taught to be independent by parents and by church leaders.  My family members know that I can be too independent for my own good sometimes. I also have four other siblings that have been or will be at university at the same time as me.  And, I have been taught the value of hard work.

I have worked to help me pay for school.  I have stuck with jobs that weren't much fun because they paid better than other campus jobs.  (This means that I cleaned toilets.  You'll have to ask me about some of the fun things I have found.  Like wiping up beards.)  As I have worked, I have made just enough to pay rent and for groceries and for new pants because my brother didn't like that I was going to school with quadruple patched pants that were once again tearing.

I wish I had this many quarters.  Then I could do my laundry.

Because of my worry, and because it is a smart thing to do, I have kept track of my money and have projected my expenses and income.  I have used my beloved spreadsheet to easily change estimates on my projection. Every time I calculate, I find that I don't have the funds to continue for the next semester/year.  And so, I constantly worry about school the next year, sometimes just the next semester.

After these morbid projections, I become frantic and look for more ways to fund my schooling.  I make plans to get a second job: I start searching and reshaping my resume.  I apply to jobs.  I apply to more scholarships.  I think about getting loans but am always afraid.  (I have a consistent fear that I won't be able to pay them off.)  Also, last month, Elder Hales talked about not obtaining debt.

Today, I looked at my bank accounts again to make sure I had enough money for groceries this week. My millisecond look at the numbers sent me into shock.  My bank account had a 1 in the thousands place!  My first thought was, "What the heck is my family doing? They are not supposed to put that there."

So, I loaded the summary to find a refund from BYU.  I didn't believe it.  I knew that something was wrong.  I hadn't paid for anything recently.  Tuition was due a whole semester ago, and I hadn't dropped any classes.  I remembered that I had received a message from BYU.  So, I went to my account to read the message that I hadn't opened because it wasn't one of my five group projects.  This is what I found:

I almost cried.  And if you know me well, I don't cry.  Even when I look like I am about to cry, I don't cry.  A few weeks ago, I had projected, on my beloved spreadsheet, that after tuition and January's rent next year, I will have $11 in the bank.  The timing of this message was impeccable.  My belief throughout university is that if God wants me to continue to school, and if I work hard to pay for it, God will make up the difference.  He will help me get the funds that I need.  This has only been one of hundreds of times that this principle has been true in my life.

In these moments that I have realized that I cannot come back to school, I have always received help.  I have received cards in the mail from a grandparent with some cash.  I have looked at my bank accounts to find a little extra money from my dad or grandparents.  During Christmas breaks and summer breaks at home, I have gone through my stuff and have found cash from past birthdays or Christmases.  (Being at home also means I don't have to pay for rent or groceries.)  Aunts have sent packages of food.  My sister and I realized we could trade books, or that I could use her old books.

I thoroughly believe that God has a plan for me, and going to school is part of that plan.  He has provided means.  I am thankful for His help.  I am thankful for the family that He has given to me to help me.  I hope that I can be as much help to them as they are to me.  I am thankful for the moral support that my family gives to me.  I am sad that I have to be so far from all of them, but school is almost done.  I can come closer soon.  I am thankful for school.  I am thankful that my mind has the capacity to learn.  I am thankful for family.  Still.  I am still thankful for my family.  Four sentences later, and I am still thankful for my family.  I love all of you.  Have a wonderful December.  It starts tomorrow.

We Choose Each Day

On a run that I took this week, I listened to a General Conference talk by Kevin W. Pearson.  The talk was given in April this year.  He had two really great quotes that I wanted to share.

Quote 1

The first quote reminded me of a conversation that I had with my sister.  She expressed her displeasure of Mormons not being accepting of people.  The quote helped me understand why we don't accept the values of some groups or individuals and sometimes even stay away from those same people.  We should never stop trying to share the truth, but we should also be cautious of what we are taking in.  Elder Pearson said,

"Heeding those who do not believe in Christ will not help you find Him."

Quote 2

I just like that this quote is a reminder as to the constant need to work hard.  It always make a very lofty goal seem a little more attainable.

"Our daily discipleship will determine our eternal destiny."

The Gift of Silence

Today, I made a comment in class and shortly afterward remembered why I don't usually do that. 

"Long pause, no answer."

I think I really did hear the crickets chirping.  And, my teacher just stared at me for a little bit.  

It really reminded me of a quote that my dad is quite fond of.  It has been attributed to Mark Twain and Abraham Lincoln, but the version that I remember hearing goes something like this, 

"It is better to stay silent and appear stupid than to open your mouth and remove all doubt."

Thank you.  Thank you.

Hold your applause.

(I guess for forever.)

Winning a National Championship and Humility

This week was awesome!  But, it was also very humbling.

I have been in my ward since the end of April.  So, about 6 months, and YSA wards in Provo are usually pretty good at getting callings to all of the members within a few weeks.  I have been a visiting teaching, and that is it.  My prideful self thinks, "Why can't they see that I can do something?"  I wonder how I, with so much to offer, am left as a callingless unknown member of a ward.  But, humility is my lesson.  It is something I struggle with all of the time.  I think that I am an awesome person, but I need to be humble.

A few weeks ago, I also looked on my ward's Facebook group to see if we had any events that week.  I found that I had been deleted from the Facebook group. That was sad.

But, this week, my pride kicked in again.  I had the awesome opportunity of being in a quiz bowl at the 50th anniversary NRPA conference.  For those who don't know, the quiz bowl is jeopardy, and NRPA stands for National Recreation and Park Association.  I was on a team with three other Recreation Management students.  I was voted team captain by my other three teammates.  Six colleges competed in the quiz bowl: Univeristy of Utah, BYU, NC State, Cal Poly San Luis Obispo, Texas A&M, and Ole Miss.  There were two rounds.  The first round had two games with three schools in each game.  We were in the second game.  The second round would be the winners of the first two games.

In the first round, we weren't doing so well.  My buzzer didn't even work. There was one question in which I was the only person clicking in and they still weren't getting my signal, so my teammate clicked his buzzer so I could answer the question.  We also had it rough with the questions.  We answered quite a few wrong.  So, come final jeopardy, in which we can wager our points, we had 4800 and NC State had 9000.  My teammates said that we were going all the way because we were going to lose anyway if we didn't.  So we wagered 4800 points.  The category was Disney, so we felt fairly confident.

The question: "What is one of Disney's two newest cruise ships?"

What?!  I have no idea.  Neither of teammates knew either.  So, we each came up with an answer that could possibly be it.  I thought of Fantasia.  And, I really liked that answer.  I also had the marker.  I also felt really bad for liking my answer so much and wanting to write that down instead of my teammates.  I had a hard time deciding.  My two teammates also just looked to me as the team captain to make the decision.  So, I wrote down, "What is Fantasia?"

We were doomed.  We didn't know the answer.

The judges saw our answer and hesitated.  All the BYU professors were shouting, "It's Good! Just give it to them!"  To which the judges obliged. We got the 4800 points!  We were now at 9600.

I just yelled, "What?! Yes!"  I threw my arms in the air and could only think that this was impossible.  I later found out from our teammate who sat out for the round that our coach literally got on his knees and prayed.  Prayer works.  It really works.  We kept up the BYU "tradition" of a hail mary to win.

NC State, at 9000, had wagered 600 points.  They had also given an answer that the judges hesitated but eventually gave to them.

NC State: 9600
BYU: 9600

We tied.  So, for the second round, we both went in.  It was a three-school championship round.  We went up against NC State and Texas A&M.  We dominated.  We took most of the points.  At one point it was BYU at 15000 and the other two teams were in the negatives.  We lost a few points, and Texas A&M and NC State gained a few.  With two more questions left in the double jeopardy at 2000 points each, I realized that they couldn't win.  We had 13,600 and the other two teams were only in the one thousands or less.  The two questions were answered and we were in the final jeopardy.

We wagered 600 points.  NC State had 0 points and could not wager any points.  Texas A&M had 1000 points and wagered 999.  Neither of us got the answer right, so the final score was

NC State: 0
Texas A&M: 1
BYU: 13000

We dominated. To my dad, who's the Dominator now?!  You also now have a national champion as a daughter.

2015 NRPA Quiz Bowl Champions

That was a really great moment.  I couldn't help but smile for an hour.  That was some good therapeutic recreation.

When I came home, I was so proud of myself, which meant that I required some humility.  The first person who saw me when I came home, just out of the blue, told me, "You don't have any visiting teaching assignment."  Ouch.  After thinking that I am great and wondering why I don't have a calling, I was told that I am not even a visiting teacher.  Ouch.

Then, I read an email in which the TR club wished good luck to two of my team members.  My other teammate isn't a part of the club yet, so they didn't know to wish her good luck.  But, I have been a member of the club since January.  Ouch, again.  My thoughts were just, "How am I so invisible?"  Does nobody know that I am a national champion?  Just kidding, I didn't tell anyone except my two roommates who asked me about it.  And, Kit.  She got to come with her kids for a little bit.

Humility.  It stinks.  A lot.  But, it is something that keeps me grounded and reminded that I have a lot to work on.  I am thankful that I have humbling experiences, or else I would probably be a huge snob.  By the way, I am a national champion!

All in all, I had a pretty good week.  I won.  BYU won!  I am thankful for the power of prayer and the healing power of the temple.  I was able to go to the temple at the end of the week.  And, it was fantastic.  I just felt all of my sad feelings of being unloved and unnoticed wash away.  It doesn't matter what the world thinks of me.  It doesn't matter if a ton of people know me.  All that matters is that I have good standing in the eyes of God.  And going to the temple helps me realize that I have good standing in the eyes of God.  I know that He loves me and knows me.  I just need to remember that more often.

Thanks for all you.  Thank you for your support.  Have a wonderful September!

P.S. I got a visiting teaching assignment the day after I was told that I don't have one.

The YSA Creep

I have the fantastic opportunity (for the last 8 months) to work as early morning custodial.  I spend three hours Monday through Friday mornings cleaning bathrooms.  This is my reflection time.  I think a lot during those hours.  So, this poem came from some of my memories of being in a YSA ward.  I have only been in a YSA ward for three years, but I have a few words to say.  Beware the "poem" is unedited and not revised.  I didn't follow any guidelines.  I just wrote.  Also, the names used are not specific to the event.  Have fun!

The YSA Creep

When I was born, I was blessed with a gift.

It’s called a memory.

I remember people’s names.

But this gift also comes with a curse:

Invisibility

I remember people’s names in exchange for their inability to see me.

I go to an FHE for the entire ward.

I don’t like these much.

Because this happens:

A girl comes up to me to introduce herself.

I know her.

Anna

She is my roommate’s best friend and comes over all the time.

She says,

“I have never seen you before.  Are you new in the ward?”

I’ve been here for three months.

I see her but she obviously cannot see me. 

My roommates often ask me about the other members of the ward:

“What’s that girl’s name?  In the blue sweater?”

Eliza

“What’s Tanner’s last name?”

Turner

“And, who’s the guy with the American flag tie?”

Joseph

Don’t ask me how I know.

I’m just a creep.

I remember people and they don’t remember me.

My crush is standing next to me.

We have introduced ourselves to each other before.

Thrice

He turns to me.

He opens his mouth

“I don’t think we have met.  What’s your name?”

Crush extinguished.

He doesn’t know who I am but I know who he is. 

Thomas is sitting next to me in Sunday school today.

He reads his scriptures silently.

The teacher invites us to meet our neighbors.

Oh no!

Thomas gave a talk two months ago.

I still remember

The story of his dad twisting his ankle.

I’m a creep.

I try to forget.

Not happening.

I remember his story but he doesn’t know I am even sitting next to him.

Then one day,

I see Rachel.

But is it Rachel?

Her name cannot possibly be Rachel because that is her roommate’s name.

I forgot a name!

I say,

“Hi, I know we have met several times.  What is your name?”

Rachel

Oh, that was her name.

I guess I slightly remembered but she walks away before a conversation.

Now I’m in a new ward.

Fresh start.

I don’t see anyone that I know.

Wait.

Yes, there is Samantha from my ward two years ago.

I go to talk to her!

“Hi, I’m Samantha! What’s your name?”

I guess she doesn’t know we were in the same ward.

I introduce myself.

I’m the creep.

She doesn’t know who I am but I know a whole lot about her.

Maybe I should go back to a family ward.

There, I am not entirely expected to socialize.

It’s an idea.

The people who remember me are my family.

So, someone in the ward would know me.

That is where I know people and people know me.

My sister comes up to me.

She wears a very mischievous look upon her face.

She stands there.

She gawks.

“Excuse me, I should remember this, but what is your name?”

Seriously?

But, I know she knows.

She was blessed with the same gift that I was blessed with.

She has the same curse.

This is where I am understood and I understand her.

The Science of Playing

A few weeks ago, I had the opportunity of visiting my family while on break from University.  I was able to visit with many aunts, uncles, siblings, cousins, etc.  As I have reminisced those few weeks, I have great appreciation for my major.  As some of you know, I am majoring in Therapeutic Recreation.  The major involves psychology, biology, recreation, and events management.  Therapeutic Recreation allows for family and individuals to be strengthened socially, emotionally, intellectually, spiritually, and physically through recreation. 

A few of my cousins were fighting about an insignificant bump between themselves.  As they quarreled, I used our surroundings and equipment to produce a game.  They stopped fighting when the heard the word 'game.'  We played games for a while, and they kept peace.  Something else I have seen in the last few years is the growth of my brother.  He doesn't seem to talk much.  The ways I have been able to talk to him is by having foam sword fights with him, beating him in different video games, and rollerblading with him in the blistering Arizona heat.  I love the fact that recreation helps create environments for growth. The thing I love the most about my major is the connection it has to my religion.

In 1995, the First Presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints released a proclamation about families.  My favorite part of the proclamation (and the part that we study as Therapeutic Recreation students)  is as follows: "Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities."  Did you read that?!  Wholesome recreational activities!  That is what my major is about.  

As members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we are also encouraged to have Family Home Evening.  Family Home Evening is one evening a week, usually Monday.  The purpose is to bring families together for gospel sharing and activities.  We are encouraged to have recreational activities because they invite the family to be together and increase unity.   To learn more about the purpose of family home evening, the website is as folllows:  https://www.lds.org/topics/family-home-evening/purpose?lang=eng

The family is central to the gospel of Jesus Christ.  All that we do on this Earth is to lead to better homes and families, which will be our joy in the eternities.  I am thankful for my awesome family.  They do a lot for me.  I am thankful that I have had and will have great moments with my family.  I am thankful that I will be able to see my family members who have passed on.  I am thankful for Christ for making it possible.

My Family 2009

Patient Urgency

In life, I have found that there is a concept that is somewhat paradoxical.  I call this concept Patient Urgency. I have had two specific experiences with this concept.

First, on my mission, I desperately wanted people to understand and be converted to the Gospel of Jesus Christ.  I felt the urgency to share the gospel.  I felt the necessity for people to accept the gospel.  But, I couldn't force it down their throats.  Conversion takes time.  I had to wait and be patient with the people I was teaching.  I had to be patient with myself.  Although I had to be patient, I still had to share the gospel and share the immediate need for the healing power of the Atonement.  We need it now, but we must also be patient.  This is patient urgency.

Now, I am in an awkward state.  Many ponderings and scriptures studies (and the most recent General Conference) and other such things have been pointing to the Lord's desire for me to get married and have a family. And some time soon.  I feel the urgency.  But honestly, it scares me.  I have many flaws, and I don't work well with others.  This also means that I would have to go on dates, which I am not currently doing.  I DON'T KNOW WHAT I AM DOING.  I second-guess myself all the time.  If I don't get things done, that is why.  I don't have any confidence, my friends.  I don't know how to do things.  This is why I don't ask boys on dates.  Boys don't ask me for reasons I don't exactly know, but I have a few guesses.  It's probably because BYU is full of attractive, flirty, high-maintenance, blonde, short, classy, confident girls that distract the boys from my interesting, goat-shirt-wearing person.  Anyways, I feel the urgency, but I need to be patient.  I need to be patient with myself.  And, I just wish the urgent feeling would go away.  But, it won't. Seriously, I don't want to feel like this.   So, I guess I should just take some confidence pills.  At least I have more of a desire to get married than before my mission.  Before, I had almost absolutely no desire.  Now, I have about a 13% desire.

And now, you know the inner struggles of the person known as Cami.  You know you don't have to read my blog, right?  Have fun.  It's May!

Righteous Desires

Last Sunday, I had an interview with my Bishop to renew my temple recommend.  He told me to pray about being a Provo Temple Ordinance Worker.  So, I prayed about it.  I thought about it all week.  And, I decided that I was going to do it.  So, today I talked to my Bishop after Sacrament meeting.  He told me that he had been asked to put a hold on letting more people be ordinance workers.  So, I guess that isn't going to happen.

I was a little sad, but I guess the Lord needs me elsewhere.  There are times when we have righteous desires that don't come to fruition.  Sometimes, the Lord just needs something else to happen.  I actually experienced that a lot on my mission.  There were a lot of times when I desired something righteous.  Lots of times, those things didn't end up happening.  I wanted to see a lot of people enter the waters of baptism.  That just wasn't the Lord's plan for me.  I don't know what He needs of me, but I guess I will just have faith and keep obeying the commandments

Thanks for all you do.  Keep moving forward.  Have a wonderful week.

A great video to watch would be the one in the post below.

Being Consecrated When it is Rough

Today in church, the theme seemed to be enduring trials.  Many people bore testimony of how faith has helped them get through hard things.  Many spoke about how they have see God's tender mercies in their lives.  God loves you.  He knows what struggles you are having.  I hope that you all know that a consecrated missionary is not one that baptizes a lot.  That could happen, but the consecration is dedication.  Are you dedicated to your Lord?  Is your will His will?  Will you do the work no matter what happens?  This is what I learned as a missionary.  Faith, for me, was doing the work even though I had a spiritual blindfold on.  I had a hard time seeing, but I kept doing.  I know this is the work of the Lord.


This is a video that I truly love.  It has helped me in many times of trial and questioning.  I am thankful for the hard things.  Because they make me tough.  Don't pick a fight with this girl. Okay, seriously, I know that my Heavenly Father gives me what I need.  We are here to understand our true potential.

For more videos visit mormonchannel.org