Anyway, a lot of people have been asking how I am doing and how my new job is. So I am writing this to let everyone know that I make bad life decisions.
How To Make Bad Life Decisions
1. Decide to move to a different state
First, I have been trying to move out of Utah since I got there. I don't like Provo. I'm not good at Provo life. I don't belong in that bubble. Also, my winter depression has gotten increasingly worse. This was a bad year for me. So, I moved home.
I am currently rooming with my 15-year-old brother. (Who I'm pretty sure has some parts of life more figured out than I do, but definitely not all.) I have a suitcase and 20 hangers in his closet. And the rest of my stuff from my apartment is now in the garage. So, I'm totally mooching off my dad. Sorry Dad.
2. Quit all jobs
Obviously, I had to leave my job in Utah because I moved to Arizona. I did really well at applying for jobs while I was still in Utah and even set up a few interviews. I was offered two jobs. And then I turned both of them down. Because I make bad life decisions. Stupidly, the first was stressing me out, and I acted out of anxiety and stress. The second was on weekends and evenings, and because I thought that I maybe needed a social life to have good mental health, I turned it down. I turned down two jobs because of my dumb mental health. I guess it's a real thing.
3. Get in an accident while moving
For two weeks before I even moved down to Arizona, I had tried/wanted to cry at least every other day. (I decided to quit my job two weeks after my apartment contract ended, so I was living on people's couches. Thanks Cherise, Sarah, Emma, and Hannah.) The best way I have ever found to make myself cry is to have car troubles. So, by some fluke thing, I don't even know, I ended up crashing my car. I promise that I am not a bad driver. And I should have had time to stop. It probably had something to do with the unusual amount of weight being contained due to moving all my useless belongings.
I did really well not to cry until all my paperwork was processed by the police and a tow truck called. And then my body finally let me cry. But this also meant that I didn't have a car to use for a while.
4. Start taking classes
If you make really bad life decisions, you know how to make high expense purchases while making no money. I started my online Masters program the week before I moved to Arizona. So, I was doing homework in random parks between work and going to bum on couches. Yeah, I could have just stayed in my office at work, I guess. That's beside the point. The point is that taking classes means I have tuition, and that is kinda price-y.
5. Buy your sister's car
After I had told my work I was leaving, but before I had left, my sister and I had worked out a deal to buy her car. In cash. If I hadn't already been making bad life decisions, this one was great. My sister was moving out of the country, and I wanted a car. That was my own. And then I could stop mooching off my dad (ha, what a joke). I guess this one was a blessing when the car I have been using stopped working (refer to picture in #3).
So Why, Cami? Just Why?
Well, I don't know. I used to be such a logical person. But then I started living. Everyone's gotta make bad decisions at some point. So, I'm sorry to everyone that I left in Utah. I'm sorry to the people who have to take care of me in Arizona. Sorry to all the people in North Carolina that I don't know how to help because of Florence. I'm sorry for not knowing how to answer anyone's questions about my new job because I feel like a failure. I'm sorry if I have lied or stretched the truth. I'm sorry for being dumb. I'm sorry for being a disappointment. And I'm sorry to myself, who is going to read this in six months, when I'm doing just fine, and think, "What a whiney baby." #firstworldproblems #stupidmillenial
But hey! Now I can go on adventures and try to make better decisions! My life can get better from here. I am trying. Even if there is no such thing as trying. I am putting in effort that currently isn't giving me any results. So take this as you will. Cami is dumb? Cami sure knows how to have an adventurous life? Cami is never going anywhere in life? Cami's gonna be a great author someday? You choose. It's gonna be an interesting next 70-ish years for me.
Something that I heard once was, "I exist, and I can be better." What a statement. It fits.
