Leaving BYU

What?!  Why are you leaving BYU?

'Cause I'm graduating!  Even so, I am glad that I am done with BYU.  I am glad to leave.  And for this gladness, I have a not so great reason and a kind of awesome reason.  I'll start with the not so great, so you can skip it if you want.


NOT SO GREAT
I have a problem with BYU/Provo Culture.  It goes a little something like this: You better date and get married or you're dumb. People expect to find their "soul mates" at BYU.  And they expect it of everyone else at BYU.  If you didn't come to BYU to find a spouse, then why are you here?  Every conversation includes marriage as a topic--it's inevitable.

I once was in a group of about eight girls.  All were married, engaged, or about to be engaged except for me.  One girl decided that each girl should tell her love story to the group.  I was hoping that my invisibility skills would kick in, but nonetheless I was seen and asked to inform the group of my beautiful tale of romance.  I simply stated, "I'm single."  And the group just stared at me as if I was broken.  Their sad faces were just that--sad.  I had broken their fragile hearts with my sad tale of woe.  I had added a drop of depression to their pleasant, pretend perfect day.  I ruined it.  I ruined their happiness.  And I think they thought I had also ruined mine.

This is why I hate BYU culture.  Just because I am single doesn't mean that I am unhappy or worth any less.  Just because I didn't get married while at BYU doesn't mean that I didn't fulfill my purpose there.  My life is more than just finding a man.  Yes, it is pleasing to God when people get married.  Yes, I am pretty sure God wants all of His children to have lasting and loving marriages, but I can still improve my life while I am unmarried.  I can still become a better person.  And when I do finally meet that person and decide that I'm okay with dating, I will be better prepared.  Yeah, I'll still be imperfect and make tons of mistakes, but I will have learned a lot of things.  And guess what!  I am pretty sure that I have learned and experienced more than a handful of married BYU students.  I have changed lives, including my own, in ways that some of them have not.  So, why should I be sad about that?

To the people who have bet against my ability to make it through BYU without getting married: taste the awful bitterness of defeat.  Yeah, it may be a little harsh, but this is my life, not yours.  And I'm still imperfect and have much work to do in the kindness area.

KIND OF AWESOME

In the last three years, I have come to understand the meaning of "Enter to Learn--Go Forth to Serve."  We aren't meant to stay in school forever. We aren't meant to get an education just to soak it all in and never use it.

Because of my major, I have been shown a path that lots of people don't even know about.  I have been given opportunity to explore the world of Residential Treatment Centers (RTC).  As a staff in a few RTCs, I have been counted as a guardian for more than 50 kids.  Their safety has been in my hands, and it has been my responsibility to teach them and love them.  I have used the knowledge of mental illness and human development to fulfill these responsibilities.

Because I have come to BYU, I have seen the light in roommates' eyes grow.  I have been there to share my thoughts and my testimony.  I have used my knowledge of the gospel to give aid to roommates who were seeking help.

And now I am ready to go.  I am ready to keep serving and finding people wherever I may go that need some of the learning that I have gained from BYU.  That's really the purpose of higher education: serving in higher capacities.  Because I know more, I can help more.  I'm done with BYU and being in this bubble.  It's kind of like this meme I saw a few years ago.

I'm ready to spread out and stop stinking.

JUST SOMETHING INTERESTING
If you want to see how college went for me, here are some pictures.

First Semester:

Next to Last Semester:

At some point, my homework started being more reading and trying to comprehend it than solving equations, so my grades dropped dramatically.  Maybe I should have stuck with Chemistry or Math.

The Less Active in Ward Council

I'm gonna do it.  I going to single someone out.  Here it goes: WHY is that less active member in ward council?  Why?  Don't you think it is a little awkward that they're here when we should be talking about how to help them?

Actually, just kidding.  Maybe ward council is exactly where they need to be.  Except in this case, that less active is me.  I was the less active member in the ward council.  Some of you may be questioning how valid that statement is.  Well, once upon a time, I had a job that required me to work every Sunday.  The shifts were meant to change every Sunday between morning and evening shift.  Somehow I also got the church time of 1:00pm, which was right during the shift change.  So, the most church I would get each month was two Sacrament meetings.  Sometimes I even left before Sacrament meeting was over.

In the middle of me working on Sundays, I got a calling in which I was to go to Ward Council.  First, is it a thing outside of Utah YSA wards to have the music chair in Ward Council?  I had never heard of that.  I often struggle to know what to say in Ward Council because I have stewardship over those little pieces of paper that are put in the plaque every Sunday.  I'm no Relief Society President.  Don't get me wrong, I love being the Music Chair.  I get to pick songs that people sing rarely.  I get to ask people to play instruments and sing for musical numbers.  I love my calling.  I just find it hard to talk in Ward Council.

So, if I wasn't already feeling useless for being the person without anything to say in Ward Council, I often feel like I fall into the categories of people we need to love and cherish more, to reach out to.  For example, people who don't have friends, people who sit in the back row of church, people who leave right after Sacrament meeting, people who don't attend any ward functions, etc.  I fall into all of these categories.  My ward members would probably say, "Cami, you have friends."  But let me tell you about when I was first in ward council.

I was new to the ward, so I knew no one.  I happened to never make it to ward functions because I was working.  I knew my roommate: just the one that was in the same room as me.  I went to ward council and we would be asked who we knew.  I could list myself.  And my roommate.  That was it.  So, I sat in the second to back row in the chapel at church.  (I'm really bad at initiating conversation with anyone that I don't know and often with the people that I do know.)  There were times where I would go to one hour of church in two months.  I sometimes missed Ward Council.  I knew one person.  Can you guess who it was?  My roommate.  Maybe she should have been in Ward Council.

So, what's the point about me writing about being less active in the Ward Council?  I don't know.  I think I just wanted to share how awkward I feel.  I could tell you about the times where I planned on running away and no one would even know.  I could tell you about the times I didn't go to church last month and people didn't even think anything of it (even though I don't work on Sundays anymore, but who's really supposed to keep track of my schedule?).  I could tell you about how I still don't know what I'm doing in Ward Council.  I could tell you about how people think I know things, but I really don't.

Anyway, the Lord knows more than I do.  For some reason, He calls us to do things that we are not at all prepared for.  Life's an adventure.  Keep exploring.  Don't quote anything I say; it is wise not to.  Believe I'm a heretic if you want to because it's not like it would change my reputation much.  Have a great day.