Failing in Christianity

Imagine being told, "I hate you," by the same person every single day for 1-2 years.  Imagine that person destroying multiple of your possessions, especially the ones that have great meaning to you, such as your personal journals, a belonging from your deceased family member, or your bed.  That person doesn't tell you, "I hate you," anymore, and now has to tell you at least one of your character flaws every day and that you are just a bad, horrible, unloving person.  (Do you know how many times various people have told me that I am unloving?  So many times that I usually believe it.)  Maybe you don't have to imagine.  Maybe this is also you.

What would Jesus do?  Whatever it is, I have failed.  And I fail daily.

Here is what I think Jesus would do:

• Luke 23:9--"but he answered him nothing."  I struggle so much at not responding.  My beliefs are attacked often, and it is so hard to not stand up for them.  I get in a lot of arguments about what I believe.
• Luke 23:34--"Then said Jesus, Father forgive them; for they know not what they do."  I haven't ever really said this, but I pray for the person all the time.  I often ask for my own forgiveness after I just got done arguing.
• Isaiah 53:3-5--"He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not.  Surely he hath borne our griefs, and carried our sorrows: ye we did esteem him stricken, smitten of God, and afflicted.  But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities:the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."-Jesus continued to serve the people and gives them the opportunity, continuously, to be saved and healed.  Jesus Christ lets anyone repent.  None of my suffering will ever have that power for anyone, but I can share my testimony.

Moral of the story: I fail over and over and over again.  I don't come close to being like Jesus at all.  But I believe that my belief in Jesus Christ can make me a better person.  I believe that I have become much better than I was when I first started getting told, "I hate you."  It's my faith in Jesus Christ that has kept me alive.  And if that's not a miracle, I don't know what is.  It's my faith in Jesus Christ that allows me to help other people even though I am so scared to talk to people and think that they don't want me around.  And judge me all you want for being a Christian, but it has made me better.  And judge me all you want for still having flaws, but the power of Jesus Christ has changed me and will continue to change me.  One flaw that has been repeatedly acknowledged by people is my saying, "I'm sorry" far too many times.  I am not sorry for my faith in Jesus Christ.