Bigfoot's Sister

Want to know something about me?  I am totally that annoying roommate who sits on the couch doing who knows what when my roommate and her boyfriend probably need some privacy.  Want to read about other ways in which I am a creep?  Try this "poem."

In other news, I really love this pair of shoes that I have.  In case I forget what size my feet are, each shoe has it written three times.

The Guilt of Not Dating: A Passive Aggressive (Slightly More Aggressive) Note to my Fans (Just Me)

For someone who hates dating so much, I talk an awful lot about dating.  Sorry, I'll try to stop.

My Invisible Man and Me

As a single adult in a church that has a high emphasis on marriage and family, sometimes one can feel a little overwhelmed, out-of-place, and as if he/she is letting down God.  Now, let's get this straight, I am merely 23, so I really shouldn't complain.  I haven't had a lot of experience to make me feel down.  I should remember that I am still young.  Guess what! I do feel young, and sometimes that's the thing that keeps me from dating.  I forget that I am old enough to get married.  Weird.  Below are some of the things that I have heard (whether or not they were the real words of the people talking to me).

"What was wrong with the boy?"  Nothing.  "Then you should have kept dating him.  He liked you." Okay, I get it; I messed up.  For the most part, I just felt like our personalities didn't match up or that the boy moved super fast or I panicked and shut down, and then I said no.  All of the guys that have asked me on dates are super nice guys.  They are great.  But, I just didn't feel like we fit.  Or I panicked.

"You could be married and have three children by now."  No, I could be married and unhappy.  And maybe one child (that I give more attention to than my husband).  I don't want to get married just to get married.  I want to get married to be with someone that I can be with forever and care about always.  I want to get married in order to raise kids in a household where the parents love each other and love their children.  How would I be able to teach my kids to love others if I really wasn't in love with their father?  I want a friend, a best friend.  I want someone to do activities with (bike riding, hiking, raising kids, laughing, etc.).

"Don't you know getting married is essential to your salvation?"  Yes.  "Then why aren't you trying to do so?"  Because I don't have courage.  And yes, I feel guilty for letting this hold me back.  I often feel that I am not doing my part and am letting God down.  I know that I need to get married and raise kids well.  I know without a doubt that I need to be a mom.  I know that I can accomplish a lot as a wife.  I know that you know that I'm missing out.

Also, because people push the idea of marriage onto me so much, I push back and say that I don't want to get married.  But, deep down--deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep down--I do want to get married.  I also have quite a few reasons that I shouldn't get married, some of the being the following:
1. I've already failed at being a mother figure.
2. I am so selfish.
3. I am immature.  Think 3-year-old inside an adult body.
4. I don't trust people.
5. I don't know how to be a good friend.
6. I say a lot of bad things.  And, I'm mean.
7. I punch people.  I'm surprised no one has really fought back yet.
8. I don't say, "I love you."
9. Okay, I should probably stop with the negativity.

Basically, everyone has their own timetable.  Yes, I feel guilty a lot for not being married or dating.  I ask God often if I am even doing what He wants me to do.  He says, "Patience."  So, then I wait and try to do what's right.  What's that scripture about being anxiously engaged in a good cause?  Yeah, I just try to do that and follow the commandments.  It helps me stay happy.

So basically, Cami, get off my case.  I'm trying to be a good person, and that's an imperative start for me.  Stop letting guilt rule your life.  Let it go.  Just let it [insert expletive] go.

Also, if this doesn't detract people from dating me, I need to up my game.  The game is called "How awful can I make myself sound?"  Did it work?  Can you resist me now?

And if you are thinking of commenting about how someday some man will sweep me off my feet and there won't be anything I can do beside fall in love with him and marry him, I've already heard that at least once a week for the last four years.  Maybe a little more.  Sure, maybe someday I will fall in love.  But let me do it on my own time.  And let me believe it on my own.  Stop trying to make me think things.

I'm over it.  I don't want to get married, but I do at the same time.  That's pretty much this entire post in one sentence.  I'm just going to go back to my awkward life now.  Have a wonderful week.  Hopefully you can get over this too.  Just let it go.  Forget about it.  It was just a waste of your seven minutes.  These are not the droids you are looking for.  Go back to your daily routine.